Game night
by nutmeg17
Summary: AU Dean and Cas are best friends but when something more is found can it withstand the brutality of life? the doubt shame jealousy anger lies seduction and most of all the secrets lives these teenage boys. Can love be enough to get them to graduation? R
1. Chapter 1

**appoligies in advance for any mistakes in grammar or spelling, **

**I have more chapters but im not sure if i should put them up xxx**

**enjoy :)**

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Dean and Cas were lazing around on Dean's bed as they continued their traditional game night on Wednesday evenings that they started when they were 12 but still do them mainly out of habit more than anything. Cas seemed to be enjoying himself although he was loosing he had conducted a strategy he was sure would earn him victory, dean on the other hand looked as if he was bored out his skull. After Cas took his go Dean mumbled to Cas;

"Well done you won." Cas rolled his eyes as his elder friend that was acting like such a baby.

"Dean the game isn't over, in fact your winning." Dean shrugged "its your go. Make a move."

This Dean did, he swatted his hand at the board game in between the two which coursed it to fall to the floor and all the little pieces went flying around the room.

"now its over, well done you won."

"Dean what is wrong with you?"

"I'm just bored."

"Cheers Winchester didn't realise you hated my company." Cas seemed genuinely upset by this, up to the point he was casually sat on the bed now he was seized up and turned away from Dean slightly, Dean didn't realise his words would course such an effect and instantly regretted it. After placing a hand on Cas' shoulder he melting under his touch.

"Cas I didn't mean it like that you now you're my best friend, its just I'm bored of these games. Don't you think were too old for them?" Cas laughed slightly and turned back around to face Dean, and leant against the head rest and legs spread down the bed as he crossed his arms he answered.

"We played last week, what has happened in the last seven days which has made you suddenly all mature." Both boy's smiles and Dean glanced over to Cas to catch that smile that always gave him butterflies.

"I looked in the mirror and you know what I didn't see?"

"what?"

"A boy that plays board games, I mean I'm basically a man."

"really?" Cas said not believe how stupid and immature Dean was sometimes.

"Yeah" he lifted the sleeves of his t-shirt up to show his tops arms, making Cas unintentionally check him out. Dean tensed his muscles and even kissed his hard muscles that bulged as he tensed. "See."

"Dean, you're an idiot." Dean's smile turned into what can only be explained as a hurtful bunny look being covered up by anger dog glare.

"Fuck you, I could take you anytime." Dean jokingly threatened his best mate as he lowered his arms. Cas couldn't help but giggle a little, he simply had to play along and tease his dumb ass friend it was just to funny.

"Oh yeah? Prove it."

Cas asked for it Cas got it. Out of not where Dean lunged towards Cas throwing his body against Cas' causing as small gasp of surprise to escape Cas' unsuspecting lips only for it to be instantly silenced by the crushing of Deans lips on his, as Dean threw himself on top of him Cas' head banged against the head board behind them, he bite down out of reaction as he felt the pain. Which actually spurred the boy on more as he groaned slightly and kissed harder. Cas' eyes instantly widened what was happening was this real? Cas didn't care his eyes shut as he placed his hand on the back of Dean's head hardening the kiss even more pulling Dean closer and closer to him.

Dean shuffled slightly and now was straddling Cas pressuring his throbbing stiff cock as he buckled his hips to the rhythm of the kiss. Lips teeth and tongue collided as they shared a very passionate and long awaited kiss. The need to breath tore their eager lips apart but not far, there lips quivered inches apart from each others, their breath skating over their faces they hated the coldness they felt without the intimate contact that was just shared.

The actions of both boys were sinking in, they scanned over each others faces as they breathed into each others mouths. Their faces became more and more confused as the atmosphere became more awkward by the second. Dean sat back and widened the gap between the them, though he was still sitting on Cas which bearing in mind Cas' erection was still present it was uncomfortable for Cas about this and no doubt Dean was aware of it to if the colour he went was anything to go by. Cas moved slightly pushing himself up forcing Dean off, he turned and perched himself on the edge of Dean's bed as Dean sat in the middle.

It was the worst kind of silence both were praying the other would speak, whilst wishing they themselves had the balls too but all the time hoping what just happened never has to be spoken about. They kept opening their mouth just to close them again, they sat there for merely 20 seconds yet it felt like an hour. Dean had made his way to joining Cas on the edge of the bed, but keeping a reasonable distance between them. Heand Cas caught each others gaze, as soon as green hit blue all eyes darted to the floor as both stomachs became under attack from butterflies. Slowly their gaze rose again needing that exciting, forbidden, lustful, warm feeling that had disappeared after their one second glance stopped. That same feeling filled both boys as their gaze locked this time they froze and kept eye contact as they breathed heavily through their mouths. Dean started to lean forward again this time slowly and gently, without time to think or stop himself Cas did too. Suddenly the door swung open and a tall, slim, blonde, middle aged women walked through holding a tray of orange juice and biscuits. Dean jumped at this not expecting such an in burst, and spun around to look at the intruder as he did, he successfully managed to spin himself of the bed and onto the floor.

"Brought you boys a snack." The women said uncertainly.

"Thanks mum." Dean said as he scrambled to his feet but ended up on his knees elbows on the bed supporting his flushed red face.

"is everything alright in here?" she asked looking from here son to Cas and back again. The boys both nodded so the women left, when she did Dean laughed nervously trying to inject some comfort into the still painfully awkward room.

"well that was close. I th…" Dean couldn't finish as Cas got up and rushed out of the room head down face red and not looking at Dean. He was so embarrassed and seemed to regret everything that had just happened. "fuck," Dean mumbled to himself as his head fell into his hands. What was he supposed to do Dean didn't regret it, he wanted to do it and thought Cas wanted it to, Dean lips were still buzzing and stomach still flipping. What was he going to do, had he just ruined his friendship with Cas?

Dean went to bed that night not tired and very nervous tomorrow was school and something had to be done, he had no doubt that Cas wouldn't say anything so it was left up to him.

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**Please review and tell me what you think**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hope you enjoy this chapter the next will hopefully be up in a few days. :)**

**my usual warning for spelling and what not ^_^**

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Dean woke the next day from repetitive action reply dream, of that darn kiss all night long. He awoke both anxious and tense, not to mention a throbbing case of morning glory. Dean was certain and knew what he had to do. I could easily tell Cas yesterday was a mistake and forget about it then try to put together their friendship, but both will know they were lying and always have the awkward memory and tension between them, with the thoughts of what could have been. No, denying it was not right, there was no way back now their friendship was over, the only way is forward and see if something more could come out of today instead of heart break and tears that Dean was sure of as he munched of a piece of toast. Dean didn't even try to talk to Sam as he drove to school with his baby brother in shot gun. Dean and Cas weren't in the same classes so he would have to confront him at lunch time.

Cas woke up in much the same way as Dean, but was less certain of what he was going to do, he knew it had to be talked about but he honestly didn't know where his and Dean's friendship would stand by the end of the day.

Cas walked into the cafeteria that lunch time and there he was. Sitting there at their usual table surround by their usual friends. They were talking as Dean played with his food staring at the table and not listening to a word. Cas stared at him, Dean must have felt his eyes burning into the side of his head because he soon looked up and caught his eye again. Just as Cas caught his eye he couldn't do it, he tried but he couldn't it was awkward and truth be told he was scared, he didn't want to loose his best friend. Dean watched as the boy turned and hastily walked out of the room. Even though he was still sitting surrounded by his friends, at the sight of Cas walking away from him filled his everything with sorrow and anger but even stranger, loneliness. He felt desperately lonely without him. So he got up marched his way toward Cas determined to have it out.

Cas walked along the corridor making sure not to look back, it was going as well it could until he felt a tight grip on his arm as he was suddenly pulled into a janitors closet. The light came on Dean and Cas were standing as close as they were the night before, Dean's right hand still holding onto the light cord which invaded Cas' personal space. Both boys' eyes were fixed on the other lips both dry and pouting slightly into a kiss each time breath from the other coated them.

"We need to talk." Dean said with less authority as he intended as he whispered it to Cas, who nodded as he tried to settle his breathing. "Cas I…" Dean could finish his sentence, good thing really he had no idea where it was going to say. Something happened to Cas, the urge became to big and painful to ignore, he gave into the animalistic raw attraction and passion for the person in front of him. Crushing his lips hard to Dean's, clasping his face with his hands stopping any form of escape, not that Dean was planning anything like that. After the initial shock lips moved with Cas' and tongues clashed and fought for dominance inside each others mouths.

Dean's mind was buzzing and if he wanted to he couldn't form a logical sentence, not that that mattered as he slammed Cas up against the door held him tight. Cas' left hand tightly held Dean's collar and right ran through his hair, both pulling his closer and closer. Dean's hands were placed at the small of his back but soon worked their way down so they were eagerly groping Cas' ass. Passion overfilled the boy and he felt Dean's hand move from his left ass cheek to his crotch, eyes rolled back in his head as his knees became weak as he felt the fiction Dean created against his hand and the cock that was tightly restrained by his trousers. He grabbed Dean's shoulders and spun around shoving Dean against the wall next to the door. They looked each other in the eye as they tried to catch their breath.

"Never had you down as the aggressive type." Dean joked through lustful eyes and a rusty voice and Cas stared intently at him.

upon hearing this a slightly sinister smile spread across his face, his grip on Dean's hair tightened as he painfully slowly moved towards him ready to capture his lips again, just as the skin of his dry lips gently grazed the others, the alarm went which meant the end of lunch and the end of what should have been a deep discussion about feelings and shit but turned into a very intense make out session. Dean eyes were closed as he waited for Cas' lips and he kept them closed now as he wished he had imagined the bell and hoped Cas would continue. Cas lent down and placed a soft chased kiss on Dean's neck as breath hitched in his throat before he heard Cas leave the closet without a word. It was 5 minutes since the bell went he was late for his lesson and still had his eyes shut. They were tightly shut as Dean desperately tried to stop the tears from escaping from his no doubt blood shot eyes. Trying and failed as wet salty tears ran down the corners of his eyes as his heavy breathing forced them out, he felt useless and stupid for not being strong enough to express his thoughts or strong enough to make Cas stay with him. He needed Cas, needed some sort of contact with him, but was this how it was going to be? Quick snogs in a hidden away place before going back to normal life until the next time?

Dean hated the idea of being so sneaky and seedy but he would rather have that than not have Cas at all. Dean had no energy to move he didn't see the point and didn't care if he was caught. He got up after the last bell of the day and made his way to the school doors, down the steps and to the car park where his baby was parked and were Sammy was waiting for him.

"Heya Dean." Sam eagerly greeted his big brother

"Sammy." Dean responded with a nod and he went to the drivers side opened it and both brothers got in, nothing else was spoken until Dean had been driving for a few minutes.

"I saw Cas," Sam started as Dean's blood ran cold heart fastened and tighten on the stirring wheel tightened, Dean wanted to say something and thought he probably should, but his voice got lost in his dry throat and only managed to hum in response. "He gave me this to give to you. He said he would give it to you himself but he had to dash off." Sam passed his brother letter hidden within an envelope, Dean took it and paid more attention to Cas writing on the envelope then the road, it only said his name it was just the way it was written, as if he had taken a course in calligraphy even when he was five his handwriting was perfect it weirded Dean out a little and made fun of Cas because of it on occasion, this wasn't on if those times, the way the letter 'D' curved and swooped to connect to the other letters, calmed Dean down and warmed his heart because he new it was his Cas that wrote it, that he had handled the same bit of paper as he's touching now. Dean felt like a ten year old girl as he thought it but he did think it. Dean slipped the letter in his jacket pocket and continued to drive, for the rest of the drive a soft smile graced his face.

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	3. Chapter 3

**The letter.**

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Dean rushed from the car to his room in record time without a word to his mother on the way, when he got to his room he locked it kicked off his shoes and took off his jacket removed the letter and collapsed onto his bed, laying on his side as he opened it and began to read;

"Dean;

I know you find texts and emails impersonal so hopefully this will make up for the fact I'm taking the cowards way of writing everything down, instead of telling you to your face but you know what I'm like when things get heavy. I don't want to play games, so this is me laying my cards on the table; I'm sorry, so sorry about what happened at lunch. You wanted to talk and we need too but I panicked. Dean you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and when we kissed yesterday you made my life that much sweeter and so much more complicated. I didn't want to hear you say, I couldn't bare to have you say that it was a mistake that we should forget about it because that's impossible for me. So instead of hearing you out, I just wanted one more kiss before you pull the plug on everything we could be. I don't know what I feel for you yet Dean but I know its stronger then simple friendship and I know we could be so wonderful together. I know you're not gay but I didn't think I was until yesterday, until you kissed me, so maybe it's the same for you. I am under no illusions of sunsets and happily ever afters, I'm not expecting a fairy tale were too old to believe in such things. Especially in America between two guys, but we deserve it to ourselves to try for happiness. I know I could make you happy. Just let me try? I never thought life was worth living until I found something worth dieing for, you. You know the things I've been though and its always you that gets me through. I can't find the right words to write that don't make this sound cheesy and stupid, but everything I am writing is true. If you don't feel the same, then I am not holding anything against you. We can't help which way we fall and we can't force ourselves into feeling what we don't. If you don't please tell me and we can put our friendship back on track. If I can't have you as a partner I will not lose you as a friend. I'm coming around for our usual Thursday homework session, I don't have to stay if you don't want me too, but I have to know your response to this. I will see you at seven.

Castiel."

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**sorry it's so short, just i wanted the letter to have its own little chapter. :)**

**please reaview and tell me what you think- though I know theres not much to reveiw on lol**


	4. Chapter 4

When Dean had read what Castiel had so bravely wrote, tears were freely cascading down his face, his heart actualy heart by the lack of faith cas seemed to have in life, in love in him. There was so much to take in and only, Dean looked at his watch.

"Only three hours before he gets here." Three hours to decide what to say, how to act, what to wear. Dean already knew his response to the letter, he knew it before he read it, before he even kissed Cas for the first time. Yes! By god yes Cas was foolish to think any different.

Dinner was a nightmare, he spent the whole time staring at his non eaten food poking it with a fork. Mary noticed Sammy noticed and it was John that called Dean on his odd behaviour.

"What is it son, girl trouble?"

"Why do you say that?"

"elWl your sulky, distant and don't seem to be hungry. What happened to me when I fell for your mother."

"Rest assured dad, it's defiantly not girls." Sam injected into the convocation with a smirk, Dean's eyes shot up and stared at Sam, oh Christ, he knows! Sammy knows about him and Cas. while Dean stared at him with shock John stared with confusion. Taking pity on his older brother who squirmed under his brothers gaze he told their dad. "it's school, Dean had a fight."

"with who sweetheart?"

"C, Cas yeah we had a fight."

"Oh no and you're so close"

"Yeah, but he's coming over soon to sort it out."

"Well I'm glad your being so mature about things Dean."

"Thanks mum." The rest of dinner was silent nothing but the clanking of cutlery and chewing of food filled the ears of the Winchesters as Dean continued to glare at Sam. Sam now beginning to wish he hadn't been so cocky earlier as he began to squirm under his brothers constant death glare.

It wasn't until after dinner that the butterflies truly started. It was Dean's turn to wash up hands shaking as he did and almost breaking one or two plates. Every few minutes or so he was checking the wall clock. When he had finally finished it was 6:20 and Dean darted upstairs. When he went into his room he saw something he never expected and never wanted to see, Sam. In his room holding the letter, not just holding. Reading he was reading the letter. Fuck.

"Sam?" Sam jumped he did not see his elder brother at the door way staring at him. "What the fuck are you doing!"

"I think the question is who the fuck are you doing?"

"Shut up Sam, you know nothing, I swear to god if you breath one word of this I will kill you."

"Dean. Calm down. I know I shouldn't have read it okay you've been acting funny, then this letter from him, then dinner. I was just really curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat Sammy."

"Well satisfaction brought it back."

"Are you satisfied Sam?"

"No. I'm sorry, this letter. It's, It's really beautiful."

"Fuck off."

"No really, I didn't know you had feelings like deep ones you know? You're my brother and by the sounds of it, Cas makes you happy therefore it makes me happy."

"You just don't want to loose your lift to school."

"What ever dude." Sam chuckled slightly gave Dean the letter. "It's not down to me to tell anyone so I won't okay." He then walked past his red faced brother, aiming and praying he got to the door without a punch or something thrown at him. What he got was not expected.

"Thank you." Dean mumbled to Sam as he stared at the letter in his hands. Sam looked at him nodded and left his alone, even closed the door for him.

Soon enough the door bell rang Dean's heart leapt so hard it hurt his tongue and sudden pins and needle shot through arms and tingled his fingers. Dean stood staring at his door handle he was so nervous he found it impossible to move and open his door. He heard Sam's voice coming from downstairs.

"Oh, hi Castiel. Deans in his room, he's expecting you just go up its fine."

"Thank you." Said that wonderful voice then faint foot steps he was coming.

"Thank you Sammy." Dean said to himself with a cute smile he really did love his brother. Dean stepped back and watched the door handle, as he saw it turn he new this was it, not going back now, time to face the music, time to face Castiel.

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**sorry it's so short :)**

**please review xxx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry it took so long to update but i had a 1000 word report, 15 minute debate and 2000 word eesay to do, oh and a 8000 word, 33 page assignment to do with 45 references...I almost died! :(**

**sorry if there are any mistakes in here, if it makes it any better my tutor asked if i have every been test for dyslexia LOL :D **

**any hope you enjoy xx**

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Dean stepped back and watched the door handle, as he saw it turn he new this was it, no going back now, time to face the music, time to face Castiel. He watched the handle turn, the door open and a beautiful being stepping nervously into his room and quietly shut the door behind him. Cas was shaky and moved slowly under Dean's gaze. Dean stared mouth open slightly and unable to move. Eyes washed over Cas, looking him up and down. The silence between them grew, and Castiel's heart sank believing this to be a bad sign and that Dean was trying to find the words to let him down gently. Tears filled the boy's eyes as he stood there, trying not to look at Dean because he knew this would just tip him over the edge.

"Dean, I…" Cas wheezed out, just as Dean strolled towards him shaking his head, tears falling down both boys' cheeks, as he threw his arms around the Cas and gripped him tight. Cas stood still arms frozen by his side for a moment, he loved the hug, but was hating what it could mean, okay so Dean doesn't hate him, but does he like him? Yet at that moment he ceased to care, because at this moment Dean has his arms wrapped around him, he melting into the contact and hugged back, being his close to him made his heart race and jump out his chest.

"Are, are you alright?"

Cas eventually meekly asked as his face was pressed into Dean's neck after a few minutes of the embrace where Cas felt Dean's head jerk softly and breath erratically, all Cas could think was 'please don't be crying, don't say goodbye, don't leave, don't cry Dean.' Dean felt Cas' words vibrate his skin and after a cough to clear his throat he answered trying his best not to sound emotional though failed completely.

"Yeah, I'm just fine."

Cas ended their embrace and stepped back slightly keeping close and keeping his hands on Dean's sides he looked at him and couldn't help but join in with the tears. There was silence, neither of them could speak. Cas wiped Deans' tears away gently and rested his hand on Dean's cheek. When Cas started talking everything inside Dean exploded.

"It's okay Dean," Cas eventually said as removed his hand "I understand. Lets just forget it yeah?" Cas fidgeted and shifted from side to side and started walking towards the door whilst mumbling just how stupid he was.

Dean marched up to him and caught up just as Cas took hold of the door handle. Gripping tight to his shirt Dean spun the boy around and before Cas could speak he was pinned up against the door, having his lips attacked by Dean's. Cas' eyes shot open from surprise but soon closed them again, eagerly hungrily moving his lips against Dean's. he groaned more than once into Dean's mouth, which spurred him on more gripping Cas' wrists tighter and holding them above him head trapping Cas under the weight his body. Their hardening cocks were pushed together and the friction it caused forced Dean to gasp and groan so much he had to tear his lips away. Cas took this opportunity, licked his lips and brought them to his neck, kissing, sucking and nipping up to Dean's ear were he slowly sank his teeth into his lobe, Cas moved down to his neck once more incorporating his tongue to Dean's warm sweet skin. The feeling it gave it made Dean's eyes roll back and his legs so weak he fell against Cas realising his wrists which Cas used this new found freedom to cradle Dean, one arm around his waist the other stroking his hair as he gently kissed the boy before him. Dean held his sides as he breathed against Cas' neck. When Dean got his breath and composure back he stepped back from Cas and looked into his eyes. He cupped Cas' cheek with his hand and softly stroked lingering tear away with his thumb.

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"I'm sorry…" Dean whispered but was cut of Cas was getting sick of all these ups and downs! Rejection is rejection but this is fucking torture.

"Sorry! Your sorry! Then what was that, you just kissed me Dean, Again! Now your sorry, well fuck you, I told you I don't like games. I thought we could still be friends but you a real jerk!" he shouted and pushed Dean's hand away he felt awash with anger how could his best friend take his much pleasure in toying with him. He storm to the door and opened it. But by the time he did Dean was behind him and slammed it shut again trying to keep calm Dean continued.

"I'm sorry for making you think that what you feel isn't real. Or resipucated. I'm sorry for not doing this sooner, for not always kissing you and I'm sorry that you've cried over me."

"Don't flatter yourself." Cas barked still fuming he didn't seem to hear anything that was just said, now it was Dean that was getting pissed.

"fuck you, you asshole." Dean shouted as he spun the boy around to face him more anger than upset but he really was crushed "I'm trying to tell you that I love you and you're not even listening to what I have to say!" Dean sighed and calmed down he really, really didn't want to argue "Fine, go on, storm out. Piss off." He told him trying to sound tough and not to cry as he walked to his bed and sat on it head hung low. Cas stood there and processed how did it go from that to this in such a short a amount of time? There was nothing he could really say he really was an asshole. The word sorry at this time just seemed pathetic.

"I don't want to leave."

"fine." Dean spat now with a tear rolling down his cheek "Then I will." Then he did, he left Cas standing in Dean's room. Despite the serial situation a smile however small softly graced his face, even though it didn't end the way he was hoping Dean like him back, no Dean loves him, loved. That thought took the smile away. He was about to leave when the door opened again and in strolled Dean red faced and puffy eyed.

"I couldn't do it." He exclaimed as he walked towards Cas slid one arm around his waist and the other caressed his cheek and he gave Cas a slowly gentle romantic kiss. Cas smiled into the kiss it wasn't a long kiss but it seemed to them to hang forever.

Dean started kissing all over Cas neck with each kiss he whispered the word sorry into his skin. His lips then caressed the little bit of chest that was visible from his shirt after the 'sorry' he undid a button kissed the new flesh uttered the word and moved to the next button all the away down, until Cas' shirt was undone and Dean was on his knees. Cas ohh'ed and ahh'ed with each blessed contact of skin and lips. He looked down and put both hands of Dean's face who closed his eyes with the contact. Dean opened his eyes now big and full of intent, he took one of Cas' hands and place his index finger inside his mouth and after running his tongue along it his slowly pulled it out sucking hard as he did. Cas opened his mouth to groan to speak anything but nothing came out, he couldn't even close his eyes as they were locked on Dean's. The teasing basted. Dean then resumed to kissing this time at Cas' waist band after licking his stomach and nipped it slightly his hands rose to the button of Cas' jeans he desperately wanted to realise Cas' dick which was huge bulge in his jeans.

"Dean." Cas croacked and held his hand still so he couldn't continue.

"Don't you want me to?" Cas sank to his knees to join the boy took his hands and started to explain.

"That's not that Dean of course I do, in time. This is still new to me. I know its new to you too but, I'm nervous okay. I like you and I don't want to rush into anything. Do you understand?" Dean smiled and gently squeezed Cas hands who did the same back. He nodded and tent forwards to kiss Cas of the cheek, but he moved his face and their lips conntected once more. The conntection was electric and it took of of Dean power not to pounce and all of Cas will not to undo his flies right then and there and rip all of Dean clothes off.

"How about we talk?" Dean suggested, it was something that they should have done long before now. In hindsight they properly should have had a talk about six months ago when they had one of those drunken almost kisses, but put it down to the booze and choose to forget about it, since then though they had been flirting with each other not that either one of them could tell then, but looking back neither one could believe it took them this long to get to where they are now. They had a lot of discussing to do. So after Dean locked the door and they laid on his bed and in each others arms as they began the most important conversation in their young lives.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Enjoy the chapter, sorry its quite short :) xx**

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"You know something?" Cas asked whilst Dean was twirling his fluffy hair around his finger.

"Yeah?" Dean asked as he kissed the back of Cas' neck gently sending tingles down his spine.

"I can't think of anything to say." he said with a slight chuckle

"Then let me try." Dean suggested as he moved from behind Cas, turned him onto his back and climbed on top of him. As he straddled the flushed boy he lowered his body so their faces were inches apart he spoke gently, deep and huskily as he continued. "I like you, I think about you, I dream about you and I always want you in my life. Tell me it's not the same for you."

"It is Dean, always."

"so do you want to be with me?" as an answer Cas sat up slightly and kissed Dean on the neck softly. Making them both laugh a little. After a quick chased kiss Dean took a deep breath and managed to pluck up the courage to speak his mind. "Then come with me."

"Come where?"

"California."

"What! I am not going to California what about school? and our friends and family? You really haven't thought this through. Cas told him not really taking it seriously"

"Not right now. We can go later." After sensing the seriousness in his voice Cas started to get really offended at the offer.

"So you want to be with me, just not in this state, not where anyone knows us!"

"No that's not what I'm saying. Hear me out?"

"Haven't much choice do I?" Cas said taking note of their position, as Dean was still on top.

"I'm not ashamed or anything, it's just I know how school will act if they found out and we don't need that right near our exams. I know for a fact how my dad will react and yours too I'm guessing. All I'm saying is let's keep it secret until graduation."

"What happens graduation?" Now rather intrigued at Dean's plan, that seemed a bit to well planned out for his liking.

"Cas, I'm giving a speech remember. I promise you, if you agree to this I will publicly announce what I feel for you at graduation, before you come away with me that night. We can go to California, get a little flat. Live together, live alone. We can be ourselves. We can be…"

"Free."

"Exactly."

"And how long have you been working on this idea?"

"Thought of it a few days ago, after I dreamt of me and you in a house, with a white picket fence and a plastic flamingo on the front lawn. it was, nice." Dean choose to leave out the bit about the children.

"You're really cute, you know that?"

"How about it then, besides a little secretly is kinda exciting, makes me want you even more."

"I suppose we could give it a go." Dean smile like a cheshioar cat as he heard the news, as he opened his mouth, out of nowhere Cas gripped hold of Dean's wrists and with impressive strength flipped him over to his back.

"Stop talking now." Cas hastily slurred, before crushing his lips deep into Dean's, who responded by wrapping his legs around Cas' waist, pulled their bodies closer and tighter together. After a few minutes of making out, Dean sat up and whilst still kissing manoeuvred himself to the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor so Cas had to stand. Cas pulled away slightly as managed to get some words in.

"Just because I'm agreeing to this, doesn't mean your going to score tonight Winchester." Dean chuckled slightly.

"I wouldn't dream of it." Then Dean grabbed Cas at the knees and pulled him onto his lap with on quick move, their bodies collided and they began kissing again.

The knock on the door and rattle of door handle gave both boys mini heart attacks and their tongues seemed to had gained a pulse..

"Dean?" came the voice from the other side of the door "Dean, open this door."

"Okay mum." Dean began to move. Cas got of him and sat on the end, when Dean stood up Cas grabbed his arm.

"Erm Dean?"

"Yeah."

"Don't let her in?"

"Why not?"

"Because she always hugs me."

"Something wrong with that?" Dean asked slightly hurt this was his mum after all, Cas looked down to his lap and revealed a large bulge in his jeans, Making Dean laugh.

"Go sit at my desk, look like your reading." Dean giggled a little as he watched Cas rush to do so, after a quick shift to sort his little problem out he unlocked the door and saw his mother on the other side.

"What took you so long?"

"Mum we're studying."

"I know that dear, just wanted to let you know, if Castiel wants a lift I'm popping to the shop in five minutes okay?." after both boys thanked her she left again. When Dean was sure she was gone, he turned to Cas with a burning question.

"When you said I wouldn't score, did you mean with anything or can I do stuff? Its just that I'm…"

"Yes?"

"I'm really turned on Cas." Cas got up from the desk and stood face to face holding his hands.

"Well I am to Dean, just because my body wants you, like yours wants me." Cas said taking note of their hardness, "That doesn't mean I'm ready. Do you understand? Please don't hate me, I want to do it. I'm just not ready." Dean grabbed Cas' waist and dragged him towards him where he gave Cas a soft loving reassuring kiss.

"I could never hate you, even if I tried and as for the other stuff, we'll go your speed, I'll follow your lead okay baby?"

"Thank you. I'd better go," Cas begrudgingly said remember Mrs. Winchester time frame. "I'll see you a school tomorrow."

"Can I call you tonight?"

"Why?"

"So I can say goodnight"

"You're such a girl

"Well can I?"

"I would love that."

"Now who's the girl?"

"Shut up and kiss me." Dean did so and as their lips were finaly parted and eyes still close Dean let slip, probably the most corniest things he has yet to say.

"Goodbye my lover."

"Bye Dean." Cas said as he laughed, Dean could always put a smile on his face.

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**please review xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Enjoy the chapter, sorry if there are any mistakes hopefully there aren't :D**

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Friday was torture. They had to go to school, spend all day together without doing anything. Without hugging, touching, kissing or even looking at each other for too long. When it came to lunch Cas couldn't help himself, when he, Dean, chuck, Becky, and Jo were seated and began eating, he slowly slid his foot up Dean's leg, tingling his senses and making his hairs stand on end. The more he did it and the higher he went, the less Dean could speak and the more Cas smirked, when it can to Anna asking Dean a question, he didn't dare open his mouth for the fear of a groan or two escaping, so for an answer he waved it away and she went onto someone else, a little hurt she didn't get an answer but didn't take it to heart.

Dean's head was ducked down as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. He couldn't take much more. Soon Dean jerked suddenly and stood up excusing himself to go to the bathroom. Where he was going to stay with his little 'problem' was sorted. Little did he know that Castiel followed, using the excuse that he had to see his maths teacher about homework. Cas walked into the toilet soon after Dean and after checking to see if anyone was in and happily finding no one was, he spun Dean around and pushed him against the wall. Dean only had time to recognise that it was Cas before he launched him self onto Dean. Lips moving and clashing fast and eagerly wanting as much as they could have. When they parted Dean looked at the boy in front of him smiled and put his arms around him.

"You my good sir are such a tease." The boys smiled into another kiss, just as Dean took Cas' hand and brought it down to his throbbing erection, it needed a seeing too. Just as he felt Dean's hardness, Cas jumped backwards, nervous and shaky, even a tear filling one of his eyes, he looked at Dean and struggled to find the words as he retreated out the door.

"Erm, sorry Dean, I erm I, you its just…" he was gone and almost sprinted down the corridor. Dean was left standing there feeling like an idiot, he pushed it, why did he have to push it. He closed his eyes and knocked his head against the wall from where he was standing with his back to it. He thought of Cas' scared timid look and he felt like a dick.

* * *

That night Dean was off his dinner his stomach was still churning from the look on Cas' face, that was imbedded in his mind. He spent the whole spent night ignoring his homework as he kept calling Cas, who seemed to be ignoring his calls so Dean left about 20 voice messages and went to bed depressed.

The next morning the first thing Dean did was check his phone, no messages and no missed calls, fuck. After shoving dirty clothes on and venturing out his room for food he collapsed back onto his bed feeling distraught and exhausted he lay there staring at the ceiling for about half an hour before Sam walked in.

"Dean?"

"What?"

"are you alright?"

"peachy."

"Dean…"

"not to be rude or anything Sammy, but get out before I kick you out."

"but…" before Sam could finish his head was collided with a pillow, at quite some force. "Okay, geez. Just going to tell you were off out, mum and dad are taking my trainer shopping."

"Ooo how exciting, now piss off."

"Whatever."

* * *

Dean was then soon left alone. Until that is the door bell rang, and again and again and on the fourth time, Dean put his remaining pillow over his face to try and block out the noise. A few moments after the bell stopped ringing, something strange happened, there was a tapping from the window. Dean was confused and removed the pillow to have a good look. What he saw was surprising and exactly what he needed to see. Castiel. He was on the out side of the window Dean rushed over and opened it for the boy to climb through.

"Cas?"

"Hi Dean." Dean stood there completely bewildered.

"I tried to ring you last night."

"I know, I'm sorry. I was confused, but my heads clear now."

"What does that mean?"

"What happened yesterday."

"I'm so sorry."

"No Dean I am. I should have never reacted the way I did. It was hypocritical of me."

"Huh?"

"It's only natural, how you behaved. It just kinda threw me, I wasn't prepared and I didn't want our first time doing something like that, to be in a toilet. Just demeans everything we have, makes it seedy." Dean knew Cas was right and felt dirty for being mad at him.

"I'm sorry for pushing you; I know I said we'll go at your speed."

"It's okay." Cas assured him as he wrapped his arms around him. "It's okay."

Cas walked Dean over to the bed and lowered him down gently. After placing a soft kiss on Dean's dry lips Cas' attentions turned to his neck then lowered to the top of his chest, after lifting his dark t-shirt which revealed his very impressive chest. Cas kissed and licked down his stomach, licked across the bottom of his stomach just below the waist band completely teasing him. Cas moved back up and started to lick Dean's nipples. Making Dean gasp and grunt several times. Cas began to sink his teeth in the skin just below Dean's right nipple and sucked coursing a severe love bite. As Cas finish Dean realised that during Cas had undone Dean's trouser buttons and started on the zip.

"Cas?"

"Yes?"

"Are you sure?" Cas reply to this was a very passionate kiss that made both boys tingle and give in completely to lust. Cas had to push Dean down onto the bed to stop him kissing Cas. when he was back down on the mattress, Cas descended again and before Dean got his head around what was happening Cas had ripped his jeans off threw them to the floor and was about to do the same with his boxers.

After a quick glance to Dean Cas took Dean's already fully hardened cock in his hand, after pumping a few times, Cas extended his tongue and slowly licked Dean huge shaft, and back down again, Dean's breathing was heavy and erratic. This time when Cas' tongue reach the tip he didn't stop and swirled his tongue around the tip he could taste the pre-cum that was already dripping from Dean's cock. Dean ran his fingers through Cas' hair as he soaked his dick his salvia as he ran his silky wet tongue over his cock slowly picking up the pace. Ever so often it made Dean tighten his grip on Cas' hair and pulled it quite tightly, which secretly made Cas' eyes roll to the back of his head and shudder a little it felt good. Cas thought that he has made Dean waiting long enough so as he held Dean's shaft with his right hand, he kissed Dean's tip before opening his mouth and ran his tongue down his hard and twitching cock as it went deeper and deeper into his mouth, after bobbing his head up and down sucking and licking as he didn't Dean's back arched and eyes closed tightly, the pleasure was immense. Then out of no were Cas removed his mouth and began pumped his wet cock whilst Cas moved down and started licking Dean's balls, causing an even bigger reaction, Dean even pushed Cas' head back down when he looked up to see Dean's face.

"Uh oh god, Cas!" Dean exclaimed as his hot tongue and mouth went back to Dean Cock as his left hand massaged his balls. Cas' bobbing got more and more intense and fast, causing Dean to groan over and over again. He gripped Cas' hair tighter and even start to thrust slightly into Cas' mouth. After a few more minutes Dean started to feel his orgasm pool, it felt a little scary but powerful.

"Oh god. Faster Cas." Cas heeded to his command and ignored it, in fact he became torturously slow, much to Dean's dismay.

"Cas, Cas, please." Cas could not deny anything to him when he sounded them pathetic, his speed double, tripled and instantly groans and uh's and ooh's came pouring out the grateful boys dry parted lips. Dean could feel it coming.

"uh, uh. Castiel!" Dean wheezed out as he came in Cas' mouth, who choked and spat half of it out, making Dean laugh slightly. After wiping his mouth Cas climbed on top of Dean and straddled his naked bottom half. Dean smiled and stroked Cas' face before pulling him down for an exhausted but loving kiss.

* * *

"Oh god Cas, where did you lean that?" Cas smiled and shrugged. They were staring at each other for a while both boys opened their mouths to speak when a phone went of, it was Cas'. As he pulled his phone out his pocket and answered it, Dean sat up pulled his t shirt up and began kissing and licking Cas' chest and stomach, making it very hard for him to talk.

"hey dad, no, yeah. Okay, Okay. I'll come now." Cas then hanged up without saying good bye and launched himself onto Dean they kissed and rolled on his bed for a few minutes before Cas could speak.

"You are a wicked man Dean Winchester. I was trying to talk to my dad." Dean responsed by laughing and kissing Cas' neck.

"Uh. Don't do this to me Dean, uh, I have to, uh, go."

"No, no you don't."

"Yes, yes I do."

"Please?"

"I have to help get the house ready my brothers are visiting." Cas told him as he stood up after pushing Dean away. "I'm sorry baby. But I do have to go." Dean nodded he understood but he hated it, he just wanted to hold his boyfriend. "ill see you Monday."

"What about tomorrow?"

"It's Sunday, you know what my fathers like on Sunday and with my brothers here." Dean got up and placed a quick kiss on the worried boys face before pulling him in for a hug.

"Okay, Monday it is." After a few moments of more goodbyes Dean was felt alone as he collapsed back into his bed, this time he wasn't depressed but smitten, he couldn't control the smile that was plastered over his face as he laid and thought of Castiel.

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**Please review :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Just a little chapter of Dean having to deal with suspicious parents awkward convosations and a bitch for a brother (not that Dean really means it about poor Sammy) during his Saturday night and Sunday without Cas lol enjoy**

**Sorry for any mistakes in grammar and spelling, fingers crossed there aren't but in all honesty there probably are lol xx**

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The rest of the day dragged on and on, a minute felt like an hour and the evening lasted forever. Dean spent most of the night lying on his bed, remembering what was happening on it a few hours before. When it came to dinner Dean once again wasn't hungry, his lack of interest in food started to worry his mum. Sam knew why he wasn't eating, he was lovesick and pinning so Sam lied and informed his mum that Dean was binging on pizza when they were out shopping, which seemed to satisfy her concerns, it did seem a Dean thin to do.

That night was filled with vivid dreams which had some pretty erotic surround sound; unsurprisingly Dean woke up Sunday with an erection, again. Soon after Dean woke and before he could deal with his hardness his door was knocked on and John entered.

"Hey son, can I come in?" Dean nodded sitting up making sure he was fully covered by his duvet. John sat on his bed making Dean slightly nervous. "Dean, is everything alright?"

"Hey Dad, I'm good."

"Are you sure?"

"Totally, now if you don't mind I would like to get dressed." Was the nicest way Dean could think to say fuck off, John continued talking like he hadn't heard.

"It's just you don't seem yourself, you're off your food and you spend most of you time in your room..."

"Hey I'm a teenager; we're moody, impulsive and anti-social, now please…"

"Is it a girl?"

"Excuse me?"

"Is that why your of your food and seem different. Is there a special someone?"

"There might be."

"Has my son fallen in love?"

"I think I'm falling yeah."

"Great, what's her name?"

"You know I said teenagers are anti-social well that means with this stuff, I don't really want to talk about it."

"Well in that case I demand that you come outside and throw the old pig skin around with me."

"Not right now, maybe later," Dean was getting slightly annoyed he wondered how obvious did he have to be for his dad to get the message and leave.

"Come on the sun is up you should be too" John stood and open Dean blue curtains and the sun came streaming in.

"Oh I am." He informed his dad, telling him way too much.

"Come on don't be so lazy," John grabbed the duvet and tried to rip it of his son, who grabbed it in return, "get up come on you." He pulled the cover again Dean was getting so embarrassed trying desperately to hidden his still torturously hard cock,

"No really dad." It was too late John tore the cover away and his erection was so bloody obviously, John went red and covered his son back up, turned his back and tripped over his words.

"Oh, god I'm sorry, I err, I'll come back later." John left and a very, very red Dean flopped back down onto his bed and put a pillow over his face, cold side against his skin. Great he thought, how was he supposed to sort his problem out when his dad know exactly what he's going to be doing. So now he couldn't have a morning wank over his boyfriend, and enjoy it like he planned to do, today was going to be great he could already tell.

* * *

Dean took his time getting up, showered and dressed, after about an hour and a half after the 'morning-glory-father-incident' both father and son were still embarrassed, though John seemed less so. When Dean entered the living room John beckoned him to sit down. Dean did so slowly and wished he could be anywhere but were he was, no. Dean wished to be in a very specific place, in Castiel's arms in bed.

"Listen son about earlier."

"Dad I really don't want to talk about it."

"No, no this has to be said. It's a perfectly natural thing to happen."

"Dad, please."

"I remember when I was your age I used to…" Dean tried he did but he refused to listen he physically couldn't.

"Ergh no, no dad I am not listening." Dean got up to walk away but John just kept on talking.

"Sometimes I still…"

"God Dad! There's a line, you just crossed it." Dean grimaced and quickly moved to the kitchen "ergh!" Dean shouted as he walked.

"What'd I say?" John asked himself, he was just trying to show his son that he was the same once, and sometimes the same now. "Maybe I came on a little strong." John reasoned with himself before turning his attention back to the TV.

"You alright Dean?" Sam asked his brother as he saw him marched to the fridge, as he witnessed the ferocity he slammed the fridge after getting out juice Sam continued. "And what has the fridge done to you now?"

"What? Don't be stupid Sam, it's dad. He's trying to 'connect' and 'bond'." Dean told Sam used very real air quotes as Dean mimicked the words, connect and bond.

"Maybe it's not a bad idea, you don't have much in common, not really." Dean gestured in agreement as he drank his juice.

"There's no point Sammy" Dean stepped towards his brother and spoke in hushed whispers "As soon as he find out about Cas, I'm out of here anyway, hell he'll probably disown me. What's the point in building a bond now, when it will only last 'till graduation."

"why?"

"I've already explained that."

"No I mean why graduation?" Dean looked into Sam's eyes all brown and puppy like, he rolled his eyes and dragged Sam into the dinning room, shut the door and they sat and the table. Dean proceeded to tell Sam about his and Cas' plan to come out at graduation, then ditch this town and head to California for a life together. Sam was left speechless.

"Are, are, are you crazy!"

"Shhh." Dean urges his brother who complied and lower the volume.

"You're just going to up and leave?" Dean nodded "what about your home, family and friends? what about me Dean?"

"I'm sorry Sam, didn't think you'd care that much."

"of course I care!"

"shhh, if I knew you were going to be a whiny bitch I wouldn't have told you."

"Dean please be serious, think about this. Where will you live, how will you live? Do need more than an idea to make a dream reality." Dean he knew it to be true, but fuck it he was doing.

"You're right Sammy, but I'm going none the less and I'm taking my boyfriend and where getting out of this one horse town. Please don't tell a soul" Sam sighed he knew there was no talking his stubborn brother out of this.

"okay, Just promise, you'll visit yeah? and more than at just holidays and that."

"Deal." Dean smile and patted his brother on the shoulder before getting up and going back into the kitchen for a well deserved sandwich.

As he went to his room to eat what can only be described as manwich, Dean's mind fell as it always did, on Cas. He was wondering what he was doing. Sundays were always intense for him, his dad took them to church, prayed and even banned him from doing homework on a Sunday it was, weird. He's brothers also all came around for their fathers birthday and tended to stay a couple of days. Dean knew this meant like the last few times they stayed, Cas would be on constant edge and not see much of Dean or anyone really, usually he didn't mind but now the thought of it killed him.

He slowly ate his food and seriously wondered if he would be able to contain himself when he finally got to see his boyfriend again. True it was only one day but he missed the guy after an hour, a day was torture.

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**Please review :) xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**This chapter shows you Castiel's home life and what he does on his saturday evening and sunday without Dean.**

**Hope you enjoy the chapter. xx**

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By the time Castiel reached his house, his brothers cars were well and truly blocking up the drive way. Gabriel's Red Audi R8 V10 sports car was reflecting the sun as it parked in front of Michael's Volkswagen Touareg 2.5 TDI, with tinted windows. With a sigh he made his way to the house, here we go again he thought. As he got to the door his breath got caught and he felt sick as his heart exploded. His eyes were drawn to the 70's Honda 4 stroke XL250s leaning against the house, there was no mistaking who's it was. Cas couldn't believe it, he even had to reach out and grip the handle to make sure it was real. When ever any relative came he always prayed to see this bike but never did and now it's here in the same place it used to be. His eyes rested on his brother's bike, he felt a smile spread across his face as a million memories flooded his mind thousands involving the very same bike. unfortunatly his mind stopped on the last time he saw this bike, driving away out of his life seemingly for good, the worst day of his life. Now his brother was back, he hadn't seen Balthazar for such a long time.

Though this smile soon faded when he opened the front door as dread set in, dread and deep, deep fear. The last time everyone was together like this there was a huge fight, since then he hadn't seen Balthazar, it has been years the bastard just cut him out of his life, unfortunately not without reason. Cas bit his lip when he came into the living room, there sat four older men, when the boys saw Cas they all stood to greet their little brother. Cas stood in the door way, feeling ashamed he was scared, but he swallowed and held his breath as he stepped into the room and joined his family, being the youngest the others were quite a few inches taller. they looked down at their younger brother and smiled. Gabriel was the first to speak, well not so much speak he put his arms around Cas.

"It's good to see you Cas." he whispered in his brothers ear. It took a few seconds but soon Cas gently put his arms around his brother and hugged back.

"You too Gabriel." Gabriel let him go, he rested his hands on his brother shoulders and looked at the boy he hasn't seen in five months.

"You're hairs gotten long." He joked with the boy.

"You too." Cas told him taking note of how Gabriels is now rather shaggy, he knew their father wouldn't approve of Gabe looking so untidy probably Cas thought that this was probably the reason he grew it. His brother smiled in response, winked as he patted Cas on the shoulder and left him and sat back down on the sofa but still watched Cas' intently. Leaving way for Michael to step forward and greet him.

He was more formal than Gabriel, always had been more professional, in his relationships as well as his outlook to life. He put his hand out which Cas took and they shared a firm yet cold hand shake, Michael nodded to his brother who nodded back, he let go and looking behind him. Michael looked to Balthazar, still standing against the wall, the man was simply staring at the boy in front of him, hardly believing it was the same little boy he had regrettably left behind all those years ago.

He slowly straightened up and walked towards his baby brother. Cas' breath hitched in his throat as he felt tears starting to sting his eyes, he tried desperately to blink them away, but found it impossible to even to blink as he stared into his brothers eyes, he missed him so much. When he did manage to blink the tears were already fully formed and slide speedily down his hot cheeks. When Balthazar got to Cas, he wiped his brothers tears away and smiled softly at him.

"Heya Cassie." He sounded hopeful but at the same time desperate that Cas wont hate him and will respond, he did. Unfortunately not the way Balthazar wanted or anyone expected.

Cas has always been a patient, timid, slightly shy child, slow to anger and even slower to be violent. So when Cas open his mouth to speak and found nothing coming out, there was nothing he could say. All his features hardened as he looked to his brother and found his fist suddenly flying towards Balthazar's face, catching him in the nose. "Five years! Five years and all you could think to say was hey! I honestly thought you were dead, you bastard!" he looked to Cas, eyes filled with tears and blood dripping from his nose, he opened his mouth to speak, just as Cas stormed out the room up the stairs and into his room. Balthazar turned walked past Michael and sat next to Gabriel. Gabriel turned to his brother.

"Well that could have gone better."

"Oh I don't know." Balthazar tried to joke. "At least he spoke to me."

Michael sat down next to Balthazar, "He'll calm down."

"Here's hoping." Balthazar told his brother a little uncomfortable with such sudden closeness.

* * *

When Cas got to his room he flung himself on his bed and buried his head in his pillow, took a breath and screamed into it, hoping the pillow muffled the volume a little, the scream of anger ended in sobs of bitter sadness but mostly of relief that Balthazar is home and is safe. Though Cas was much too angry and stubborn to admit that at the moment. After about half an hour the smell of food being cooked assaulted and caressed his nose and intoxicated his nostrils with the smell of roast pork sizzling in the oven. It was another half an hour before there was a knock on his door.

"yeah." He shouted still lying on his bad facing the wall.

"Cassie?"

"Get out." Cas told his brother without turning around.

"Please Cassie can I come in?" Cas sighed and nodded, Balthazar entered and gingerly made his way to Cas' bed and sat on the edge. "I now it's not worth much, but I am sorry." Cas huffed in a slight amused chuckle. "Please Cassie don't hate me." Cas' stomach dropped, Balthazar thinks he's hated he couldn't be more wrong. Cas got up and sat next to his brother, he looked to his elder brother who's eyes were fixed on the floor.

"I don't hate you Bolly." Cas gently spoke to his brother, who looked up at the sound of his childhood nickname that Cas called him when he could pronounce his full name as a toddler. They smiled weakly at each other. "Does it hurt?" Cas asked gesturing to his red and slightly swollen nose.

"What this? Na can barely feel it."

"I'll try harder next time then." Cas tried to joke, it worked a smile spread across his brothers face. After a few moment spent in silence Bolly nudged his brother slightly.

"I tried to call you know."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, but lost my nerve after a few rings, even when I could hang on until there was an answer I couldn't speak so hung up. I didn't know what to say, everything seemed so pathetic, the longer I was away the harder it became. At least I got to hear your voice ever so often, even if it was only 'hello.'"

"Well your back now."

"Yeah." Silence fell again, only for a minute or so because Gabriel started to shouted for them. "We should go downstairs, you know what dads like, they wont start dinner 'til were all there." Cas smiled as they got up and went to dinner.

* * *

Dinner was awkward but not half as awkward as everyone had expected. They ate in silence every one far too hungry to partake in small talk. When they had finish and were sat around the table, waiting for their dinner to settle before anyone dare move.

"So, balthuzar" Michael started "What part of england did you stay?"

"Oh so you noticed the accent."

"Just a little."

"Erm well I spent a lot of time in london, I visited the peak district a few times and stayed in manchester for a few months on business."

"What kind of business?" their father asked, the first he's spoken all the time Cas had been home and probably since his brothers had gotten there. Of course his father had to talk with suspicion coating his words and superiority over his son. Balthazar resisted the temptation to roll his eyes as he answered.

"Just business, sales that sort of thing."

"Selling what?"

"Whatever really."

"You mean what ever happened to fall of a back of a truck that week."

"Dad!" Gabriel exclaimed shocked at how rude his father was being.

"Despite what you might think dad, my life hasn't gone down the drain because your not controlling it, I have gotten on well on my own. If you must know, I got into university in England, the reason why I went over. I got a job in Manchester during the breaks I managed to make some worth while connections in my field." Their dad was silent stunned at what he was hearing.

"What's your field? What did you study Bolly?" Cas asked.

"Art, well the history and preservation of art and precious objects of the like. I found the preservation of religious objects fascinating, it's crazy what people had faith in." the whole table felt their father tense and boil up. What Balthazar was saying was obviously a direct dig at his dad, who never accepted his father radical beliefs. The smirk Balthazar wore whilst speaking dud nothing to hinder his fathers growing anger who. He knew how much his eldest son being here meant to his youngest, so got up and left the room trying to restrain his anger. When Balthazar caught Cas' eye he winked to his younger brother who did not seem amused.

"Excuse me." He told the table before getting to his feet and promptly leaving. Balthazar dipped his head and wished he hadn't opened his mouth.

* * *

The rest of night went slowly, very slowly. All he could think about was Dean, how he much rather be with him than be in his house in his room on his own or with any one of his family right now. He didn't venture out his room for the rest of the night and even locked it so no one could come in, everyone knew that he never used the lock unless its best for everyone that he stays alone, or the only thing to help the boy is to be alone, so when its locked his family keep away and try not to disturb him.

By the time Cas woke on Sunday he only had ten minutes to get ready before they left for church. Cas manage it in half the time, though his hair did have a just rolled out of bed look to it. As Cas descended the stairs his heart dropped instantly and just wanted to go back to bed or cry and maybe run to Dean's place and hide.

Of course, Balthazar had been back less than a day and he and dad were already at each others throats, he was stupid to expect any different. Bolly never liked church and always resented his father making him attend, today was no exception to their long ongoing argument.

"Dad I don't believe god cares okay? He's not listening to our prayers, so surely me going to church and not believing is more of an insult than me respectfully staying away." Balthazar stated as he slouched in an arm chair in trackies and a white vest, not church wear, their father was furious.

"whilst you're under my roof, you do as I say! You believe what I believe!"

"Oh that's great parenting that is! monkey see monkey do, not grow and learn. Let your children have their own opinions."

"You know very well you can have your own opinions, but faith isn't an opinion Balthazar, it's fact. You got that!"

"I'm going to have to respectfully disagree."

"Don't you be cocky with me boy!"

"Say what you like, I am not going."

"You come into my home, eat my food, sleep on my sofa and you disrespect the most important part of my life!"

"Funny, I thought I was supposed to be the most important part of your life, you know your children!" Cas was standing on the stairs, he had heard this argument so many times, not long after Balthazar's comment, the familiar sound of skin on skin contact in some sort of hit or punch fell unmistakably on Cas' ears.

Cas wondered who was hurt this time, there wasn't any hitting or shouting back after, so Cas was almost certain it was his dad that turn violent first, this time. Because Bolly might have inherited his fathers temper but most of the time he wasn't stupid enough to hit first, not when his father reacts with 'an eye for an eye' philosophy.

Soon after the living room fell deadly quite the front door opened and Gabriel poked his head in, he was coming to see if everyone was ready, instead he found his baby brother sitting on the stairs, staring straight ahead, lip trembling and eyes full of tears that were not aloud to fall. Gabriel knew instantly what had happened he had seen this scene too many times before. After getting Cas' attention he outstretched his arm, Cas didn't think twice before diving into his brothers arms and holding tightly to his chest as he sobbed as quietly and discreetly as possible, Gabriel placed a kiss on his brothers forehead.

His tears were not as quiet as he had planned and soon his father was standing at the living room door watching his trembling son and getting daggers shot at him from his other as he shushed and soothed the boy's sobs. Michael was waiting in his car and started to beep his horn, they were going to be late. Gabriel kept eye contact with his father as they left the house, Gabriel took Cas in his car so he didn't have to ride with his father and get angry at him or embarrassed of his tears.

* * *

Cas didn't speak all the way to church, he didn't pray in church nor did he talk on the way back home. As he walked through his front door Balthazar was there to greet them, with a black eye. Cas stopped dead in his tracks as he saw his brothers face, but he was not shocked he had seen worse, he had had worse. So soon after he turned and went to his room and wasted not time in locking his door. Five o'clock and no one had seen Castiel since getting back, Michael took him up a cup of tea and a sandwich a few hours ago. He had left it outside his door so at least Cas had eaten as it wasn't there when Gabriel brought up a can of Pepsi for his brother.

"Cas? it's me. I've brought you a drink." There was no answer, "Can you let me in?" once again, silence. "Okay well I'm leaving it here, you know If you want to talk I'm here for you bud." No answer, Gabriel felt defeated that he couldn't help his brother "Dinners in an hour." Gabriel then turned to return downstairs. Cas silently opened his door and watch Gabriel go.

"Thank you." Gabriel turned and saw his brother half visible from his room, hold the drink.

They shared a loving smile before Cas returned to his room. Cas didn't mean to be so unsocial but he couldn't deal with the arguments anymore. He loved his family so much and it hurt him to see them shout at each other, make snide comments about and to each other and generally make each others lives hell. He had enough of it before, Cas didn't want to cry over it anymore, he honestly didn't think there were anymore tears to cry over it. He was wrong.

Cas didn't join them for dinner and he felt bad for it, considering he almost never saw them and he's spending the rare hours he could spend with them hiding away in his room. He knew Monday would make everything okay, Monday he gets to see Dean, tomorrow he knew he could deal with his family, but for tonight his attention falls to Frodo and Sam as he finishes his book.

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**I tried to make myself sound all ****knowledgeable** about cars and stuff in the first few lines LOL hope it worked :D truth is i'm really not, so I used google so appoligse if what I've wrote for Gabe, Bolly and Michael's vehicles makes no sense.

**I gave balthuzar a nickname that only Cas calls him, to make their reltionship stronger well their past relationship, I know it sounds werid but I couldn't think of anything else, i was thinking; Balthazar, zar, what rhymes with zar? star? no star just sounds weak so I settled on Bolly, but Cas did come up with it when he was a toddler so I hope you can forgive me LOL.**

**Any way, please review they make me happy :D (- thats me after a review lol) xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**please forgive any grammar or spelling issue this chapter may have, i have double and triple checked but there may still be some buggers in there :D**

**enjoy the chapter xx**

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Monday soon arrived but in no way soon enough, Dean drove himself and Sammy to school, but first stopping to pick Cas up. When Cas came out of his house his smile was as wide as his face and started to run towards the impala as soon as he caught Dean's eye. He got in and all he wanted to do was put his arms around his boyfriend but couldn't for two very good reasons, for one; his brothers had gathered and were currently waving him goodbye he waved goodbye prayed Dean would step on it, and number two deans brother. Sam was sitting in the back and Cas doubt that Dean would appreciate a make out session in front of Sam. Dean sped away near enough as soon as Cas was safely in the car. They drove in silence the boys in the front eyeing each other up and one the back pretending not to notice. After a few moments Dean took a wrong turn and ended up at a dead end and stopped. He turned to Cas who was sating looking extremely confused, Dean turned to his little brother.

"Did you mean it when you said you were cool with…" Dean gestured to him and Cas, Sam nodded "good." Before Cas could ask and Sam could avert his eyes, Dean lunged towards the boy and eagerly pressed his lips against Cas', who kissed back with just as much need for contact. Dean pulled at Cas' clothes as Cas ran his hands through and tugged at deans hair. Sam went red and looked at the window, concentrating hard on the brick wall, once he had read all the graffiti he set to work translating it all into French, anything to distract him from the sounds his brother and his boyfriend were making in the front, the smacking of lips, the clashing of tongue and the groaning oh dear god the groaning. Sammy felt really uncomfortable but didn't stop them, he had no right they deserved to kiss, well right not tongue rape each others throats, but he didn't say anything. Which both Dean and Cas were grateful for and wouldn't forget. When the kiss was over, Dean looked over to Sam who was sitting red faced frozen in the back Dean smiled cockily as thanks Sam smiled back and the car started to roar once more, they drove to school hand in hand. Cas turned to Dean after a few moments.

"Sam knows then."

"Yeah sorry little twat read the letter." Cas went red, he hadn't meant anyone to read that, even the thought of Dean reading it was embarrassing. Sam could see Cas tense up.

"It was beautiful Cas." he tried to reassure him, Cas smiled at him but in no way relaxed. The rest of the ride went by in silence. They the car was parked, Sam quickly jumped out and began his day.

Sam's mind kept lingering on the sight that he had witnessed not long ago; his brother needing, wanting and loving all at the same time, the way they clung to each other as they shared themselves with the other. His mind kept asking the question again and again, he tried to push it away and ignore it but at the end of the day it was still bashing against his skull. 'what would it feel like to kiss a guy?'

Both Dean and Cas spent the whole day with a tortuous desire and compulsive need to touch the other, to feel them and kiss them, though they knew they couldn't. Lunch was the hardest when they couldn't concentrate on work and had to look at each other, looking at each other made everything so much worse. They were in that stage of a relationship were you can't keep there hands of each other, eye contact alone is enough to turn you on and you have to have each other all the time, though they had to do the exact opposite and pretend it didn't bother them, this unfortunately meant both boys had to walk around with a semi all day in a constant state of arousal, knowing they couldn't satisfy their desire made things worse and them so much more horny. They could barley speak. At lunch their friends genuinely asked if they were alright whether they had had a fight or something, of course they both denied it, course they hadn't but they still couldn't look at each other.

When school had finished both boys near enough ran to the impala. When they got to the car, they cursed Sam for not already waiting for them, they looked at each other and laughed, they couldn't believe how hard it was, it was either laugh, cry or throw themselves at each other. Dean decided that light convocation would be good until Sam got there. It would be good to hear Cas' voice.

"How was your weekend?"

"Ergh, stress, stress and more stress. Yours?"

"Pretty standard. What about your brothers how are they?"

"Same as always." Cas' eyes fell to the floor. "Balthazar came back." Dean was speechless, he didn't know what to say, what could he say. Dean still remembers how cut up Cas was when he felt, It was awful.

"Are you okay?" Dean rolled his eyes, he knew how stupid that sounded, how weak, this was his boyfriend and he couldn't even hug him when he's obviously upset. "I'm sorry, stupid question."

"No, no It's okay. Its just you know what my dad and Bolly are like. They lock horns at everything, in some respects their too alike for their own good. I thought given time, dad would miss him, come to respect him and his opinions, but its exactly the same, my dad hasn't change one bit. He acts like Bolly just went to the shops or something and he hadn't cut us out his life for five years. As soon as he came back, they wasted no time in starting up again."

"Did your dad?" Dean didn't know how to say it fortunately Cas knew what he meant.

"Yeah, gave Bolly a shiner."

"And you?"

"I wasn't involved."

"Good, you don't disserve to get hurt Cas."

"Neither does bolly, anyway I did hurt Dean, I was on the stairs I could hear everything."

"Oh Cas." Dean so badly wanted to wrap his arms around the boy but knew he couldn't so instead, put a warm hadn't on his shoulder, the contact Cas felt sent streams of warmth through his body. "I really want to be able to kiss you." Cas brought a hand to the one Dean rested on Cas' shoulder and traced over his wrist finger feather light touches, tingling his senses and giving him Goosebumps.

"I want that too." They looked at each other and just as they were beginning to give in to temptations Sam came, thank god.

Dean and Cas parted and got into the impala and drove of, they pulled into that same ally on the way back, this time Dean only turned to look at his brother who nodded before throwing his weight onto Cas. they kissed both hard and soft with passion and desire, but at the same time with gentle tender moments, of brief pauses to look each other in the eye or to kiss a cheek or jaw or to stroke a face or run fingers down chest's, passion soon overflowed again and they were groaning into each others mouths before they could breathe.

All the time this was happening, Sam knew he had to look away, give them privacy but he couldn't seem to look away, the faces Cas pulled put a lump in his throat, the noises oh god the noises made his stomach churn. When Dean and Cas' kiss ended Sam quickly looked away and prayed they didn't know they had an audience, Sam thanked god they didn't say anything. After Dean kissed Cas on the hand he started the car and drove his boyfriend home. They pulled up outside Cas' and neither boy dared move.

"Am I seeing you tonight?" Dean asked with a desperate hope.

"My brothers are here." Cas unfortunately had to reminded him.

"So?" Dean asked he knew what it meant though refused to admit it.

"So, I never see them, can we hang out tomorrow?"

"sure." Dean told him with a smile. Cas moved forwards to kiss him good bye, when Dean had to physically stop him Cas turned red slightly.

"Sorry."

"Please don't be sorry" Dean softly told him, he wished they could kiss good bye.

"See you tomorrow, bye Dean, bye Sam." Cas hurried out of the car and waved as it drove away. Cas took a deep breath before going into his house, missing Dean already.

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**Please review :D xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**sorry for any mistakes in grammar or spelling :D**

**sorry its a little short, this chapter was alot longer, but i decided to split it into two, so It's not a cliff hanger or anything, the next chapter is already written i just have to double check it and upload it, should be up this evening. no it will be up this evening lol :) enjoy the chapter xx **

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Cas walked into his house trying not to expect anything. After yesterday he didn't want to think about what had happened when he was at school. Cas stood the front door listening for voices, he had a clear shot at the stairs if he heard shouting, thankfully he didn't, so advanced towards the living room. Cas found Bolly and Gabe on the floor playing cards at the coffee table. Gabriel was winning and Balthazar was accusing him of cheating as Cas came in and sat down on the sofa. Gabriel smiled as he came in but it was only after Bolly finished his rant and chucked his cards at his brother's face did he look over and acknowledge him.

"Oh, hi Cassie. Good day?"

"Yeah. Gabriel cheating again?"

"No." Gabe said flat out, with his bottom lip pouted slightly as he picked up the cards. "Balthazar is just a saw loser."

"Oh really, so that ace up your sleeve just happens to be there?" Bolly asked with an amused tone, he was used to this, Gabe like games but liked them more when he won, not so much when he lost. The boy went red slightly and removed it pretending he was surprised by its presence as Bolly and Cas laughed slightly.

"I would have won anyway."

"First year at college nearly over and you _still_ can't cheat properly?"

"Well Balthazar, not that I did or do, but if I want to cheat, I can cheat just fine and no one ever catches me, or wouldn't if I ever did cheat, which I don't. You just have beady eyes, and you're sneaky."

"And you're a moany little bitch."

"Shut up and deal the cards." Gabriel told his brother as he threw the deck back, both smiling as they teased each other.

"You got it Gabe," a smile was firmly planted on his face when he looked to his brother, "Cas you in?" gesturing to the cards in his hands.

"Sure, what are you playing?" Cas asked as he slid of the sofa to join his brothers o the floor around the coffee table.

"Poker what else." Balthazar replied with a wink to Gabriel.

"You do know how to play don't you?" Gabriel asked holding back a little chuckle as he took the cards back from Bolly and began dealing.

"Yes boys." Cas replied wiping the smirks for his brother's faces. "Dean taught me."

"Oh yes Winchester," Balthazar was struck with nostalgia as he remembered the young boy, a strange look went covered Bolly after a second or two as he couldn't look either brother in the eye. "Still friends?" Balthazar's voice suddenly went high and sounded a little meek, like he already new the answer.

"Yes," Cas told him looking through slits like he was examining the guy in front of him. "He's the one that picked me up this morning."

"That was Dean! wow that boy has grown. Looks pretty, well pretty."

"If you say so Bolly." Cas tried to sound casual and even managed to laugh slightly though really all he wanted to do was tell his brother to shut the fuck up about Dean he didn't like his older brother talking like that about his boyfriend. Bolly looked to Cas who was staring at the table, obviously uncomfortable at what he was hearing, Bolly smiled slightly and continued.

"Oh I do, you can tell he's broken a few, hearts in his time."

"Balthazar, head in the game." Cas bellowed in a low gruff of a voice, Gabriel's eyes shot up from the cards to his younger brother when he heard such irritation in his voice, Balthazar was too taking aback slightly but didn't seem to surprised by his reaction on the contrary his smirk widened slightly.

"Sorry Cassie, didn't mean to offend you."

"No, you didn't, its just Dean's my, friend and you're saying he's attractive, you're my older brother. Its weird." Cas stumbled over his words slightly, feeling stupid for snapping like that.

"Okay Cassie, sorry." Balthazar winked at his younger brother before looking to Gabriel who was still staring at the two and had finished dealing.

"Thanks Gabe." Balthazar told his brother as he took the cards,

"'s aright bro, Cas?" Gabriel smiled and turned to Cas to hand him his. Cas didn't take them.

"Sorry Gabe, don't feel like playing anymore." Then got up and left the room. Gabriel looked to Balthazar slightly annoyed, Bolly merely smiled slightly, winked and got up to follow. Gabriel was left sitting on his own, he threw the cards in the air and they fell around him like confetti, as he shrugged and looked around him for something to do.

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Bolly ran up the stairs and caught up with Cas just as he reached his room.

"Cassie wait." Balthazar grabbed his arm and turned the boy around, when he turned Cas revealed a tear that fell down his flushed cheeks as soon as he left the room downstairs. "We need to talk."

"No Bolly, I just want to be left alone."

"It's about Dean."

"What about Dean?"

"Let me rephrase that Cassie, it's about you and Dean." Cas' eyes shot up to Bolly's, his eyes were soft and gentle, Cas' were full of shock, guilt and fear. "It's okay Cassie, I know." Cas was completely speechless, he tried to speak, scream anything, he couldn't even dart into his room and lock the door, he was completely frozen on the spot. Bolly put a hand on his brothers shoulder and spoke gently, calming the younger boy down slightly. "Come on." Bolly led hid brother into his room and locked the door.

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**please review :D xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Whey! I said this would be up this evening, I underestimated myself its up in like half an hour lol and i even manged a cup of tea lol :D**

**anyway same warning for spelling and grammar, enjoy the chapter xxx**

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Cas sat on his bed and Bolly took his desk chair and straddled it and lent on his hands that rested in the back of the chair. They sat in awkward silence Balthazar staring at Cas and Cas staring at the floor, they stayed like this for around five minutes though it felt much longer. Cas finally snapped he ran through all the possible scenarios though in his mind and he hated all of them, if he thought anymore he would probably have a panic attack, but he didn't know what to say and didn't know what Bolly was going to say.

"What do you want from me?" Cas asked sounding pathetic.

"Well, the truth would be a good start." Cas didn't reply right away.

"How did you find out?"

"You told me."

"What?"

"Why do you think I came, after all these years?"

"Bolly I don't und-" Balthazar flipped opened his phone and pressed play, the sound of Cas on his phone stilled Cas in the room to silence.

"_Bolly? Bolly is Cassie, Castiel your brother. Hi, I know you never answer these, I know that. But God Bolly I wish you were here, something happened to me tonight, something I didn't see coming. I wish I could talk to you. I miss you, so much. It's been so long. I wish you were here, you're the only one I would ever talk too about this." _

Castiel sat on his bed listening intently, he listened to how he breathed and sobbed his words out, how they were slurred and slightly inaudible, the message went silent for a moment, the boys could here a swig of a bottle as Cas on the message nosily glugged his way through the remains of it, after there was a bang on glass hit carpet the Cas on the message spoke.

"_This is wants it's led to Boll's stealing dad's whisky and drinking alone. You've left me alone here! Please come home. I know I say this in every message you ignore but, something happened Bolly, something big. Everything is so messed up. Do you remember when we were younger, I was just a kid and my friend Dean came round for the first time. He had you laughing, you liked him didn't you? Well he was the one that kept me going when you fucked off. You left me alone with dad and he kept me sane. I get you were twenty three I get that but I was thirteen Bolly, you were my life! Michael had moved out and Gabriel was living with his mum, it was you and me against the world, then it was just me. Everyone wanted out Bolly, we all wanted to get away from him, but no one else just left! Everyone else visited came around, but you! I thought I was going to die! Dean was the only thing that made it better. He put me back together bolly, he makes he whole. And then tonight, tonight he, he kissed me. And I kissed him back! Bolly I have to tell someone, I don't know what to do. I can't tell dad and no one else is here, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I phoned, but I needed to talk to someone. I love you bolly, please come home. Help me." _

There was silence in the room, as Bolly shut his phone to end the message, it wasn't the end of it, but he thought Cas really wouldn't want to hear him self run to the bathroom and be sick. Cas opened his mouth and shut it again, he repeated his action several times before he could pluck up the courage to speak and Balthazar waited patiently.

"I don't remember that."

"Well, you were wasted."

"Exactly, I was drunk. I didn't mean it."

"Bullshit, you know as well as I do people don't lye when they're drunk, they say what you can't when sober. Don't lye to me Cassie."

"Okay so I meant it, so what?"

"So? So I came back as soon as I got this! So, I was worried to death! So I though dad might have found out. So, I want to help."

"Help? It's funny that you haven't given two shits about the other messages I left for you."

"That's not fair Cassie, I had to leave, you know that. I couldn't look at dad I was so angry, but more than that Cassie, I was scarred."

"So scarred you fucked off and left a thirteen year old boy behind?"

"I never said I handled it well. But you weren't alone, you had Michael and Gabriel that could be around within a drop of a hat, you wanted me there but you didn't need me."

"Who are you trying to convince Balthazar me? Or you? Did you ever think there was a reason for a lock on my door!"

"Oh Cassie. I felt guilty everyday since I left, and this was a way of making it right," Bolly got of the chair and knelt by his teary eyed brother. Balthazar cupped Cas' cheeks and rested his forehead to his brothers, all eyes started leaking salty tears. "Let me make things better."

"If you wanted to make it better, to help. Then what was that downstairs?" Cas bushed his brother away and stood up he didn't want Balthazar to touch him. "'oh Dean's so pretty.' Was that just to torment me?" Cas shouted as he tempted a British accent, and failed.

"Of course not, I had to be sure Cassie. I had to be sure it wasn't some sort of joke, but then this morning I saw the way you smiled when you saw him and I saw the way he looked at you, I knew then. But I still wasn't certain until the way you reacted downstairs. If it wasn't true I wouldn't have showed you the message, since you hadn't mentioned it I guessed you didn't remember, I was trying to save you unnecessary embarrassment. Cassie, let. Me. Help. You."

Bolly approached Cas and put a hand on his shoulder, Cas shoved it away again and went to the other side of the room with the bed in-between them, Bolly got the message and stayed to his side leaning against the door.

"Thanks but no thanks Balthazar. It's sorted without you."

"So you and Dean are?"

"Gay. I'm gay Bolly, and a Son to a homophobic, alcoholic bastard and brother to a twat." Bolly kicked the door as he heard what his brother had to say, Cas went deadly quiet. There was silence for a long time the only sound in the room was Bolly's breathing trying to calm himself down. Cas felt guilty as hell for bringing Balthazar into this and shooting him down so suddenly, but he couldn't help himself.

"So, so dad doesn't know?" Balthazar eventually said back to Cas, forehead against the door.

"No and he's not going to." Cas was deadly serious about that, and Bolly slightly amused turned to face him.

"Do you expect to keep it quite forever?"

"Not forever, just until graduation. Then I'm telling him and leaving for California with Dean."

"What? Who's bright idea was that? How is running from this going to help?"

"Hypocritical much?" Cas snorted out.

"You're right, I'm sorry. But I've made this mistake Cassie, I left. I ruined my life, I let my fear drive me away from my home, my friends, my family. I come back and my friends either don't remember me or want nothing to do with me, dad's worse than ever, Michael looks down his nose at me, like I failed at being a big brother, Gabriel refuses to talk about it and you, you hate me." Cas made his way around the bed and to his brother, suddenly sounding vulnerable and pathetic.

"We've been though this before, I don't hate you. I just, hate that you left. It sounds like you hate your self more." Cas pulled his brother in for a hug, Bolly held on tight never wanting to let go, ever. "I do." Bolly mumbled into the hug, it broke Cas' heart. When they finally parted, tears staining Bolly's cheeks and were rapidly filling Cas'.

"Well I'm back now."

"For how long?"

"As long as it takes for you to be sorted. Then I'm leaving this place, for good." Balthazar told him as he looked around the room, when he caught sight of Cas' darkened expression he reassured him. "But I won't leave without you."

"What do you mean?"

"When it's all out, you're done with school and ready to leave, leave with me, you and Dean. It's a darn sight better then California at least you'll have a place to stay. I don't want to say goodbye to you again Cas."

"Go with you. To England!"

"No to Colorado, I have a small place there."

"A small place? Wait Bolly, how long have you been in America?" Balthazar stared at his feet. "Balthazar?"

"About a year and a half," he mumbled as he looked at Cas, who's eyebrows shot to the ceiling and mouth opened, but before he could speak Balthazar attempted to explain himself. "But listen. I wanted to come back, I even drove past the house and your school a few times, but I didn't have the balls to stop. Cassie?"

"All this time you were one state over." There was silence again, Bolly was expecting Cas to flip out, instead in took a deep breath a looked into his eyes, completely serious. "If you ever, I mean ever piss off like that again, even for a week. I will kill you. And I will make it look like an accident. Do you understand." Bolly chuckled slightly and wrapped his arms around Cas' shoulders and kissed his brother of the head.

"Deal." He told his brother through a smile.

"Dean was pretty set in California, I'll see what he says about Colorado. But I think it would be amazing Bolly."

"You and me against the world." Balthazar told his brother with a smile who beamed in return.

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**Please review :D xx**


	13. Chapter 13

**I would like to thank everyone for reviewing it means a lot :D**

**the usual warning for spelling and grammar. **

**it occuried to me that this chapter might come as a bit of a shock, slightly out the blue, but i have hinted in previous chapters that this happens lol any way enjoy xx**

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That night Cas phoned Dean, they talked for hours about Bolly's suggestion. Dean was shocked at first, but then again being only one state over would make it easer to keep his promise of regular visits to Sammy. Plus already having a place would mean they weren't on the streets or anything. But what convinced Dean was the fact it was Balthazar, and hearing Cas' voice, so happy and cheerful at the prospect of living with Bolly. Dean couldn't refuse Cas anything, especially not the part of his family he's been longing to get back.

-x-

The next day as school went the same as the previous one, two desperately horny teenagers made out before and after school in an alley in Dean's car, in front of Sammy, but never at school. For the rest of the week this is how it played out. Sam knew he should be a little more disturbed by this, and he was shocked at his lack of negative thoughts about their daily detours. Sam found himself staring at their actions, one day he stared at their lips, another their hands how they grabbed and stoked each other, on Thursday he closed his eyes just to listen to the sounds, the smacking of lips, the desperate groaning was so, Sam didn't want to finish that sentence so let it hang in his mind. The boys wishing they could do something at school, even just touching, but no, nothing to rise suspicion.

When Dean dropped Cas off Dean stopped Cas from leaving. "Come see me tonight."

"I can't my brothers,"

"Are staying to the formidable future and I miss seeing you."

"I know, I miss you too."

"It's not fair they get to see you so much and I so little."

"Dean please."

"no I'm sorry Cas, they might been your brother s but I love you too and its not fair okay, I want to spend time with my boyfriend is that so wrong?" a huge smile spread across Cas' face, Dean was utterly adorable sometimes.

"I'll come over after dinner." Now it was Dean that smiles like a Cheshire cat.

"I really want to kiss you, your so god damn beautiful." Dean told his lover as he raised a hand and quickly grazed his finger tips over Cas' dry lips.

"Save it for later, around 7?" Dean eagerly nodded and Cas got out before near enough skipping into his house. Sam was smirking as they starting to drive away, Sam didn't know Dean could be such a girl.

"What?" Dean growled at his brother as he caught his eyes in the mirror, Sam shrugged, "One word Sammy, and I'll kick your smart as out the car." Sam's smirk widened slightly but he didn't say anything, just looked out the window. Dean too drove with a smile, he was overflowing with anticipation for tonight. just the thought of hold cas in his arms gave him tingles.

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Dinner at Cas' with his family was a lot less awkward than there first dinner together but was still generally silent. The whole time their dad, who was obviously drunk. Was staring a Balthazar, like a brooding child bottom lip pouted slightly. Bolly trying his best not to notice or say anything. When dinner was over their father finally spoke, still intensely and coldly staring at his eldest.

"Why are you here Balthazar?" there was so much hatred in his voice, everyone stopped talking, chewing and even movement, the room went deadly quite waiting for Balthazar's response. He knew from experience not answering him was a sign of 'disrespect' but answering him was always a bad idea as well. Bolly took a deep breath to calm him self before answering making sure it didn't sound anything like a sigh because that too is a sign of 'rudeness.'

"I'm here father, because I missed my family after five years away."

"Who asked you to come back?" their father snapped back sounding cruel and callous.

"Who asked you to let me in, if you're that disgusted with me being here, you didn't have to let me in, in the first place?" Bolly was getting more and more irritated and wished he could leave the room, but when his father was like this. It was better him then anyone else.

"Now you listen to me boy," using his cutlery knife to point at his eldest, clearly getting annoyed, Gabriel was already near tears, as Michael was eyeing up the knife and bracing himself to pounce.

"It was me." Cas spoke, out of now where staring at his plate.

"Cassie…" Balthazar hissed, wishing he would shut up.

"I phoned him and asked him to come." Balthazar eyes closed, he knew Cas has just made a huge mistake, he knew this was end bad, he could feel the angry vibrate of his father.

"Why! We're happy without him, aren't we?"

"Of, of course father." Cas stuttered, suddenly scared of his shouting dad.

"Dad, Cas didn't mean any harm. He's young and emotional." Michael interjected attempting some sort of order and peace, though he long since gave up on peace.

"Michael's right dad, don't be mad at him." Gabriel's voice was weak and held no authority.

"That's right, be mad at me." Balthazar told his father, he was the eldest, he was the one that took his father on, to protect the rest and especially Cassie, he was so timid and pure and he was always here, Bolly couldn't let Cas get in their fathers bad books.

"But he is still part of our family." Cas was suddenly filled with anger, Balthazar had done nothing to get angry about during their dinner, their dad had no reason to be angry, but he never really needs one.

"Family doesn't fuck of for five years!" their father told up and bellowed his response to the table, whilst staring at Cas. Balthazar knew this to be a bad sign, a very bad sign. He made a decision, he knew it would hurt, but it was the one thing to ensure Cas would be unharmed. He would be everything his dad saw him to be, rude and disrespectful cheeky and smug.

"and why did I leave in the first place, dad?" their fathers eyes widened as angry over flowed, he grabbed the nearing thing to him, a glass tumbler, and smashed it hard against Balthazar's head. Bolly instantly felt a sharp burning pain as the hard glass cracked against his fragile skull, as his fathers hand lowered so did the remains of the glass he head, slicing Bolly's cheek as he did, coursing even more blood to flow from him, he fell from his chair, the room brighter and voices muffled, as he fell he could worked out Gabe and Cas screaming before he blanked out.

"No!"

"Leave him." Their dad shouted as the youngest as Cas darted to Bolly's side

"Bolly, Balthazar are you okay? Look at me, Bolly!" Cas shook him slightly then cupped his face and willed his brothers eyes opened as his filled with tears.

"I said leave him." Their father stumbled over to Cas, and pushed him away from the unconscious man, using more force then he meant too, the young boy was crouching, so was pushed to his feet momentarily before loosing balance and collapsing to the floor, catching his head on the corner of the table. He fell to the ground and did not move, leaving behind a little blood on the table.

"Cas!" Gabriel instantly shouted and was by his side in an instant, it took a second or two for their dad to figure out what he had just witnessed through his blurry vision.

"Castiel!" his dad shouted, he didn't mean for that to happen, of course blaming Balthazar entirely, gave the man on the ground an almighty kick in the ribs with his steal capped boots before Michael got to him and held his arms, in an impressive move that made the stumbling incoherent man powerless to move.

"Dad! That's enough!" Michael shouting and he relaxed a little reassuring his son.

"I'm alright, I'm alright. Let go Michael." He spoke calmly, but a fire still burnt in his eyes.

"No! We've done this too many times dad." Michael forceful took his dad upstairs away from the boys and drama where he couldn't do anymore harm, to them.

"Cas? Balthazar?" Gabriel darted from one unconscious brother to the next, he began to cry unstoppably, he reached for the phone and shakily he hastily dialled 911, he waited for an answer and asked through his sobs, "Ambulance please." Before he could get connected, the phone was snatched from him and hung up, "What the hell?" Gabriel turned and Balthazar was sitting up and putting the phone back on the table. He caught his brother's gaze and tried to smile but it hurt to do so.

"Don't phone them Gabe. Help me up."

"Balthazar are you alright?"

"Just fine." He stood on shaky legs with blood covering the left side of his face and head, holding onto Gabe's arm then he saw his youngest brother, "Cassie?" he fell to his knees, coursing shooting pains to course through his head, "Cas? Cassie!" Castiel came around and moving his head slightly, before the pain stopped him from deciding to do that again any time soon. The clock in the dining room struck seven and Cas' eyes flickered slightly.

"Dean?" the dizzy disoriented boy asked for his lover and broke Bolly's heart that he couldn't give him what he obviously wants the most, but smiled he was okay, well alive and semi-conscious.

"Come on I'm taking you to hospital." Balthazar helped Cas to stand they held onto each other both as shaky as the other, Gabriel had to hold them keeping them both steady.

"No Balthazar, I'm taking you two to hospital, you are in no fit state to drive."

"Gabe I'm okay,"

"You have glass in your skull."

"Maybe less okay then." Balthazar tried to sound cocky but had to stop himself being sick as he spoke.

"Come on." Gabriel helped the boys to his car and hastily drove them to hospital, the two injured boys in the back seat. Though he was slurring his words and drifting in and out himself Bolly didn't seem to care and spent the journey to the hospital trying to keep Cas conscious and talking.

* * *

"Anyone else getting a wicked case of déjà vu?" Bolly asked as he sat in the hospital waiting room holding a bloodied lump of toilet tissue in his hands, though he was supposed to be keeping pressure on his head, if he did he could feel the glass that remain embedded slicing deeper into him So stopped and began to mop up the slither of blood coming from Cas' with a second load of tissue.

"Not funny Bolly." Cas hazily slurred with a vacant smile and slightly glazed eyes.

"Come on, it's a little funny." Bolly look down to Cas who's head was resting on his brothers shoulder, his eyes were closed and Bolly panicked a little and shook him awake. "Cas, stay with me." Gabriel came over and sat down opposite Balthazar.

"You're both checked in."

"What's the cover?"

"I told them a bar fight. That explains the glass."

"But Cas is underage."

"That explains the bar fight."

"Great so what I'm the bad guy, sneaking a minor into a bar then starting a fight when were caught, great."

"Sorry."

"No its okay, thank you for looking after us."

"Balthazar Novak?"

"Yeah, can you see my brother, Castiel first?"

"The other doctor will be free in a few minutes, that injury looks nasty, come on."

"Please, look if he's only a few more minutes I'll wait. Doctor he's my baby brother."

"Very well." Balthazar walked Cas over to the doctor but got dizzy and the doctor held his shoulder and looked into his eyes.

"Go sit down, rest and wait for the doctor." Bolly nodded and Gabriel walked him back to his seat, just in time for Balthazar to get to dizzy enough that he vomited into the bin next to his chair, he threw up three times before sitting up again and shooting a small smile to his very worried looking brother.

* * *

It was another three hours before Gabriel stood over Cas and Bolly's hospital bed. Cas had to had stitches but despite the amount of blood the cut was reasonably small and his hair covered up the mark, his concussion was mild, it was mostly the shock. Even so he wasn't allowed to go home he had to stay the night, just to be safe. Bolly wasn't so lucky, they still hadn't got all the glass out from his head, his skull was fractured and concussion rather server, the slashes on the side of his face were deep, needed stitches and some even went straight through his cheek completely. They were fortunate enough though to get two beds next to each other.

"I want to stay with you."

"Don't be silly Gabe, go home, get some sleep, you look awful." Cas nodded in agreement with Bolly. Gabriel agreed he didn't like it but he agreed. He kissed his brothers on their heads - the non injured part and told Cas he was picking him up tomorrow and keeping him home from school, they had each other but Gabriel was still hesitant.

"Go already, we'll be fine." Cas told him.

"It's not so bad, at least the nurses are cute and the doctors are hot." Bolly remarked and Gabriel left the hospital with a slight smile on his face.

"Cassie?"

"hmm."

"what are you going to tell Dean?"

"shit."

"what?"

"I was supposed to be round there tonight at seven and I'm three and a half hours late."

"Hey, hey sit down. If I have to suffer a hospital for the night, so do you. Dean will understand it wasn't your fault. Just tell him what happened."

"It's not that simple."

"Dean does know, doesn't he? About dad?"

"No."

"But he's been you friend for what? Eight, nine years? How could you not tell him?"

"It never came up."

"Cassie! You on about running away with him spending your lives together, how can you not tell him."

"I was ashamed of it okay! I still am. I got good at reasons for a black eye or a bruise here or there, it was only ever so often, then I got really good at hiding it. It didn't happen every day so it was nothing suspicious."

"Cassie, he has to know, after all these years you have to tell him."

"How many people have you told Bolly? You're the victim here, I just got caught in the cross fire. You the one he's gunning for." Balthazar nodded he hated that Cas was right, but not on everything.

"If you only get caught in the cross fire, how many times have you had to hide an injury in the last five years."

"And how many times did you have too when you were my age?"

"Fair play. But Cassie it's different with you."

"How?"

"Because you matter!"

"And you don't?" a horrible silent fell between the two, both boys hated what their dad does and how it makes them feel. Cas knew Bolly was right Dean should know, Cas should be able to trust him. He decided that if he was going to have a future with Dean, then he would have to know his past. That's if Dean would talk to him after this.

* * *

Dean lay on his bed checking the time every few minutes, it was seven thirty, by eight he started to call, leaving messages again and again, by the time it was nine, Dean was screaming down the phone in tears leaving angry messages for his lover. Sam heard the commotion and came in.

"Dean?"

"Piss off Sammy."

"No, your upset."

"No I'm not, I'm pissed off."

"No your upset, you're crying."

"I don't cry Sammy, this is angry manly eye watering of manly anger, because my fucking boyfriend stood me up, again!"

"Again? what are you on about?"

"He's been doing it all week, Monday is film night, Tuesday and Thursday is homework night and Wednesday's is game night, that's the way its always been and he hasn't been round all week."

"Dean stop being such a baby, you running away together after graduation, he leaving everything behind so he can have a future with you, and right now he need some family time and your getting all jealous and pissed. And you say he's selfish! And don't bother kicking me out, I'm leaving, you're pathetic."

Sam left his brothers room and didn't forget to slam the door as he did. Dean collapsed onto his bed and buried his head in his pillow, he hate that he was jealous if Cas' family but he was, he wanted Cas all to himself, all the time, no one else should be allowed to have him he thought and his pathetic love stick tears fell.

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**Please review :P xx**


	14. Chapter 14

**I expected to put this chapter up the same day as the last but being a twat that i am i didnt save it and lost everything :'( i was so pissed off i couldnt write it again so instead i went away read the first percy jackson book and watched the film -loved the book and the film well and truly raped the book and spunked over its pages lol not a fan of the film . any way i did that went to the pub got drunk, stayed round my boyfriends ;) visited my foster mum for easter and then I manged to rewrite this so thats my excuse why it didnt go up straight away lol ...anywho ****enjoy the chapter :D **

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The next day Dean drove to Cas' like he usually did and waited to take him to school as had became accustomed too, only this time he planned to have a talk with him first. Only Cas didn't come, after beeping his car horn a few times the door front open and despite himself it gave Dean an eruption of butterflies. Unfortunately, Dean didn't see Cas walking out but Gabriel and his heart sunk again. Before Gabe got into his car, he walked to Dean's, Gabriel spoke into the open window.

"Hi Dean, erm Cas isn't going to school today, he feels, unwell."

"What?"

"Sorry Dean." With that Gabriel left, got into his car and drove off.

Gabriel was shaking when he walked into the hospital he hated hospitals too many bad memories, just too many memories period. Fortunately, Castiel was waiting just inside the entrance he had already checked himself out and was waiting for Gabe. Unfortunately he had spent the time waiting for his brother listening to the voice mails Dean left him last night, by the time Gabe arrived he was near tears, Castiel was helped to the car and sat in the back in silence.

"How's Balthazar?"

"He's okay, seeing the doctor."

"He'll be fine, hard skin on him, he has."

"Well in our family it's a necessity." Gabriel caught Cas' eye in the mirror, Cas' eyes were a cold and angry blue, like a snow storm in summer determined on freezing hell. Gabe could not hold his gaze so looked away and an awkward silence fell between the brothers, Gabriel coughed in an attempt to clear the air as he quickly changed the subject.

"I saw Dean today."

"Oh." Cas tried to speak casually and calmly and failed, his voice went abnormally high as he blushed slightly, though thankfully Gabe didn't say anything.

"He came to pick you up for school." Cas sat in the back seat smiling like an idiot after he heard this, Dean had come for him, Cas reasoned that this much meant he still cares, or at least still recognising his existence, though honestly Cas was really not hoping for the latter. If the voice messages Cas got from him were anything to go by, he would have to find out whether Dean even wants to know him, if he did he knew he would have to tell Dean, everything. Cas was determined to get everything sorted one way or another, tonight.

* * *

Balthazar was sat upright in his bed; he was flirting with anything that moved since he woke up, what else was he supposed to do? He even sweet-talked a cute petite brunette nurse into bringing him a magazine.

"Thanks Linda sweetie." He told her with a wink and she smiled with a slight blush in response. Though it hurt to read the small text he was content to look at the pictures, after all they were of hot cars and fast women. Balthazar was to engrossed in this to notice the dark haired doctor approaching, his nose was buried in his clip board as his deeply dark brown eyes studied his patient results, he stopped by Balthazar bed side.

"Okay, Balthazar Novak." The doctor went silent and moved closer to the paper in front of him slightly, as if he didn't believe what he was seeing. "Novak?"

"What's up doc?" Balthazar jokingly addressed the man but didn't look up from his magazine.

"Balthazar Novak."

"What? Don't believe me? Would not be the first." Balthazar said with a slight sigh and matter of fact tone as he turned the page.

"No, it's me." Balthazar didn't know what the doctor was on about and stared blankly at him. The doctor flashed his badge, which read 'DR, M. Johnson.' Balthazar read it and clicked, he could hardly believe who this was standing before him, all grown up, though he didn't put this across he favoured a less emotional reunion.

"Ah yes mark Johnson. Jefferson high, wow."

"Yeah, it's been a long time." Balthazar nodded in agreement knowing it was his fault for that, both man felt slightly awkward they hadn't seen each other in so long and now when reunited they were lost for words.

"How you been?" Balthazar asked politely, it was an innocent enough question but slightly cold, Balthazar cringed when he said it, he should have though of something better to say, especially to mark, someone whom he's shared such a history.

"Well I'm a doctor now." Mark joked with his old friend, allowing Balthazar cocky self to shine though and relax both men a little.

"Really? And here's me thinking the white coat was purely for my benefit." Balthazar told the doctor with a wink, who laughed in response, happy to hear that smooth cocky voice again.

"The same old Balthazar, how's life been treating you?"

"I'm, surviving."

"Looks like it." Mark remarked as he gestured to his patients head.

"Piss off." He told his old friend with his old school boy smirk.

"Well okay, it's not like I'm your doctor or anything."

"Well I want to get out of here alive, so I would rather have the doctor that didn't cut the frogs legs off in biology because, he got board."

"I think your confusing me with you."

"Yeah maybe, but you enjoyed it."

"Course I did." Both men laughed a little, both not realising until now just how much they missed the other after all these years how good it felt to laugh with each other again. "What happened to you man?"

"You mean in general or my head."

"Well for starters in general. You just fucked off." Balthazar heard anger in marks voice, but there was a distinct hint of pain.

"Yeah sorry about that." Though he sounded casually Balthazar really was sorry, he just found it heard to talk.

"Five years." Mark persisted trying to get through to his patient how much it hurt him.

"I'm sorry." He sound sincere and he was, it hurt him to think about the people he left behind.

"You didn't even tell me." Balthazar couldn't hold his gaze, and closed his eyes as continued.

"I wanted to say good bye, I just," the words stuck in his throat he was never good at these sorts of convocations.

"Pussied out?" Even after so long mark new how to put it for Balthazar to admit his feelings with admitting he had any, turn it slightly vulgar.

"Yeah completely, it was easier just to leave."

"Why did you go?"

"Had to get away, wanted to travel you know?" Balthazar still couldn't look him in the eye,

"A postcard would have been nice." Mark's voice was soft as his hand found it's way to Balthazar cheek, and gently turned it so their eyes met again. "You just cut me off, after everything we've been though." Balthazar looked away which removed Mark's hand and laughed slightly trying to inject some humour into this suddenly intense situation.

"If I remember correctly it was you that hung up on me when I phoned last week."

"Well I hadn't heard from you in five years, I thought it was some kind of sick joke, how was I to know you acquired an accent."

"Yeah forget about that, okay your forgiven sweetie." They looked at each other and smile, mark answered playing along with his friend.

"Why thank you." The smile the doctor had on faded slightly and he told his patient "I missed you." Suddenly Balthazar looked to mark his eyes curiously foggy as he spoke honestly and direct for the first time in a long time.

"You know, I have only made a few bad choices in my life, leaving was one of them, loosing you was another." Their eyes locked as they smiled gently at each other, both had things to say and neither could find the words.

"Okay," mark interjected before he started back slightly and gazed quickly at his clip board. "About the head."

"Aw yes bar fights are vicious."

"Bull. What really happened?"

"I told you."

"Drop the act." Mark was starting to sound annoyed.

"What act?" Balthazar asked as innocently as possible. Mark hissed and spoke through hushed angry tones;

"Don't do that you son of a bitch. Don't do that sad little smile you put on that gets you though awkward questions, I've saw it too many times in school, and here when a wife insists she's just clumsy or she walked into a door. You can tell me the truth, I'm a doctor I can help, I can do something, I'm not just some kid anymore." He urged his friend to admit what he feared to be true.

"Good, then you can fix my head." Balthazar was not playing ball, he was not about to give up his most hidden secret so easily but mark persisted.

"Balthazar, the glass we took from your head was cut, what bar serves cut pattern glasses?"

"Obviously not the bars you go to." Mark sighed he knew him to much to think he could get any where.

"Just answer me on question, just say yes or no. Honestly. Was it a bar fight?"

Balthazar sighed as he closed his eyes he desperately wanted to tell him the truth just to tell someone, but he wasn't sure he could after all this time, for a long time he stayed quiet before his answer reached his lips. "Yes."

"Fine. You can go home in a few hours." Mark told him feeling defeated, he scribbled something down on his clip board and turned to leave, 'no' Balthazar thought it can't end like this, Balthazar grabbed mark's arm getting his attention.

"I, I missed you too." Both men smile and couldn't seem to look away from each other, they were both reminiscing the times they spent together as teenagers, Mark was such a good friend always there when he needed him.

"Come for a drink with me. For old times sake." Mark finally suggested, an even bigger smile appeared over Balthazar's face.

"Sure. I'd like that."

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**Please review :D xxx**


	15. Chapter 15

**please enjoy this chapter, this is a one of two part chapter things, but the other chapter will be up today :D**

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Dean was silent and broody all the way to school, when Sam met Dean again after school for his lift home; his friends had obviously failed to cheer him up because he was as moody as ever. The ride home was silent as they pulled up to their house, Sam turned to his brother before getting out.

"I'm sorry about last night Dean. I was a dick." He nodded in agreement but didn't say anything back as the brothers got out the car and into the house.

Dean was really not in the mood to indulge in unwanted small talk with his folks so went straight to his room, locked it behind him, closed his eyes and lnt agisnst the door, he sighed and threw his bag on the floor. All Dean could see in his mind was Cas, he knew he wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone let alone him, especially him. Dean felt stupid and guilty and ashamed at how angry he got, most of all he felt embarrassed at those voice messages he left, he needed to apoligise, Dean pulled out his phone from his pocket, eyes still shut picturing Cas with him, he pressed speed dial for him and held the phone to his ear.

When a sharp and sudden ring attacked his ears, Dean's eyes shot open what he saw rendered him completely speechless. Cas was sitting on his bed holding his ringing phone staring at him. Their eyes locked and neither of them could move, their hearts quickened and stomachs turned, they couldn't even find the strength to turn of the ringing that still rang loudly through the room. After Cas finally managed to flip his phone drown to stop the call, he got up and gingerly made his way to Dean, legs still a little wobbly.

"Cas?" Dean gently asked not believing his eyes, he reached out to touch Cas' cheek as he approached, it really was him, tears started to fill Dean's eyes as he stepped forward and held Cas close in a desperate hug, Cas held Dean back relieved he could still touch him, Dean was still his.

"Look Dean, I really have to tell you something."

"So do I, can I go first I need to say this before I loose my nerve." Cas nodded and sat back down on the bed. "I'm so sorry."

"For what?"

"Those messages."

"Oh."

"Yeah, I'm so, so sorry."

"It's okay."

"No it's not, I was stupid and selfish and It's not fair of me to be a dick to you." Dean joined Cas on the bed and held his hands. "You are the most gentle and kind person I have ever met, you would never intentionally hurt any one. I need to learn to share you. Your brothers are important to you too and I'm sorry, I just needed to be with you and," Cas smiled as he lent in and pressed his lips against dean's not letting him finish the sentence, their lips caressed gently at first but it soon built to quite a passionate embrace. Cas pulled away his head was still throbbing but his heart was soaring.

"What is it?" Dean asked concerned thinking maybe he went to fast but hoping he wasn't.

"Can you, can you hold me?" Cas sounding so needy and pathetic Dean's heart melted, he moved so he was lying on the bed and smiled to Cas as he cuddled up to him, head on Dean beating chest and one leg draped over his slightly, Dean's arms fit perfectly around the boy as he held him close. Dean lowered his head and placed a soft kiss on Cas' temple, the younger boy tensed and winced slightly at the contact, Dean's lips was a few cm's away from his stitches that were hidden beneath his black slightly scruffy hair. The contact sent sparks of pain buzzing around his head and body.

"Are you okay?" a suddenly worried Dean asked, Cas nodded and he thanked god they were laying how they were laying, if Dean saw his face he would know he was lying, Cas' face went ghostly white and eyes were full of pain and foggy with tears he was quickly trying to blink away. "what did you want to tell me?" Cas looked up to his lover thankfully by now Cas was looking normal again, he smiled gently, he knew what he had to do, but how could he destroy this moment this beautiful tender loving moment, that would surly be shattered if Dean knew just how messed up and twisted Cas felt. Would Dean be able to take it would he stick around?

"Just that, I love you." Dean smiled being none the wiser he believed this was all that was pressing Cas to speak and gently kissed his boyfriend on the lips before they settled back down again.

Castiel was so tired having getting next to no sleep in that hospital so as he lay in the arms of his beloved feeling for the first time completely relaxed and looked after he soon drifted into sleep. Dean lay staring at the ceiling as his twirled Cas' soft black hair in his fingers and listen to the soft purr of Cas' breathing as he slept. Dean smiled as he hugged his sleeping angel and kissed his head. After a few minutes Dean his fingers through Cas' hair his, his fingertips ran over a lump some kind of knot at the front of his head. As Dean parted the boy's hair to see what he felt, his heart dropped and felt sick as he gazed down at the black stitches that held his boyfriends head together. Confusion and anger filled Dean mind, confusion to what he was seeing and anger that Cas didn't tell him and anger toward what ever and who ever did this. That stuck in his head more than anything, who ever. Had someone hurt him? Dean was near tears as he heard his mum shout to her son to come and get his dinner. He manoeuvred himself from the bed making sure not to wake Cas and went downstairs.

"Did you and Cas sort your assignment out?" Mary asked as he joined her in the kitchen.

"Huh?" it then occurred to him that Cas must have given them an excuse to wait for him in his room so played along instantly. "Oh yeah, its sorted."

"Where is Castiel?"

"Sleeping." Dean told his mother before he could stop himself. His face instantly blushed as he swore at himself in his head, the games up he told himself, though Mary wasn't phased by this.

"Oh I not surprised, after the horrible night he must have had."

"What?"

"Spending it in hospital."

"Wait what?"

"Him and his brother, they were both kept in hospital last night, my friend Linda, told me this afternoon she's a nurse at the hospital, Cas went home this morning and that brother of his, he has a source flirting with every nurse, and doctor in sight. He's harmless though, cut up pretty bad though, they both were."

"How? When? What happened?"

"Don't know, here take this and share it with Cas, I would have thought he would have told you." Dean took the plate of pizza and went back to his room,

"Yeah me too." he mumbled to himself in response to his mother, he felt horrible he hated being in the dark what was going on?

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**Cas bottled it and couldnt tell Dean, knowing that it would change everything, and his relationship with Dean is the one part of his life he doesnt want to change, can Dean get the well guarded truth from cas, or will dishonestly and lies win?**


	16. Chapter 16

**sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes**

**- warning- dont expect happiness and fluff in this chapter- you will be very dispointed :(**

**enjoy :D**

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As Dean opened his bedroom door, he found that Cas was now awake and about to climb out his fricking window, the boy froze as Dean came in. He put the plate on the bed and caught sight of a note that was left on his pillow. He picked it up and read it aloud;

"Dean,  
sorry I had to shoot of but I got some news,  
I couldn't face saying goodbye so I climbed out the window,  
I will see you tomorrow,  
I love you.  
Cas."

Cas flushed pink and got down from the window and stood facing Dean the bed in between them. Cas tried to find the words to speak, he hated lying he did, but he couldn't simply tell Dean, not today not now and not like this, not when he could physically see the anger in his eyes.

"I have to go see Balthazar, he just got back from the," Cas trailed of, much to his surprise Dean finished his sentence.

"Hospital?"

"What?" Cas tried to sound innocent but he really sucked at lying especially whilst under pressure.

"Come on Cas, the truth. Please."

"I don't know what,"

"I saw the stitches! You and Balthazar were in hospital last night, that's why you couldn't come round, that's why you weren't in school. Now tell me why!"

"I can't." tears were forming in cas' eyes, for the life of him dean could shout at such a sight, so he walked on cas, took his hands kissed them and took him to the bed were they sat, with deans around around him as he spoke sofly;

"Yes you can."

"No I, I really can't. I don't want you to hate me Dean. I couldn't bare it if you hated me." tears fell as cas shook his head staring at the floor, dean whispered into cas ear,

"I could never do anything other than love you." he smiled and lent into him.

"I do want to tell you."

"Try." Cas nodded and proceed to tell his lover about what happens at the Novak house, about the alcohol, the fights, the abuse and the fear he feels every time he goes home. By the time Cas had finished he was in tears sobbing hysterical into Dean's shoulder as he slowly rocked him and soothed the boys tears as he fought off his own. How did he not notice? Dean felt like the worst friend, the worst boyfriend in the world.

"How many times has he hurt you?"

"I don't know, why do you think I come here so often?" Cas sobbed out from the crock of Dean's now wet neck that he moved his head as he held Dean tighter, not wanting or letting him go. Dean moved back slightly forcing Cas' red blotchy face to be revealed to him, his stomach turned violently, he kissed Cas gently on the forehead as he whispered.

"You're safe here." Dean and Cas rested their foreheads together as their eyes were closed and they touched each others face, stroking the others cheek with their thumbs, as Cas' sobs lessened and fell silent, the only noise in the room was the sound of Cas sniffing ever so often.

Then through the silence that fell in the room and dark and horrible thought started to plague Dean mind and he knew he had to ask if he didn't he wouldn't be able to get past it. Dean sat back and looked Cas in the eye, took a deep breath and continued.

"Cas, now don't hate me but I need to know. Has your dad ever, touched or made you touch, that blow job you gave me, how did you know how to do that? Has he ever," Dean couldn't finish his sentences he felt dirty just suggesting it. Cas closed his eyes and looked after him his lover attempting to hide the tears as he choked out his last tightly held secret.

"Sometimes, when dad's drunk and lonely he," Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing; tears instantly flooded his eyes and stream down his cheek. As he listened to Cas choking out through new tears his confession.

"Oh god Cas." Cas shot back around and tried to clam Dean down, Dean sound hurt and sad but there was no mistaking the angry the deadly anger in his voice.

"Not for a long time, not since I put a lock on my lock, I run and hide, he soon passes out and wakes up my dad again." It didn't work; in fact it angered Dean more that he has groomed Cas enough to even defend him about it. Dean got up, needing to move around, he needed to process.

"I'm going to kill him." Dean flatly and coldly told the boy.

"No." Cas blurted out sounding scarred and quickly got up to join Dean. They caught each others eye, Dean should have been shouting he desperately wanted to but he felt to drained by this new information, he could only whisper to Cas through tears as he placed his hand on his lovers face and pulled them closer together. both in floods as tears as they continued to weakly argue with each other.

"I can't just do nothing and then let you go back to that house Cas."

"You can and you will."

"I can't, I won't. Look at what he's done to you."

"I can handle it."

"No you can't, I can handle it for you, I could make it so he would never even look at you again."

"Dean I hate him I do, but he's still my father, it's not his fault, god will forgive him so who am I not to love him. I shall honour my father. 'For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him, Leviticus 20:9.'"

"He's done a real number on you hasn't he Cas."

"Please promise me, you won't do anything to him. It's not for much longer, then you can take me away from everything. Make it so I forget him."

"I don't know if I can make that promise." Dean wanted to scream and shout but he knew Cas had had enough of that, he wanted to abide his wishes even though Dean hate the idea, he knew how difficult I was for Cas to tell him. So Dean nodded but made Cas his own promise, "If I see one mark, one scratch. Believe when I say I will kill him, and it won't be fast, I will not apologise as I watch him die."

"Dean that's awful."

"I'm not sorry for wanted a maggot like that dead, your dad or not, you know what he does isn't forgivable, he's going to deepest depths of hell. The sooner the better."

"Please Dean promise, for me." Cas sounded pathetic and desperate as he shock Dean by the collar slightly, Cas seemed really scared not just for himself but what for Dean, what would happen to him if he went around there. Dean was shaking with anger but he loved Cas more then he hated his father, he loved Castiel more than anything. he sighed as he nodded. they stood holding each other for a while before Cas got the strength to speak.

"I need to go. Balthazar has just got back; I need to see if he's alright." Cas tried to leave, he couldn't see the arm that gripped his arm because there was to many tears in his eyes but he felt the tight grip and Dean stopped him from moving.

"Let me come."

"I don't know,"

"Do you really think I'm letting you go alone, if you wanna go back to that house I'm going too." Cas put his arms back around Dean pressing their chests and hearts together, so a split second they shared a heart beat and for a spilt second they were both peaceful and forgot everything as they hung onto each other.

"Then I'll stay, I'm not putting you through that Dean, my father he's, wary of new people, especially of boys his son's bring home."

"You sure?"

"I'll just phone Bolly." Dean placed a tender soft kiss on Cas' dry still quivering lips, then nodded as he moved to his bed trying to give his boyfriend some privacy as phoned his brother.

"Hey bolly...How you felling?...Good...Listen I won't be home tonight...It's okay, you'll be okay...use my room and lock the door...I'll be back tomorrow...Yes I promise...I love you too...Bye." Cas put the phone down and sat with Dean, Dean looked to him eyes red with a face to match. He hated what he was about to do, really hated it every inch of him was screaming at him to keep quiet.

"Go."

"What?"

"Bolly needs you more than I do, if you're here, then he's there, alone."

"Thank you."

"But I won't a phone call when you get home and before you go to sleep."

"I love you."

"I love you too. Come round tomorrow." Cas nodded and smiled weakly to him before leaving, Dean prayed Cas would be okay, that he would be safe.

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**please review :D xxx**


	17. Chapter 17

**Just a short chapter of what happens when cas leaves, to show that although Sam is a dick sometimes, he really can be an awesome brother :D**

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As soon as Dean was alone he collapsed back onto his bed, and cried his heart out. He could not believe what he was told; he never thought he could feel like this. Everything inside him was killing him at the thought of Cas going back to that house knowing what happens there. As Cas left the door was left unlocked and before long the sound of Dean's sobs attracted the attention of his parents, as they came in Dean looked at them and on top of everything he felt ashamed of his tears, everything together boiled up into angry.

"Get out!" he shouted again and again until they did, though really he wanted his parents to hold him tell him its going to be alright and the sun will shine before long, just like they did when he was younger and scared of thunder storms. But he knew he would end up blurting everything about him and Cas out and that's the last thing he needed right now and definitely the last thing Cas needed.

After a few more minutes Sam came in and although Dean told him too to get out, being the stubborn ass he was he refused and sat next to his weeping brother. Sam placed a hand on Dean's shoulder and before Sam new it Dean head was on his younger brothers lap and he hugged his legs crying his lung up. Sam sat and ran his hands through Dean hair soothing his brothers sobs, he didn't press for details to why he was crying, he knew that's not what Dean needed, he just needed someone to be there and Sam was.

"It's okay Dean, I'm here. Just cry it out." There was no mocking or teasing in Sam voice just love and concern and Dean did.

When Cas rang he impressively sounded almost normal, which made Sam's heart break slightly Dean seemed to good at that. Hours went by before Dean stopped crying for real, when he had, they both sat on Dean's bed and ate cold pizza, chips and popcorn and anything else they found in the cupboards, as they watched action films and drank beer they stole from the fridge and just hoped John wouldn't notice a six pack missing tomorrow.

They sat in silence for most of it; Dean was at that stage that if he spoke he would cry so filled himself up on junk instead. By three in the morning Sam had made Dean laugh for the first time that evening and they even started to talk, nothing about the reasons Dean was so distraught, mostly about Sam and his future what he wanted to do with his life, it was good for Dean to talk about Sam, though he couldn't forget Cas or what he now knows, he had something to at least distract himself for a while. It was also good for Sam to talk about it, his parents hadn't really, they thought he was too young to have a ten year plan, they were wrong.

Saturday came around very quickly, at least it seemed that way, the boys managed to watch all the die hard's and mission impossible's, by the time the credits began to roll and they looked outside the sun was well and truly up. Sam got up to have a shower when Dean turned to him,

"Wait Sam, don't you have some sort of soccer practise today?" Sam nodded, Dean's eyebrows hit the ceiling, "and you stayed up all night with me?"

"What was I supposed to do? you're my brother. Besides, free beer." Dean laughed slightly and nodded to his brother in thanks before Sam left leaving Dean once again alone, he didn't like it so went down stairs hoping his parents were up. Even if John had noticed the beers, he would take John's shouting over a silent room anytime.

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**Please review :P xxx**


	18. Chapter 18

**A short little chapter of cas going home and how Cas and Dean were the next day, after the news Cas told his boyfriend, it was attached to the next chapter- which will be up today, but i thought they were being cute and sweet and deserved their own little chapter ^_^ x**

**thank you for the reviews they made me smile lol :P x**

**sorry if there are any grammar or spelling errors :D x**

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Cas went home and spent the night in his room with Bolly talking about the old days, with the door firmly locked. They were safe together and even managed a laugh or two through the night, that was until about three o'clock in the morning when the youngest dosing brother was woken by the rattling of his door handle, all the boy could do was thank god he locked the door, Bolly was asleep and Cas had no intention of waking him, there was only one thing he never told his brother and this was it, late night bedroom visits, he was too ashamed and it was too humiliating to tell even Bolly. At half three when the handle became still again and the echo of loud grunt snores surrounded the room, he knew he was safe again but felt trapped, watched.

Cas got no more sleep that night.

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Cas came around as promised on Saturday and they spent the whole day lying on the bed in each others arms. Dean new Cas was fragile so soon after exposing himself fully, so he was strictly PG, he was tender and loving but nothing below the belt. The more he thought about what Cas told him, the more he felt like such a dick, no wonder Cas wanted to take things slow and he freaked so much when he tried anything, Dean vowed there would be no more of that. Cas had no control over anything in his life, he should at least be able to not feel like a victim or pushed or pressured in his own relationship, so from now on Dean would go as fast or as slow as Cas wanted as fast or slow as Cas needed. Right now Cas needed to be held, to be loved. Dean was more than willing to show him some TLC. Cas came around at ten and by seven they were still on each others arms, lacing their fingers together, and drawing patterns with their fingers on each others bodies, every bit of clothing stayed on. Cas smiled and laughed when he could but mostly he stayed quiet and listened to Dean's heart beat and breathing, which Dean didn't mind too much because it meant he could catch forty winks whilst holding the most important thing in the world to him close to his chest, close to his heart. It was the best sleep he has ever had, purely because Cas was there.

They both knew that they were never letting the other go, they both agreed that the physical stuff could wait, that they were still keeping them a secret and that they were still running away to Colorado, together. The night of graduation, the sooner the better. Dean was even more determined to get Cas away then ever before, get him away and make him happy truly happy, without fear or sadness, this he vowed to himself.

Gabriel promised to pick him up, take him home and stay the night, as Balthazar was going out with an old school friend and refused to go if Cas was alone. It was eight o'clock and Gabriel was waiting out side. It was awkward to say good bye, even though Dean knew Gabe was going to be there Dean hated the idea of letting Cas go.

"Please don't make this any harder than it already is." Cas begged and Dean nodded and instantly backed down and took Cas' hand and walked him to the door.

"I know what he's like with Sundays, but will I see you anyway?" Cas regrettably shook his head, Sunday was the one day he never risked leaving the house. Dean nodded and kissed Cas gently on the cheek.

"I'm not going to break Dean." Cas told him before crushing his lips onto Dean's, who's body was instantly overridden with pressure as it numbed all his senses. Cas pulled away and Dean kept kissing, Cas pushed him away slightly Dean went red and apologised, Cas smiled at how thoughtful Dean was being, he kissed dean gently on the side of his neck which made Dean laugh slightly.

"I love you." The two lovers embraced as Dean whispered back,

"I love you too, more than anything." Cas kissed his boyfriend on the cheek before leaving.

They were going to be okay, this they were sure.

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**hope you enjoyed it, i thought the two could do with some time together when their not shouting or crying :D**

**please review xxx**


	19. Chapter 19

**this chater reveals more of balthazar history in school, with his father and with mark x**

**Balthazars drink with Mark, turned into many beers and too many shots :P which led an unexpected and truamatic turn when mark gets the truth from balthazar, not only about his father but why he left all those years ago. **

**sorry for any mistakes in grammar or spelling x**

**in this chapter both characters get very drunk and if i wrote their lines how they would say them you wouldn't be able to read it lol so please imagine they are majorly slurring their words ;D**

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Balthazar was waiting at the door for his brothers return and hugged Cas as he saw him, bolly was still worried.

"Are you sure you don't need me here."

"Go, catch up and have a good time, just remember to come home."

"I promise baby brother." Balthazar hugged Cas and Gabriel and kissed their foreheads as he bided them goodbye before whispering something to Gabriel and winking to Cas. He jogged to the road, climbed into a, silver 1999 Ford Mustang. He greeted Mark with a smile and they drive off.

"So where are we going?" Mark asked, like he needed to.

"The roadhouse, where else?" Balthazar smiled as he thought of all the drunken nights he spent with mark there. Mark agreed and stepped on the gas. Within ten minutes they were at the pub and had gotten the drinks in.

"Didn't think I could drink after the medication."

"You can't but I'm not your doctor anymore and I demand we get pissed." Balthazar shrugged and they both downed three shots of vodka and started drinking their beers, After a few minutes Balthazar ordered more shots and they were well and truly off, after their sixth Mark seemed to have finally got enough courage from the Dutch and decided to push his old friend on a very touchy subject.

"You know the number of bar fights we used to get into, mainly in this room. You're too quick to get an injury like that."

"I got slow with age." Balthazar joked as he sipped more beer.

"And Cas? you forget I knew him, that kid wouldn't get into a bar, even with a fake id he'd be so nervous he was lying he'd fidget like a cat on a hot tin roof, and even if you two pulled that of, there is no way you'd let Cas get hurt like that," Balthazar's smile faded as he kept eye contact, "You'd die first." Mark went on and Balthazar put his beer down.

"You do you want me to say?"

"The truth." Mark persisted and Balthazar got up to get more shots he came back with twelve.

"Bar fight," he down a shot "that is the truth." and another.

"I don't believe you." Mark told him as he joined Balthazar for another shot.

"Well that's your problem." Balthazar had another shot mark joined him but stopped as the glass got to his lips, as the rather tipsy off the clock doctor processed what his friend said, Mark got a little mad and slammed the glass back onto the table spilling all of it either over the table or over his hand.

"God Balthazar you are a stubborn bastard you do that!" he shouted and after downed another shot keeping his gaze locked with Balthazar's, who seemed to be amused by his temper and smirks slightly.

"I am aware." Balthazar answered as he took another shot.

"All the time we were at school, you were secretive and close off; you went within yourself and refused to talk. Me and the gang over looked the fact you'd come in with a bruise or a limp because we knew what you were like, and you flipped at the teachers when they called you on it."

"Is there a point to any of this?" Balthazar asked starting to slur is words as he shoved another shot in marks face, who took it and set in down.

"Yes! You leave, fuck off for all this time; you come back and low and behold, you end in hospital again. Have you forgotten the number of times me and Luke drove you to the hospital. Don't you remember the drunken nights you'd cry into my arms too scared to tell me why."

"So I was an emotional drunk, who isn't once in a while." Balthazar chuckled slightly and finished of the shots and mark did the one still in his hand. "More shots." Balthazar slurred and hit the table.

"No, you need a break, finish your beer first."

"I'll finish, you first." He remarked as he drank his beer with a smirk, he caught Mark's amused and slightly confused face as there eyes met they started to laugh.

"That doesn't even mark sense."

"You're drunk."

"You are more my friend."

"Am not. Really?"

"Afraid so."

"Oh darn and here's me thinking I would beat you this time sweetie." They started laughing again there was nothing funny but they had to laugh and couldn't seem to stop. When they were on their come down Mark watched how his friend's eyes seemed to sparkle in the ill light room, he missed those eyes.

"Please tell me Balthazar." Balthazar sighed and finished his beer got up and got two more beers and four more shots and sat back down.

"Fine." Balthazar picked up and shot and after giving one to mark they clanked their glasses and did another shot. "What do you want to know?"

"How did you and Castiel end up in hospital?"

"Which time?"

"This time." They locked eyes for a moment before they drank more beer and Balthazar rolled his eyes.

"My father saw fit to smash his glass over head, before pushing Cassie into the corner of the table, okay, you Happy?" Balthazar was in tears, he couldn't believe he just told him, he's never told anyone before.

"Of course I'm not happy." Mark placed a hand over his friends, who pulled it away and angrily wiped the tears from his face. "How often does this happen?"

"It doesn't." Balthazar lied and smiled so easily it hurt Mark to see him curl back into himself.

"How often does it happen?" Mark asked again as he pushed a shot to Balthazar's eye line, who smiled and took it before drinking he told mark.

"First time in five years."

"Balthazar…" Mark sounded more sympathetic then anything and Balthazar got angry, he didn't want sympathy he certainly didn't want anyone feeling sorry for him.

"What do you want to hear Mark? That since I was nine I've received cuts, bruises, burns, black eyes and fat lips. He's given me torn ligaments, broken bones, sprained wrists and ankles. That I've been partially deafened and scared all thanks to my good for nothing, dead beat, alcoholic father!" Balthazar shouted in hushed tones, Balthazar was in as much shock as mark, he couldn't believe he had just said that, he really must be drunk. He took the last shot when he'd finished, he looked to Mark a silent tear fell down the man's cheek and Balthazar could not hold his heartbreaking gaze.

"I'm sorry." Was all that escaped Mark's lips.

"Don't be, nothing you could have done you were just a kid."

"So were you."

"It was me or the others, I could take it Gabriel was one, you think I should have let him get hurt?"

"You could have called the police."

"Oh yes the fuzz, I did once, when he told me to make me choice which sibling I was going to watch him hit. So I hit him, for the first time I hit back, the anger in his eyes, it was like fire and it chilled me to the bone, so I ran and called the cops. The police didn't take it seriously; dad passed it of as some kind of joke. That's when I can into school with three broken ribs, an enflamed liver and a broken nose. Good times." Mark closed his eyes he couldn't bare what he was hearing, Mark remembers that day at school, Balthazar was 14 bragging he ran into a tree, and like an idiots they all believed him, including him.

Balthazar started laughing "The coward punched me knocking me out, and breaking my nose, when I woke up I was tied to a chair." Balthazar laughed some more and took a sip from his beer, "He's always been interested in hockey." After some more laughing and beer he continued "You got to hand it to the man, at least he stopped when I started coughing blood, save me for later." Balthazar shook his head and laughed more, Mark sat in silence, he regretted ever pushing the poor guy, as to why he was laughing Mark had no idea it was like he was reminiscing he best childhood memories. Balthazar looked at him and his heart went out to the guy, he looked so lost as to how to deal, Balthazar's tactic was denial then when that fails, laugh or cry works pretty well. "You gonna get us more alcohol?" Mark nodded and soon came back with beer and some shots of varies flavours, he was getting bored of vodka. Mark's distraught expression didn't change or falter when they shotted whiskey. "What were you expecting mark? Rainbows and butterflies? You wanted the truth, you're getting it."

"That time when we went swimming you had cuts down your chest, you said it was a dog, was it?"

"Kitchen knife, sorry."

"The mugging in tenth grade, was that,"

"Good old daddy."

"The broken leg from falling from a tree?"

"Pushed down the stairs"

"And the,"

"Mark you can pretty much just pin every injury you have ever saw on me on him, so change the subject or we'll be here all night."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I was scarred, it started when I was nine and just got worse. What was I supposed to say?" Mark was staring at the table for a few minutes as silence fell and Balthazar swerved his way to the loo and back.

After finishing the rest of the shots in silence, Ellen-the owner and family friend of Castiel's told them to go home, before she has to kick them out. Ellen was lovely, pissed of Ellen because your drunk ass broke a stool of table was not so, having gone down that road way too many times, the boys nodded and slowly made there way to the door arms around each other, holding the other under up.

It was a case of the plastered caring for the trashed.

They started walking, not even trying to fool themselves either of them was in a position to drive. They were stupidly drunk, not suicidal. Balthazar's head only managed to reach Mark's shoulders and he tucking in nicely under his friends arm as he wrapped in arm around Mark's waist. Balthazar looked up to his friend and he carefully watched his expression and his heart sank, he seemed to be able to read Mark's mind he unfortunately knew what he was thinking.

"Go on, ask it."

"Ask what?" Mark spoke too quickly for it to be real surprised he knew Balthazar knew the question that was thick in the air.

"You want to know if I left because of you." They stopped and stared at each other for a moment, "Yes, I did." Balthazar calmly slurred, anger quickly over flowed in his intoxicated state and before he knew what was happening Balthazar was on the floor and Mark right fist was burning and was covered in blood.

"Oh god." The red mist lifted and guilt set in, he held his friend up who stood more unsteady then ever. "I've punched out some stitches."

"No biggy." Balthazar answered as he took a slowly swig at mark, but just ended up toperling into his arms, there faces were inches apart.

"Come on, I'm taking you home." Mark told him who smiled as they started walking again.

"Easy DR. I'm not that type pf girl."

"Number one; yes you are and two, I'm guessing coming home drunk is a big no, no in your dad's books."

"If he drinks he does it to be close to god, if I drink it's because I am evil and trying to communicate to the devil using the sin of drink as a way of, of," Balthazar darted behind a tree and puked his guts up, after ten minutes they were walking again.

"I'm not letting you go home to that, not like this, you're coming home with me."

"Why?"

"I just told you."

"No I mean why do you care?"

"That's a bit of a stupid question isn't it?"

"Not really."

"I care, because I care about you B."

"You called me B." Balthazar slurred through a smile as he starred up at his friend, Mark blushed slightly that was even noticeable in the moonlight.

"You caught that huh."

"I didn't mean it, when I said I left because of you."

"I know." Mark told him as they turned to walk up his path to his two bedroom house.

"No I mean I meant it, but I didn't want it to come out so bad, you see one thing led to another and dad got involved which led to something far worse, and then I had to go. Get out as fast as I can." As Mark turned the key, they both fell into the hall way as the front door swung open under the weight of the two drunkards that were leaning on it for support. They both crawled their way to the stairs they sat side by side, front door simply left open.

"And never look back?" Mark continued Balthazar's sentence.

"Oh I looked back." He told mark as he reached into his pocket pulled out his wallet at took an old photo from the note section and showed Mark. A tear simultaneously fell down Mark's cheek as he saw what was on it. Him and Balthazar in school uniform, under a tree on a sunny day, Balthazar was sat in between Mark's legs back pressed to his chest and they were both smiling. Nothing was said and Balthazar started to feel stupid for even keeping the damn thing. Let alone showing it to him. "I know, I'm a sentimental twat." He tried to take it back but Mark snatched it away catching his attention.

"I can't believe you kept it."

"Forget about it." Mark shook his head, and lifted his left hand and caressed Balthazar's uninjured cheek.

"Never." He whispered. Balthazar looked to Mark and saw the familiar intensity in his eyes, before coughed and looked away took the photo and put it away and placed his wallet back in his pocket. After getting up and nearly falling straight back down again, Balthazar walked down the hallway and found the living room where he collapsed onto the sofa.

Mark made a trip to the toilet before joining him in the living room and sat on the floor near Balthazar's head "I'm sorry."

"'s alright, I deserved it."

"No you didn't, you don't deserve any of it." Mark firmly told him as he gently wiped up the blood from his cheek.

"Thanks darling that's sweet of you." they stayed in silence for a while, Mark slowly cleaning his friend up and examining his stitches, it wasn't as bad as the blood made it look.

"Earlier when you said it was my fault you left, were you referring to that night?" Balthazar sighed.

"Yeah. I went home, and I told my dad, for the life of me I couldn't tell you why. I should have kept my mouth shut but, mark I still loved him, I still do despite my better judgment. I just wanted my dad to understand. I guess I wanted some fatherly advice."

"What happened?"

"I didn't get what I was looking for."

"What did you get?"

"Bad memories, a worse reflection and a motive enough to leave my little brothers alone and defenceless against a pervert."

"Balthazar…"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Did he?" Balthazar's body started trembling as he turned away and sobbed into a cushion; begging mark to drop it.

"Please don't Mark, you've pushed me enough tonight, please just let me keep this one in. I don't think I can, I just can't."

"You need to tell someone, it's been five years." Balthazar sat up and threw the cushion at mark, with as much force as he could muster which being as drunk and hysterical as he was. It wasn't that hard. Balthazar shouted at his friend that was knocked to his back.

"And you think that makes it any easier? I still have nightmares; I can still feel him on me! I feel dirty all the time! And I still can't wash the stench of him of me!" Mark quickly got up, sat next to Balthazar and held him close as he rocked him in time to their breathing.

"Hey, hey. Come here it's alright."

"It's not! It will never be alright, never!" Balthazar slurred, mark held him tighter and spoke firm, like he knew something Balthazar didn't.

"Yes it will, I'll make it better." this relaxed him more than it should have, it was then did he realise he trusted Mark more then there was reason to, he trusted him the same as he always did as if they were never apart. "You don't have to tell me its okay. I wont love you any less."

Balthazar sat up and looked into mark's eyes, he was looking for anything other than what he found, he found honesty and sincerity Balthazar didn't know what to do, his eyes were red, his nose and cheeks was wet, lips were trembling and his mind refused to let him focus, and the room insisted on spinning. Mark moved forward slightly and Balthazar watched his lips come closer, as the gap between them halved words came out of Balthazar's mouth that he never expected would ever.

"If you want to know, I'll tell you." Mark nodded as he moved in a little more making a breath hitch in Balthazar's throat. "You won't like it and you probably won't want to look at me, just giving you fair warning." Mark inched a little closer the skin of their lips almost touching as they tasted each others breath. Mark ran is forefinger softly down Balthazar's dry lips, who sighed slightly at the contact, Balthazar couldn't handle it any more, he couldn't deny it any more, passion boiled over as he grasped Mark's cheeks and pulled him harshly, closing the gap and they shared a long overdue kiss, it was passionately firm, yet desperately tender. Their kissed was over all too quickly as they sat face to face, both panting, Mark's hands were on Balthazar's waist and Balthazar's hands were gently placed on Mark's chest, feeling it rise and fall as he heart beat firm and pounding. "Okay" Balthazar whispered as he nodded slightly, their eyes were staring at the others lips. "okay." He repeated and turned around and lent against Mark's chest, much like in the photo in Balthazar's wallet, as Balthazar began Mark kissed him on the forehead as he listened to Balthazar's story, his most guarded secret, and reason for leaving.

"Like I said. I went home and told him, he flipped, in all my years feeling his wrath I never saw him so angry. He grabbed the bible of the shelve and smacked me around the face with it. Before I knew what was happening his had his hockey stick, I can still hear the sound of his grunting as he chased me into the basement. I was terrified and the tears in my eyes blurred my vision, and I fell down the steps. I thought he was going to kill me, instead he left and locked me in. I didn't know then but he was hiding my motor bike in the garage, no one but him is allowed in there. He told my brothers I was staying at a friend's. I was left in the pitch black until the next day. I remember hearing his foot steps as he slowly came down the stairs. He ordered me to stand, when I didn't he did his." Balthazar lifted his shirt and revealed a faded but very present patch of discoloured skin that covered his stomach and part of his left side, "Water fresh from the kettle." Mark pulled his shirt back down, he couldn't look at it and Balthazar shouldn't have to, Mark kissed the shaking man on the head again, and stroked his hair as he continued. "he dragged me to my feet, his eyes were full of hatred and angry, like I was something worse than evil that had escaped from hell. But what haunts me more, is that I swear there was a glint of pleasure in his eyes, he liked to hurt me. Being the idiot I am I kept his gaze, he didn't like that. After beating me to the ground and kicking the fuck out of me he left again. For the next two days, he'd come back in not either food or water but with a smirk plastered over his face. He would beat me and" Balthazar took a breath, eyes swelled and shut tight as he spoke of his trauma for the first in five years, "I can't Mark, please don't make me." Mark's hold tightened as he whispered reassuringly.

"shhh, its okay I'm here. He can't hurt you here. Come on B, say it. You have to say it."

"Rape me." Balthazar breathed out, he started hysterically hailing, he prayed to god to reserve time to stop him saying, as he spoke the words out loud for the first time and it all became real, too real. Everything came rushing back, he could smell the vomit from the basement, hear his fathers laugh feel his greasy hands over him, Balthazar lent over and was sick as he violently sobbed his drunken heart out.

Mark joined his friend crying as he rubbed his back not caring Balthazar was throwing up on his new rug. Mark made sure he cried silently he didn't want the sympathy that Balthazar would no doubt shower over him to distract him self from his own pain. After a few minutes Mark look down to his old friend who had gone quiet, only to find that he had passed out. Mark got himself up and put him in the recovery position and made him comfy before going upstairs and grabbing two blankets, one he draped over Balthazar and the other was for mark, before who curled up on the arm chair he pressed his lips gently against Balthazar forehead and whispered to him,

"I'll look after you B."

Mark then moved to the armchair were watch Balthazar sleep, not in the least bit tired. Mark swore he only closed his eyes for a second but when he opened them, it was late morning and Balthazar was gone. Mark's heart sank and tears swelled to see an empty sofa. Mark looked around the room, the sick had been cleaned up and the blanket Balthazar used was folded on the coffee table with a piece of paper on top of it and letter left for him. The page was fold over and on the side Mark could see said;

'Mark, I promised you the truth. I said all I could so I wrote the rest down its not rainbows and butterflies i'm affraid. I don't expect you to call after you have read it. My love, B.'

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**I hate my self for making balthazar suffer so much :'( so sorry xx**

**the next chapter will reveal balthazar's life away from everything. it is writted so it will be up tonight (fingers crossed) xx**

**please review xxxx**


	20. Chapter 20

**What Balthazar couldnt say about his life but wanted mark to know so he wrote down. **

**sorry for any mistakes in grammar or spelling xxx**

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Mark sat on the sofa and with shaky hands and a racing heart he opened the letter and read Balthazar confession;

'To continue from last night, my dad said, that if I wanted to be gay, what he did to me was the least I deserved. That I was being punished. I thought I was going to die. I wanted to die. On the third day he opened the door and let me out. I didn't leave at first thinking he wanted an excuse to hurt me again. It wasn't and he kicked me until I got out the basement. I ran to my room as fast as my body would let me, I packed and was out of there.

I thought if I left my dad would calm down, that he wouldn't have me to hate any more so would change. I know it doesn't make sense I just had to give myself a reason to leave, I couldn't stay. As I got on my bike my brothers came up the drive way, my helmet was already on so they couldn't see most my battered face only the black eyes, I couldn't say anything, I tried I physically couldn't, I was starving and hadn't drank in three days. My stared at Cas for a moment before I drove of, the worst thing, worse than anything my father ever did to me was having to hear my little brothers call after me, I heard all of them shout begging me to come back, when I heard Cassie scream, I wanted to turn around right there and then.

I felt exhausted I hadn't slept in three days and could barely drive my bike with out swerving, I drove until I found a hospital where they didn't know me, I buried my id, I didn't want them knowing how I was more my other injuries but mostly I didn't want them to alert my brother, I took my helmet off needing air, but it just made me be sick after I stumbled to the entrance, as soon as I got into the doors, I felt every one staring, I must have looked as bad as I felt, I must have collapsed because the next thing I know, I woke up in bed with tubes coming out of me. The doctors and the police tried to talk to me but I still couldn't speak I didn't even respond to them I couldn't look at them, I just laid there staring ahead of me reliving what happened. They knew I physically could speak as I was told I screamed in my sleep.

They wanted a name for me, I had no ID and couldn't speak, my right hand was broken so I couldn't write either, but I managed to write one word with my left hand 'mark' and that's what they called me, I loved hearing your name being spoken out loud. I was in the hospital for six months, most of that time I spent in the psychiatric ward, they taught me to focus and I even started looking people in the eye again, after three months of therapy I started to answer questions with a nod and a shake of the head, by the time I left I could speak, though I didn't like too I could if the doctors asked me to, but I preferred to stay quiet, I didn't want what happened to me escaping my lips. I was also on anti-depressants, pills to calm my nerves and pills to make me sleep.

I wrote to you every day when my hand was better, though I tore them up when I had finished so the nurses could read them. That picture I showed you was the only thing I didn't bury and it was on my beside the whole time;

I woke up to your smile.

A year after the incident I just wanted my life back, no I wanted a better life away far away from him, so I went to England. Got a job fixing cars and tending a bar, I worked my way through an open university.

Two years after the incident I started having sex, with any women that would have me, I know I know about the gay thing, I just needed to feel something again, I just couldn't go near men like that not after dad.

Three years after the incident I finished my course and I am sorry to say got caught up in some dodgy dealings and after a few months I saved enough money to come back to America and start a life so I did.

Three and a half years after the incident I brought a house in Colorado and set up home, I brought some shares to get a bit of money in.

Four years after the incident somehow I became a silent partner in the company, I think I brought too may shares. I drove past your old house and mine at least once a month I wished I could go in, but I couldn't it got harder to see your house but easier to see mine.

I spent five years trying to forget what happened, then I got a message from Cassie telling me he liked a guy and kissed him, I came straight over without even thinking, I realised that it wasn't about me, it was about my family, those I had left behind, there was no getting away from what happened to me, but I could help those that at least stood a chance, my brothers. I couldn't bare it if history repeated it self and Cas was doomed to the same fate as me.

Now five years after the incident I'm back in that house. I will never forget the shock on my fathers face when I turned up at his front door, and the anger he showed when I smiled and told him I was home, as casual as if I just went to the shops and he hadn't laid a finger on me, though I must admit it was the most scary thing I have ever down I high fived my self when I managed it. When I faced him I knew I wasn't the same boy I was, I was stronger and I could deal with him.

It broke my heart when I learnt the abuse shifted from me to my brothers, I should have stayed I just couldn't force myself too. So that's how I ended up in hospital, I took the abuse and tried to save my brothers from it, though it didn't really work.

So that's it everything, the truth you wanted, I'm sorry its not a happier truth,

but since I found that I was still in love with you, for the first time I wanted someone to know, I wanted to be honest. Like I said I am not expecting you to call so don't worry about it. I'm sorry if I've put a dampener on your day sweetie.

All my love, Balthazar."

* * *

When Mark had finished reading his tears were in full flow, he felt everything and nothing at the same time, all he wanted to do was kill his dad and steal Balthazar away, though he knew it wasn't that simple, Balthazar would not leave that house so long as Cas was there and Cas was too loyal to his father to leave. There was a knock on the door and Mark had suddenly remembered he was expecting company, he quickly sprayed the room that smelt a little of sick spray himself that smelt of booze and flattened his hair before opening the door, with the biggest smile he could force.

"Belle," Mark greeted the most beautiful blonde he has ever seen and doubts to see anything that would challenge her beauty or sprit. "How's my beautiful princess today."

"Daddy, daddy, daddy!" an excited three year old shouted as she wriggled on her mothers arms and near enough leapt to Mark, he gave his daughter a massive hug and she clung to his neck. "Love you." She told him as she hugged him back.

"I love you too sweetie."

Mark look to the blonde women standing in his door way, she smiled briefly and gave Mark a kiss on the cheek. He was very grateful that they had remained friends after belle was born, only today neither felt in the chatty mood.

"Well, someone smell like a brewery."

"Lay of Liz." He snapped, Liz rolled her eyes and kissed her daughter before turning to leave. "Liz." He called after her who turned. "It's good to see you."

"You too, look after her; I'll pick her up tomorrow evening." Mark nodded back and Mark and Belle waved the women off before he put her down and look her little pink suit case inside as Belle started to dart in and out of every room in the house as she calloped on a pretend pony, Mark smiled to himself his baby could always put a smile on his face, but unfortunately he couldn't stop thinking about his beloved and the news he had learnt, everything all the bad stuff but something above all of that, he confession that he still loved him.

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**So thats Bolly's past, what happened after he left and why he left, I wish it were happier, as I was writting I was getting so angry at the bastard of a dad, i had to urge to write him being attacked by wolves and maybe getting his dick bitten of or something lol **

**anyway please review. xxx**


	21. Chapter 21

**YAY! I have 100 reviews first time i've had triple digits :D thank you to everyone that has reviewed it does mean a lot.**

**usual warning for spelling and grammar, i promise that after this chapter and the next (maybe the next depending how I write it lol) it will get happier :P**

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Balthazar didn't say anything as he came in at eight that morning, he looked exhausted and run down, he collapsed onto the sofa and fell asleep. Memories haunted his dreams. Before long the key in the door woke him up like a shot, he sat up and watched as his family file into the living room, all dressed in there smarted shirts and cleanest slacks, they joined him on the sofa and greeted him like a brother, their dad came in and greeted him as an enemy. He threw Balthazar a look that could kill and knowing him probably has, he huffed as he went to the kitchen to open another bottle of scotch.

Cas and Gabe sat either side of him and Michael in the arm chair they talked for a few minutes before hearing their fathers pre drunken rabbles and thought it best to turn on the TV, they fell silent as a film came on. After a few moments Balthazar's mind was still working over time, replaying the memories he had hidden for so long, and he couldn't stop him self from leaving the room and walking down the hallway, he stopped at the door.

When he opened the basement door and the smell instantly hit him, he felt like fainting as he staring into the dark room that stole his innocence.

Suddenly he felt someone behind him and heard breathing, cold dead breath hit his neck, Balthazar couldn't breathe he really thought he was about to pass out. Mr Novak stood behind Balthazar for a few moments, after seeing his son was unable to move, he smiled as he put and arm to the wall and lent into Balthazar peripheral vision. Balthazar made note to stare right ahead and not to cry, not in front of him.

The man stood there for a moments just staring at him. His evil eyes, that were a horrible mud brown, dark and uncaring his eyes matched his soul. They burnt into the side of his sons head, despite his best efforts a loan tear fell down his uninjured cheek this made his father chuckle his evil disturbing laugh. He lifted his hand to the nape of his eldest sons neck and squeezed it hard he knew he was in complete control, he liked that.

He opened his mouth to speak words that only the devil would understand, only the devil could excuse the profanities and vulgar thoughts that were about to spill from his mouth, as that evil glint in his eye shined. Gabriel wondered through and was shocked at the sight before him.

"Dad?" he asked but it was more of a way of alerting his father of his presence and to make him stop what the was doing, their father's hand fell heavy by his side as he looked to Gabriel, who physically repelled slightly when he caught sight of the evil that lay in his eyes, it scared the boy. Mr Novak rolled his eyes,

"When are you going back to fucking college boy?"

"I only go back for exams, then, the summer begins." Mr Novak huffed as he stepped back and turned he spoke over his shoulder as he reached the kitchen.

"I hope you're not expecting to fucking come back here over summer."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Gabriel mumbled to himself before walking over to Balthazar who was still frozen where he stood, eyes wet and puffy slightly. All Balthazar could do was thank god his dad did get to speak his mind, because he knew he wouldn't have been about to take it, that he couldn't have handle it, that he really would have broken down. Gabriel looked to his brother and touched his arm, the contact pulled Balthazar back to reality and he looked to his younger brother and smiled slightly as another tear fell, before looking back to the basement. Gabriel reached out and shut the door; Bolly closed his eyes as he did his heart nearly stopped dead as he heard the click and the lock turn.

"Come on." He whispered to Balthazar as he led the way back to the living room, as they got to the door, Balthazar's phone started to ring he gestured to Gabe he would be in, in a minute and he was left alone.

When Bolly looked down and saw who it was his heart leapt so high he felt the beat in his tongue. He answered the phone and was hardly able to breathe as he raised his shaky hand to his ringing ear.

"Mark, hey didn't expect your call."

"_I know."_

"I'm, glad you did."

"_I know." _

"Sorry I left this morning I just couldn't, you know, it's hard to,"

"_Say good bye?"_

"Yeah, especially to you."

"_Is what you put in this letter 100% true?" _Mark hated that he had to ask this but he had to be sure, Balthazar got so angry at the question he was shaking, the first person he tells the person that he's closest to doesn't believe his heart dropped slightly, as he angrily told his friend down the phone.

"No, lied I spent the last five years on the moon eating cheese with the clangers, of course it's fucking true."

"_So you love me?" _Mark asked quickly, now Balthazar understood the question, he had almost forgot he put that in, silence fell._ "B?" _Balthazar turned to face the wall and admitted his feeling out loud for the first time.

"Yes okay, that's true too." The hour long second of silence filled Bolly's heart with dread until he heard what he never thought he would again.

"_I love you too." _Both men were giddily smiling down the phone and laughed a little with relief.

"So what now love?"

"_Well you have one of two options, either you pack your bag leave, that house and come over to stay with me right now, or I come over and drag you." _Bolly smiled he loved the idea but he new it was a fool that dreamt of better when there was no way of escaping, not this time, not yet.

"I would love too, but I can't."

"_B you have to get away, I am not letting you stay in that house."_

"What about Cassie? I can't, I won't leave him alone."

"_Bring him too. I have a spare room, and if he's running away after graduation it's not_ _like he'll be here long anyway." _

"Exactly it's not for much longer." Bolly's rational mind interjected, he knew how Cas would feel. But really his heart leapt he couldn't believe what he was hearing Mark wanted both him and Cassie with him, Mark wanted to save both of them

"_B, one day in that house is too long. Please."_

"I can't."

"_Please." _Mark sounds so desperate and god damn adorable Bolly sighed he knew he was defeated.

"I'll speak to Cassie, I'll phone you tonight." It wasn't a yes but it was the next best thing.

"_I love you."_

"You too, bye." As Bolly put the phone down he smiled to himself, for the first time in a long time he felt all bubbly inside, did he feel happy?

"Talk to me about what?" Bolly jumped and nearly dropped his phone as he heard Cassie's deep voice intrude in the silence, he was so shocked he didn't have time to feel hurt by the eves dropping.

"Oh god Cassie don't do that, you have me a heart attack man."

"Bolly what's going on? Who was that on the phone? Are you leaving again?" Cas was obviously confused and he didn't like what he heard and Bolly hated what he saw, Cas started to shake and tears started to form,

"Come here." he pulled his little brother pulled him and enveloped him in his arms. "Cassie listen to me, what ever happens I am not leaving you okay. I will look after you."

"Then who was that on the phone?"

"That was my friend Mark. He wants; he wants us to live with him."

"What? why?" Cas looked up to his brother and stepped back slightly as he listened to what Bolly had to say.

"I kind of told him about dad. Now he doesn't want us here."

"You told someone?" he wasn't sure he had heard this right, Bolly doesn't tell people, Bolly doesn't invite people in.

"Yeah."

"He must be pretty special."

"Smart too, I think he has a point."

"We can't just leave Michael and Gabe. And what about dad, we can't just leave him on his own."

"Cas dads a big boy, he can take care of himself. Plus Michael's only here for family dinner he had his own place and Gabriel's only here for a bit when he's not at his mums or college. It's only us that are here all the time, come on Cassie. Haven't you had enough of him?"

"He's our dad; he doesn't mean it when he looses it." Balthazar hate the Cas defended his dads action, but he also didn't know how far his actions have gone.

"Cassie you have no idea what he's capable of." He told his brother very seriously.

"neither do you." Cas told Bolly, he Bolly got hurt, a lot. But Cas got damaged on a whole other level. His brother had no idea how that can hurt more that a well aimed hit with the car. As Balthazar heard his little brother say this, his mouth fell open and his heart shattered, he recognised that knowing tone in his voice, that same fear and anger with a back drop of shame in his eyes, it was in Bolly's for years after what happened, no it couldn't, his father wouldn't have. Not to Castiel. Not to him.

"Castiel…" his voice was shaky, but Castiel's was firm as he continued.

"I'm his son, Bolly. I'm not leaving him he needs our help and our love. He's sick."

"Yes, but he's not ill Cas he sick the head, he's twisted, he's drunk and down right evil."

"I know." Cas sounded like he was close to tears, by god he knew the evil that lurked inside that man. "But that's when he needs us the most. I will leave but not before its time, not before I have to. I do hate him Bolly, but I still love him."

Before Bolly could respond to his brother there was a loud smash in the kitchen which silenced the two brothers in the hallway, as well as the two in the living room that were engrossed in the film on the TV they had just begun to argue about it when the smashed echoed through the room. The noise was soon followed by an angry slurred shout of a man that was too drunk for mid day and who's anger that went beyond all reason.

"Balthazar! Get your ass in here and clean up your mess!" with a nod to Cas and a deep breath in Bolly made his way to the kitchen. Hardly anytime had past before, the sound of the young man hitting the floor travelled throughout the house, and the sound of Mr Novak's boots in Bolly's ribs rang in everyone's ears as he sobbed silently from the pain. the brothers knew there was nothignt hey could do that wouldnt make it worse.

the injured young man stayed curled up in a ball until his father had passed out on the table; it took him a while to stand due to the shooting pain coursing through his body. He reached the stairs and saw Cas peering from the living room door way.

"Yeah, he's just sick." Balthazar told his little brother as he wiped blood from his mouth, he desperately needed to talk to Cas about what was said earlier but he was in too much pain and needed to rest, he would have put money on the notion that at least two ribs were now fractured. And by now Cas was back in the living room. Balthazar sighed "It's not his fault." Bolly quoted his baby brother, as he gingerly made his way up the stairs hold his side trying to stop the pain.

Cas sat on the sofa, he was angry at his dad for making it so hard to love him, angry at Bolly's defiance and mostly about how he knew his brother was right, they did have to get away. Cas was scared that Bolly wouldn't last much longer, he had already lost weight in the short time he was there and that bright cocky smile he wore at the beginning of his visit had near enough vanished and was replaced with that old, forced, painful grin he used before he left. Cas was scared Bolly was fading back into that terrified battered mess he was when he left, whic hwas alonst as terrifying as the propect of him leaving, Cas couldn't see Bolly like that, again but he couldn't surive if he had to see him leave, again.

"Castiel." Michael spoke softly as he saw his brother's worried and sad expression.

"What Happened?" Gabe asked now worried too, as he moved closer and put his arm around his little brother that looked close to tears. Michael moved from his chair to his knees in front of Cas.

"Are you alright?" What was the point in lying Cas thought it wasn't obvious he wasn't, so he shook his head as two tears fell Michael wiped them away. "Tell us everything."

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**ooooh so the secret of the extent of the abuse is becoming unravaled between the brothers :O lol**

**when i wrote that "he felt like fainting as he staring into the dark room that stole his innocence." i would like to state that, yes bolly was a virgin when this happened to him, he was struggling with his sexuality all through his teens and found something speacial in mark, when they both admitted there feelings and shared one beautiful kisse together. Bolly went home and told his dad- you know the rest. i thought i would tell you as i dont know if i can put that into a chapter but i thought you should now. thats why i think bolly and mark are so sweet and i aw when i write there scenes becasue there still in love :D when they have only had one kissed before not seeing each other for so long awww lol. any way enough of my rambles :P**

**please review xxx**


	22. Chapter 22

**in this capter we find out that michael isnt has strong as he wants us to believe, we find out his story and just how sick mr novak is, anyway hearing michael distressing story sparks something inside of bolly. no more.**

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Balthazar made his way to his old room, that was quickly made into his fathers study within a week of him leaving, like his dad ever studied but it was a perfect way to highlight that he didn't have a home here anymore, with was highlighted by his fathers instance that he sleep on the sofa, Balthazar was a guest in his own home, old home, house this wasn't his home.

Bolly sat on the smart looking office chair that looked basically brand new, impressive considering it was brought five years previous his wondered if his father has even used once. The chair was quite comfy and desk the right height to rest his feet. Balthazar shut his eyes and tried to concentrate on anything but the pain, he was failing the pain was immense, not just the physical pain but his soul was being tormented by memories and mind plagued by what his brother said, those three words filled with so much pain and fear; 'neither do you.'

The thoughts scattering his mind were stopped by his feet were harshly pushed to the floor which pulled his side and pain screamed over his ribs. His eyes shot open to find Michael towering over him, from just having a heart ot heart with cas and his fears for Bolly leaving Michael came to confront his brother.

"Michael?"

"Why couldn't you have stayed gone?"

"Excuse me?" Balthazar could barely believe what he was hearing

"All your going to do is break Cas' heart again, no doubt your gonna go of and leave again."

"I came back to help."

"We don't need your help Balthazar; I don't need your help. When you left, I was left, I stayed, and I looked after _my_ brothers."

"I'm, I'm sorry."

"I begged you to stay, I prayed you would come back, but you didn't. Five years Balthazar five, why come back at all, why now."

"Cas needed me."

"Castiel always needed you." Michael feeling exhausted and drained sat on the edge of the desk and sighed, he continued a lot softer with a surprising amount of empathy. "I know it was hard, it was hard on all of us but I know you had it worse. But you leaving, that was the worst," Michael kicked the desk behind him and stood anger starting to boil to think back on bad memories, "do you know how long Gabriel and Castiel cried, do you! Because I had to hold them and say you'll be back soon, I promised them that." Michael tearfully spat out the words in his brother's face "you made me into a liar." Balthazar was silent for a moment; he has never seen his brother so, emotional so out of control.

"Michael, you have no idea just how much dad hurt me." he told his brother as tears fell.

"You think you're the only one." Michael snapped and looked away not able to look him in the eye, as Bollys eyes shot straight up to Michael's. "You think you're the only one he's," Michael trailed of as his tears defeated him and they started to stream. Balthazar's heart looped and dropped and broke on impact with the harsh truth he feared, he reached out and took Michaels hand where he was still seated in too much pain to stand he pulled him closer, forcing Michael to face his brother and letting him see the tears.

"Michael…" Michael didn't was sympathy or pity, he snapped at Balthazar, even though he knew what he was going to say would make Balthazar hate himself forever.

"How did you think I got him to calm down so he didn't kill you the other day!" Micheal took his hand away from the devastated mans grip and lent against the wall, silence fell for a few moments, Michael staring to the ceiling as if in a silent prayer to god, Balthazar was staring at the floor as if cursing their evil demon father for escaping from hell, Michael snorted slightly at Balthazar shocked expression at his words. "Do you think you're the only one that wants to get away. That would kill to be rid of the feeling of filth and shame, you think you're the only one haunted!"

"I'm sorry, I had no idea." Michael saw guilt in his brothers eyes and that feeling washed over him, his voice softened as he spoke, feeling horrible for making Balthazar feel responsible.

"Oh Balthazar. How could you, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be mad at you, I should be mad at him."

"When did he start?" there was silence, Michael face was crinkled and trembling he was using all his strength not to cry. "Tell me Michael. You don't have to be ashamed or scared. I'm still your big brother whether you want me to be or not, I will protect you."

"I'm afraid." Michael wheezed out. Balthazar was got up, though his body was screaming him to be still, he walked up to his brother, Cupped both his cheeks and pressed there foreheads together.

"let me deal with him."

"I'm not afraid of that."

"Then what are you afraid of brother."

"If, if say it, I'm scarred it will be real. I don't want to cry Balthazar, I don't have the right too."

"Come here." Balthazar putting his arms around his brother, and held on tight, Michael held on for dear life, Balthazar knew Michael, he knows that he's never told anyone or been comforted and doubts he's ever cried about it, other than from the initial pain of course. "Every one has a right to cry, especially you." he whispered, and kissed Michael of the check. "I have failed you Michael. I'm so sorry. Please, please tell me what he did to you."

"I can't." They looked at each other and Michael helped his brother back to the chair after noticing his lack of ability to stand without swaying in pain.

"You can, I'm here." Michael nodded and suddenly he seemed so young and timid his Balthazar's eyes, he was just a child, when Michael sat on the floor and lent against Bolly's legs, like he did when he was young, it broke the eldest Novak's heart, he looked so defenceless, Michael was so strong and tough, so professional and business like, but it was only so he didn't have to deal with emotions anyone's, especially his that were so twisted and wild it scared him to feel. He sat there hugging his elder brother's legs and as Balthazar ran his fingers through the boy's hair, feeling safe and loved but still unable to stop the tears he sobbed out his story.

"It started a few days after you left, it started with him watching me sleep though I pretended not to notice, I was really worried about it so one night I set up a video camera. Turns out he was jerking himself off as he watched me dream. I was scared to go to sleep, but too scared to do anything. Few weeks after that he got mad, I don't remember what about but he hit Gabriel, gave him one hell of a black eye, I took him to his bedroom so he could sleep of the alcohol, turns out sucking him off calms him down a treat." Michael was shaking, he thought he had run out of tears, as he was now choking angry tearless sobs as he talked, Balthazar hated listening, but he knew Michael needed to tell his story and Balthazar needed to know what that bastard of a dad had done to his family, but mostly he needed to know just how much he failed at being a big brother, how much he failed to protect his brothers.

"Oh, Michael." Balthazar's eyes closed as he kissed his brother on the forehead.

"Then one day, I walked in his room with some coffee, he was flicking through this book, didn't know what it was but he didn't like being disturbed, so…"

"What did he do Mickey." Balthazar already knew, but Michael had to say it. The trembling mess of a man at his feet, was not the 25 year old business man that walked in, he was the six year old that cried in his arms and rubbed his booboos better when he first saw his daddy hit his brother, he was Bolly's Mickey.

"Threw the coffee in my face and bent me over the dresser." Michael was wrong, there were more tears, they were fresh and hot against his face.

"Mickey." Balthazar held him tighter knocking him slightly as he ran his fingers through the man's hair.

"It's okay, it didn't hurt." Michael was a terrible liar.

"Bull shit, it hurts like hell, you feel like vomiting, crying and dying at the same time."

"Yes. Do you want to know the sickest thing?" Balthazar was scarred for Michaels answer.

"How can it get any worse."

"When I came in he was already, hard. I think he was waiting for me. I was begging him to stop, and he kept laughing when I cried. He punched me and passed out after. I found this on his bed, the book he was flicking through."

Michael took a small black book that was sticky taped to the underneath of the bottom drawer and gave it to Balthazar. He took the book and without even opening it he knew by Michael face it was proof of his dad's evilness. He really didn't want to open it, when he did he was right. It was full of Polaroid photos of, him. Him in the basement, naked and beaten, bleeding and lying in his own filth with his father seed all over him, there was dozens, some zoomed in on his unconscious bloodied face, others just on certain bruises, certain cuts, it was sick. Tears filled Bolly's eyes, and Michael wished he hadn't showed him. "I'm sorry about what happened to you, I never told the boys." Bolly looked at Michael and nodded he grabbed a lighter from his pocket.

"This belongs in the past." Bolly told his brother before setting the book on fire and watching it burn. Balthazar watched as the evidence of his horror burn, it burned away. Suddenly it wasn't important, Mickey was, Gabe was and Cassie was. stopping it from happening again was more important than being hung up on what has already happened. Anger replaced sadness and Bolly turned to his brother voice now firm and steady. "How often does he rape you Michael." Michael sank back down again and seemed to ignore the question, Bolly kissed his brother's head and repeated himself softly. "How often?"

"I don't know, enough."

"And the others? Castiel and Gabriel." Bolly hated that he had to ask this, but he had to ask.

"He started going into Gabriel room at night and I told Gabriel what happens, the next day I see him with a cut lip black eye and a limp, I'm guessing he confronted dad, but that day he also moved to his mums so he was safe. I put a lock on Cas' door so it couldn't happen to him. But,"

"But?"

"I don't know when it started but I walked into Cas room about a year ago and dad was just about to, enter him."

"Fuck."

"He didn't I stopped him, showed him the book of you, and threaten to take it to the police if he raped Cas. So. So he raped me in front of him. cas' screams still haunt me." Balthazar punched the desk making Michael jump, he continued timidly "Cas promised me that he wasn't and has never been raped, but he has been forced to suck him off a few times. I'm sorry Balthazar; I'm the one that's failed. I have failed to look after them when you couldn't."

"This ends right now. Hit and beat me that's fine, but I worked too damn hard and took too many punches to let the beating of my brothers pass. When he did that to me, I left and I stupidly hoped his angry would to. Rape me? Fine I'll deal. But he will pay for touching you and the others Michael. I promise" Michael looked to his brother he found anger and determination in his eyes, so much it scared him a little.

"W, what are you going to do?"

"Get the others in here." Balthazar commanded Michael scrambled to his feet and left the room to get the others. Bolly looked at a family photo of them; him Michael Cas, Gabriel and their father, not forgetting the cross over Bolly's face in permanent marker, Bolly's hands were both in fists as his eyes went to the half burnt book and ash on the desk, he cracked his knuckles "yeah." He spoke to himself, then looking towards heaven he made a promise "It ends today."

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**Bollys big broter insticts overided his fear and now his going to save his family from an evil man that dares to call himself a father.**

**I decided not to give him their father name, because well, he doesnt deserve one and i think a name make him seem too human, and not having one makes him more scary and mysrious if you know want i mean- actually that makes no sense but i dont know how else to put it. like if i called him 'tom' he would be tom one person and less a sick sadistic man that we should all go and kill.**

**please review the chapter :D xxxxxx**


	23. Chapter 23

**when I thought about what to have in this chapter and what they would do and say etc i felt a little emotional, so It's not going to be all 'sunshine and rainbows'. this chapters about the sons finally finding their strength and standing up to their father, unforunatly not without Consequences :'( (split into two chapters)**

**please excuse any mistakes in grammar and spelling, not only do i generally suck at that but i wrote as fast as i could so i could put it up here as soo nas i could, so there will probably be some mistakes here.**

**enjoy the chapter xxx**

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Michael moved from his chair to his knees in front of Cas. "Are you alright?" What was the point in lying Cas thought it wasn't obvious he wasn't, so he shook his head as two tears fell, Michael wiped them away. "Tell us everything." Once again Cas shook his head. "Please Cassie." Castiel looked up at his older brother, since when did Michael use Bolly's nickname for him, he must be desperate Castiel thought. Desperate to help, like always the boy felt bad for shutting his brother out but he couldn't seem to find the words, except one which told Michael all he needed to know.

"Balthazar." He muttered to his elder siblings, rage filled Michael he hated seeing his brothers suffer and after placing a quick kiss on Cas' forehead he marched upstairs to Balthazar. Cas tried to stop him but didn't have the energy or strength, and only one person could give that to him. Gabriel was still holding him and he did feel warm and safe in his brothers arms, but he still felt shattered and only Dean could make him whole.

He excused himself from the living room and to the hall way, Cas listened to the soft ringing in his ear as he waited for Dean to answer the phone, though when he did, just the sound of his voice hitched a lump in Cas' throat as the sound almost made the boy cry.

"Dean, how fast can you get here?"

"_Cas what's happened? Has he done something? Are you okay?"_

"No nothing, I'm fine, I just need you."

"_Give me two minutes_." Dean hung up and Cas waited in the hall way hoping he would be that long. When Cas heard a car pull up he couldn't stand still, he opened the door and before his brain could even register who it was he found that he was running teary eyed towards the blonde teen.

* * *

Cas ran into him with such speed he fell back against his car and soon crushed his lips onto Dean's, a little surprised by the affection but did not pulled away he wrapped his arms around the boy and kissed him back with as much love and passion as he could, which was a lot. Without thinking, Dean slid his leg in-between Cas' and groaned in his boyfriend's mouth as he thrust slightly towards him. Cas stopped kissing when he felt this, Dean instantly looked sorry he lost control of his urges, but Cas didn't back away when he realised what a compromising position they were in, in fact he pushed back harder thrusting towards him and pinning Dean more to the car as they kissed.

"Cas, Cas stop." Dean groaned out as Cas started to cover his neck with kisses.

"Why?" somehow Cas managed to ask this innocently even though he had started to lick Dean's neck, making his eyes roll back in his head, but Dean was stronger in resisiting than he thought, or maybe more in love. Dean held Cas by the arms away from him.

"Because you're upset, talking is the best thing for you right now, we both now that this isn't going to help. Not after everything, rushing and pushing yourself is not going to make this go away. Talk to me." Cas' eyes filled with happiness, Dean really cared, he wrapped his arms around the boy and clung to his chest.

"When did you get so smart?"

"I've always been smart baby, you just haven't noticed, you were to busy taking in my dashing good looks" Cas snorted Dean was so, Dean.

"And so it appears your modesty. Come on lets go inside"

"What about your dad?"

"Oh it's alight he's passed ou- he won't be any trouble." Castiel blushed, embarrassed at the state of his father so early in the day, Dean knew and nodded, accepted his lye as truth, Castiel loved him for that.

"Okay." Dean said through a smile before Cas led him into the house. they walk in comfortable silence with their fingers laced together, it was nice.

* * *

Dean stood in the hall way and watched Cas quietly closing the front door and turning before giving him a chaste yet loving kiss.

"hmmm." Dean hummed through their kissed.

"What is it?" Cas asked through a smile as he peered up lovingly to Dean's bright face.

"You taste like strawberries." Dean caught Cas' laugh with another kiss, or planned too.

His intention was abruptly halted by the hard object colliding with his head, the blinding force used caused him to feel sick with dizziness as the room started to dance. A small trickle of blood ran down the left on his head, and he soon found himself on his knees. Within a matter of seconds Cas watched in horror as his fathers whiskey bottle collided with his boyfriend's skull. He didn't even have time to scream before Dean hit the floor, nor did he have time to react before Mr Novak grabbed Cas' wrist and dragged him into the living room belt already in hand.

"Dad, please." Cas whimpered as Mr Novak pushed him away from him.

"Don't 'please' me boy." Mr Novak grabbed Cas' arms and spats out his hatful words itches from Cas' teary terrified face. "You dare to taint my house with your devil worship!" Cas was reeling in every emotion he thought possible but right now the top of the list was confusion, devil worship? Was his father really that judgemental and hypocritical?

"What?" Cas sounded so innocent and scared it would have broken any fathers heart, if he had a heart, Mr Novak just got mad. He pulled Cas' t-shirt off and shoved him to the floor, placing his size 12's on Cas' back with painful force to keep him still.

"You and that boy are conducting Satan's work, you are damning your self. I will not allow a demon to replace my son; I will beat it out of you." Cas screamed as the first lash of his fathers leather strap made contact and instantly turned his creamy skin red. Tears streamed as he begged his dad to stop for three more lashes before;

"Hey!" that voice, Cas thought that voice, his voice, Dean's voice. Mr Novak spun around to see Dean barley standing with a pale face contrasting violently with the deep red blood that trickled generously down his face, though weak in posture, his eyes were on fire, strong and fierce which angered Mr Novak Dean's spirit was not as fragile as his head, which Dean was sure was now fractured and hurt like hell, though he ignored the feeling of pain and concentrated on the rage instead.

"Don't you touch him, you son of a bitch." Dean growled out before his did something Mr Novak was not expecting and hadn't had since he broke Balthazar's spirit, he received a very hard punch to the face catching him of guard he fell to the floor. After Dean regained balance he grabbed Castiel and pulled him into his arms and held him as Cas cried, neither strong enough to moved just yet.

* * *

Gabriel had left the living room after Cas went to phone Dean, he left because he wanted to give his little brother a little privacy. He didn't know the extent of his feelings for Dean, but he wasn't blind either. He knew Cas did have deep feelings for his friend. He could tell it by his eyes, it was only when he was with Dean or talking about Dean did they really come to life, sparkle even. When Gabe came into the living room to fetch his book, he tried not to expect anything not wanting to embarrass Cas, but he didn't dream to see what he did, he came into the side door of the living room in time to see Cas bleeding and crying of the floor, his father in a red rage and Dean punching the fuck out of the bastard, Gabe resisted the urge to cheer and ending up watching Dean pull his little brother into his arms and cradle the shaking boy, soothing his pain when he was in so much himself, Dean kissed Cas on the head before whispering to leave, a small smile crept onto Gabe's face. A smile which instantly disappeared when he saw the two turning to leave just as his dad got to his feet and raised his hand still clutching his belt knuckles white and fist shaking.

"Dad no!" Dean and Cas turned to see Gabriel wrestling with his father, Cas was filled with pride as Gabriel never stood up for himself, he should have been to cocky and lively like he was born to be, you could see it in his face but their father soon saw to that and Gabriel turned shy and timid, fear also grabbled Cas, what would his dad do to Gabe for his disobedience and insolence? Cas tried to move to help but found the pain and admittedly fear made him frozen to watch, Dean was not he moved towards the two and instantly got a punch in the face, making the boy fall to the floor.

Michael came in face puffy and eyes red from his talk with Bolly, his mouth hit the floor when he saw all the mess, blood and anger in the room. He held Cas' shoulder which made the kid jump out his skin, just as Michael started to move to help his little brother, Mr Novak grabbed Gabriel and near enough through him into the door, the glass panel on the living room door smashed on impact and Gabriel half fell through it. Broken glass running down and slicing his torso and head, he spat out blood and tried to stand, it didn't work and Cas caught him, though still unsteady he fell into the wall but managed to stay up right. Michael was facing his father, their eyes locked Mr Novak with a horrid smug smile.

Before Michael was able to talk him self out of it, he tightly held his hand in a fist and punched hard into his fathers gut, winding him and bringing to his knees, tears started to fill the mans eyes as he looked up to his son completely shocked and in pain, Michaels harsh gaze lessened as he looked to his fathers distraught expression, then Gabriel started to choke up blood as it soon return, that bastard did this, he swung at his fathers face and soon took that fake expression of feeling right off as he fell to the floor. Dean got to his feet and stumbled towards Cas, he took the weight of Gabriel and started to examine the boy. Balthazar came in hearing the smash of glass and came down, if he was angry before after seeing the state of his brother's, he was down right murderous.

* * *

"Take Gabriel outside and call the cops." Bolly told his brothers eyes locked to his fathers. Dean told Cas to stay where he was knowing he was too weak to support Gabriel again. So Michael and Dean took Gabriel outside and sat him onto the step.

"Guys I'm fine." Gabriel told the worried looking boys in front of him, he pulled out his phone. "I'll call the police you two go in and finish the son of a bitch."

"We can't just leave you."

"I'll be fine; the police will be here soon anyway, you did to keep dad from killing one of them in there." The boys nodded and went beck inside the house, leaving the door open. When the boys rejoined the chaos, the eldest two men's eyes were still locked. Michael stood behind Balthazar ready and willing to back his brother up, whilst Dean went up Cas and tried to keep him awake. Balthazar raised his arms to shield the guys behind them, just as Mr Novak glanced and moved towards them.

"If you want them, you will have to kill me first." Balthazar sounded angry, but more than that he sounded strong, which put a smile on every ones faces despite the situation, even Mr Novak was taken aback slightly, but soon regained his smile, as he smugly stood and spoke.

"I'm okay with that." He then grabbed the coffee table that separated them, from the middle of the room and launched it aside coursing it to fly towards and out the window, making glass fly every which way. Mr Novak really didn't have a problem with it and stepped forward to take his eldest on his word.

* * *

**Please review :D xxxx (this chapter will be updated very soon, some time today probably in an hour or so.)**


	24. Chapter 24

**hope you enjoyed the last chapter enjoy the rest of it :P**

* * *

Mark pulled up outside the Novak house in his car with his daughter in tow, bouncing excitedly in her car seat. She sat up and peered out the window the sight that greeted her made her pout slightly.

"But daddy this isn't ice cream." Mark smiled and cupped his daughter disappointed yet still smiley face.

"No sweet heart, we're just getting a few people."

"Who?" Belle asked excitedly as she bounced in her car seat again, she loved visitors, they always called her cute and most gave her candy, she liked that.

"Someone who's very important to me, he's. he's your, uncle." Mark tried to explain finding it hard to tell his toddler daughter about his gay relationship.

"He's your brother?" this was going to be very hard Mark thought.

"No sweet heart,"

"Mummy's brother?" Mark sighed slightly; this was a little awkward he hoped she would understand, she was so young.

"No honey, he's daddy's, boyfriend." Belle instantly started to giggle.

"Silly daddy, mummy has a boyfriend, you have girlfriend, or mummy."

"Sometimes it's not as simple as that honey, as long as two people are in love it doesn't matter whether they're a boy or girl."

"You're in love?"

"Yes honey, and he and his brother will live with us for a little while, I hope that's okay." Belle thought for a second then looked to her father.

"Will I have to share a room?" Mark laughed slightly, loving his daughters innocence and non judgmental nature, he wished the world were like her.

"No sweetheart." He was about to continue when a three men came out of the house, two looked bloodied, one very hurt. "Stay here Belle." Mark told her sounded worried as he fumbled with his safety belt, just as he opened the car door a table came smashing through the window and poor Belle covered her ears and screamed slightly in surprise.

"Daddy, don't leave!" Mark looked as white as a sheet but tried to act calm for Belle's sake and he managed to smile slightly.

"Stay here, what ever happens do not get out his car." He kissed he worried daughter on the head "I love you, I'll be back before you know it." Mark then closed his door and ran towards the house.

* * *

Mark checked on Gabriel, who pushed Mark into the house to help the others. Mark ran into the living room, Balthazar was still standing in front of every one playing protector, Mr Novak had gotten mad and at present was holding a large piece of glass in his hand, he held it so hard a small amount of blood was coming from his hand and down the glass, though he didn't notice he was in the middle of the rebellion of his children, they must be crushed.

Mark came in and placed a supporting hand on Balthazar's shoulder, who shot around instantly. A mixture of love, fear, confusion and a hint of anger was plastered over Bolly's face but only love in his eyes as he looked into Mark's. Mr Novak only saw evil when he should have seen love, so he lunged forward at the distracted Balthazar and dug the glass deep into his forearm and sliced down violently, Balthazar screamed in pain and feel to his knees, Mark was by his side instantly holding his jacket against the wound keeping pressure trying to stop the blood.

Mr Novak did the same to Cas, well tried Michael jumped on his back forcing him to drop the blood soaked glass. Mr Novak slammed backwards into the corner of the door frame, so Michael's back got all the impact he couldn't hold on and fell to the floor in pain.

The mad man with now crazy and insane eyes turned to his youngest, it was like he had gotten a taste of blood, and he liked it. With almost ghostly speed he had Cas by the throat, Dean's vision had now gone blurry, but after a few seconds managed to make out the form of Cas, in trouble. Dean was just about ready to blow, he started to make his way to Cas' aid, but I turned out he didn't need any.

Cas found that he was being choked by the man that was supposed to love him no matter what. Cas' eyes were drawn to Bolly's, Mark was holding his jacket to the gash in his lovers arm with one hand and cupping his cheek with the other, how were they evil? and how was their dad not? Cas looked to Michael reeling in pain, then to Dean barely conscious, Cas looked into his fathers eyes and thought of Gabriel, who could do that? All the memories of all the beatings to all his brothers filled the boys mind, instead of finding fear he found anger, instead of weakness, strength, he was sick of this. Cas' face went from pathetic to down right terrifyingly angry, Mr Novak expression told him as much, Cas screamed shouted out all the angry all the years of endurance and head butted the bastard square in the face just as Dean got to him, coursing Mr Novak to fall unconscious for a few moments, everyone turned to stare at Cas' victory, it was clear their fathers rein was over.

However today would end, they knew they were free of this bastard, out of his control. Dean caught his lover as he lost his footing and his head started splitting. "No one wins with a head butt." Cas told Dean as he looked to the boy proud and almost in tears, Cas found his strength. They both laughed slightly even through the pain they smiled.

* * *

Michael Bolly and Mark got up and silently stood over the man, the man looked so weak so…human. Mr Novak came to a few moments later, he looked to the boys in the room. He spat out some blood before sniggering to himself.

"Looks like I didn't rape you boys hard enough." Michael was the one that snapped he punched his father again and again, until Mr Novak lay on the floor.

"Enough." Bolly shouted wanting this over and Michael instantly stood back. He moved in front of Michael and stared at his father as the man struggled for breath…so human.

He looked to his sons, he looked disgusted, him and Bolly stared at each other, daring the other to look away first. His dad did, only to notice how his eldest sons hand was clinging hard onto the other man in the room, Mark. Mr Novak screamed again a poker from the fireplace and whilst still on his knees he swung at Bolly, catching Mark in the arm Balthazar dodged and after a kick to the stomach he let go and Balthazar stood standing in front of his defeated father, for the first time in charge. Cas went to help out, but Michael held him back,

"This is something he has to do on his own Cas." Balthazar stood pointing the poker at his abusive, manipulative, perverted, rapist of a father and this stomach turned looking at his father made him feel sick, or maybe that was the blood loss. Their father to every ones surprise started to laugh.

"Go on Balthazar, kill me, I know you want too. I would be so easy." Balthazar pressed the poker to his fathers cheek as anger filled his eyes, everyone was ready to watch him kill, everyone except Balthazar.

"No." he told the room as he threw the poker down. Instead he swung and punched his dad harder that he had ever hit anything or anyone before, feeling happy as he felt his nose crack and brake.

"I'm not going to kill you. I want you to live. I'm taking my family out of this house, and away from you. And you will be put away for a very long time. To a place where people are just itching to play all sorts of games with someone that likes to beat and rape his adolescent sons. I want you to live knowing that when you die, you die alone and unloved. That you are going straight to hell, to the deepest pitts of hell you sick, twisted, evil, son of a bitch!"

* * *

Out of nowhere a little girl appeared at the living room door. "Daddy, daddy. There a boy outside, he's bleeding and on the ground and-" Belle screamed as at the same time Mr Novak dived under the sofa, grabbed his gun and grabbed the little girl, every ones hearts stopped, Mark's exploded.

"Belle! Let her go!" Mark pleaded with the maniac. Everyone was shocked none more that Balthazar that Mark had a child that he failed to mention, but no one had time to process anything but fear and anger at Mr Novak because that that moment he was holding a gun to a little girls head.

"Daddy?"

"It's okay sweetheart, it will be okay." The evil man looked to the girl he was holding to Mark's red teary face and cracked a smile.

"Daddy? Oh this is just precious a fag that propagated. I feel sorry for you having such an unfortunate father." he harshly stroked belles hair as he struggled in his grasp.

"Daddy is the bestest and your just mean." He shouted everyone was filled with pride at her spirit.

"Enough! One step closer and I'll shot."

"Please, please don't hurt my baby girl. I beg you please let her go, please." Mark pleaded to Mr Novak who's smile became wider at seeing the fag suffer.

"Back up, go on." Mr Novak made his way to the door, everyone was edging forward, whilst keeping a distance. Then he push belle back at the boys, Mark caught his little girl and held her tight as he started to cry, everyone else was so mad, they started to make their way to the door to follow, but despite everything my Novak was not altogether stupid so shot three times at the house to stop them from following.

He stopped at Gabriel's unconscious body that fell from the step, Mr Novak gave his son one last kick in the stomach before bolting away from the house and down the path. Michael soon followed everything in his face was screaming pain, he wanted to run after his father but caught sight of his little brother, and cradled his head cried at his broken body waiting to hear the sirens everyone was desperately waiting for.

* * *

Mark caught his little girl and held her tight as he started to cry, when he heard gun shots his grip of belle tightened and his heart stopped, he looked up and belle seemed okay, he could breathe again. Mr Novak had gone and Michael had just disappeared from the room, running after a mad man with a gun didn't seem like a good idea but he was already gone.

Dean and Cas hit the floor as well as they could when they heard the shots being fired, they look at each other and quickly wrapped their arms around the other as they sat in a bundlle on the floor. Mark looked from them to Balthazar that was still standing, Bolly was staring out in front looking slightly dazed. "B?" Mark asked, Balthazar looked down at him and smiled briefly, Mark looked down Bolly body to his hands that was pressed against his stomach, his hands were gilsening red. "B?" Mark asked sounded deadly serious and completely worried mark gave the little girl to both Dean and Cas that looked after her. Mark stood and faced Bolly. "Balthazar, what's happened?" Bolly face was still dazed as he looked into Mark's petrified glossy eyes.

"I'm sorry." Balthazar managed to whisper before collapsing. Belle screamed as Dean gasped and covered the girls face, as Cas stared unable to move feeling like death. Mark caught Bolly and gently lowered him onto the ground. Mark pulled Bolly's hand away and applied pressure to the deep bullet wound that tore his insides and made the boy incoherent as he felt darkness starting to creep up on him. Mark was in tears and Bolly was struggled but that didn't stop the tears falling. He didn't want to say goodbye. "Looks like we weren't meant to be together sweetie."

"No!" Mark wheezed out. "Don't say that, I will save you. I'm a doctor remember, I will save you."

"It's too late I can feel it." mark was crying unable to stop into bolly chest as he kept pressure on his wound with one hand and gripped bollys collar with another, with a large intake of breath the puffy eyed man looked balthazar in th eye, faces inches apart.

"Don't give up! I will not loose you again, I have only just got you back. Don't leave me B." Mark was barley understandable through the sobs. Balthazar used all his strength to raise his hand to Mark's face, and he ran his forefinger down the middle of Mark's lips as he smile slightly remembering how they tasted, how they felt, it was a happy thought to leave on.

"I'm sorry." Balthazar weakly told him.

"No, no, don't you apologise to me, don't you dare, you are not leaving me, not again. You can't do this. Ill save you."

"It hurts baby. Just let me go," mark pressed his forhead against his lovers.

"No never, I'm never letting you go!" Balthazar had no strength to fight to keep his consciousness.

"You'll never loose me, darling please, please hold me. I'm afraid." the scared bloodied weak man beg of his beloved. Mark gently wrapped his arms around the man as he cradled his body still keeping pressure on the wound. "I, love, y-"

Balthazar slipped into his mind and became limp, tears were still streaming down Mark's face, this couldn't be happening, this wasn't real. How could this be real.

"Balthazar? B!" it was real, mark could feel his own soul darken, shatter as his heart stopped and felt nothing good inside. Mark sobbed out his pathetic heart breaking pleas to the unconscious man before him. "open your eyes baby, just open them please, open your eyes, come back, come back to me." him his sobs became hysterical as he screamed his lovers name, "BALTHAZAR!"

* * *

**so the bastard beat up his son's and his son's boyfirends, threatened a little girl with a gun before leaving his eldest for dead! then ran away before the police arrived...coward! ****I'm thinking maybe have the police dogs look for him but then like eat him slowly before the police got there, oh well lol but then again that would mean he didnt get to face his crime, face prison and all the lovely inmates for the horride things he's done.**

**anyway please review xxxxxxxxxxxxxx :P**


	25. Chapter 25

**hope you enjoy the chapter :P took a while to write i couldnt' decide on the order hope i got it right lol :D**

**please forgive any mistakes in spelling or grammar ^_^ xx**

* * *

Two of the Novak brothers had to be rushed into ICU, Balthazar and Gabriel, both loosing blood and both in critical condition. When the paramedics got to the house after what seemed like hours of waiting, worries didn't lesson but deepened when they spotted the fear in the medic's faces. Mark travelled with Balthazar whilst Michael with Gabriel. Michael sorted out insurance, made them comfortable and talked to the police, whilst Cas was in no state to go anywhere or to talk to anyone. He was crying silently in Dean's arms staring out to space when the medics came and took his brother's away.

Dean knew he needed him, and like the fool in love he was, he hid his injuries in favour of taking care of Cas and took him to his. Dean will never forget that night he spent with Cas, well what he was conscious for. Dean held the weeping boy in his arms, as he shivered and sobbed his heart out, already grieving for the brothers he prayed would survive, and that's what he did, he prayed they both did. Blubbering out to god for help, for justice. Whilst Dean silently cried into Cas' hair as he rocked the boy, he feared for the boys lives, but mostly for Cas, how would Cas handle the news if it were bad. He was in shock and seemed to be traumatised, the only thing that snapped his out of it was seeing Dean collapse onto the floor from the injury he neglected to have seen too.

So despite Dean's efforts Cas ended up at the hospital that night. Michael was in Gabriel's room he read to his little brother, cried and begged him to wake up. The poor boy looked so pale, so weak. Michael blamed himself _I_ _should never have left him on his own_ he thought again and again, _if only I'd stayed_ Michael was raked in guilt and cried most the night, he cried for everyone. Cas was in Dean's room, the boy had gained consciences pretty quick and held Cas in his arms all night, yes their relationship was secret but at this point after everything that has happened that day Dean couldn't care less if he tried, he was alive and so was Cas and they were together, Dean was just thankful for that much. Mark wanted to be with Balthazar, hold his hand be close, but had to wait outside, as the doctors on shift had yet to stabilise the injured man, he was strong but the wound was bad, Mark knew the odds he knew the risks of every available treatment and he hated knowing, but he also knew the doctors they were friends good friends and brilliant at their jobs, his love was in the best hands and they would work to save the man until the very end. Mark preyed it wouldn't come to that.

Some part of the boys wanted to hide everything, to conceal the truth, hold their families integrity, but then they decided to screw the integrity of the noble 'Novak' family and try more for dignity for themselves as individuals, as brothers. To be able to look in the mirror and finally be able to stand what's looking back, to live with themselves knowing they were stronger than him, him that for 19 years had them believing otherwise, him that had the nerve to do what he did then call himself religious, that man not only destroyed the brothers belief in god but destroyed their faith, faith in anyone, that anyone was coming to save them, faith that they could save themselves, that there was any law higher than their fathers. Faith they found on that Sunday, faith in each other, faith they are now finding in them selves after seeing what unknown strength they held.

The boys told the police everything that had happened in the last 19 years. They told the police and held their heads high as they admitted the horrors they grew up in, needless to say the police were horrified. They went over the house many more times than necessary, bagged and tagged bed linens and the photo book, their dads journal and laptop which put every single officer into a state of shock. There were no words when the Novak's medical records were brought up, as well as Balthazar's hospital stay and mental state five years ago, the records were extensive and it brought up the question of how the family visited the hospital this much, broke this many bones and no red flags came up to the social. The system was seriously flawed, seriously flawed if something like this could fall through the net, 19 years.

All the senior officers had children and almost all the officers had siblings, just the thought of what they went through, what they had to witness broke all the officer's hearts especially when they took statements from the boys, well the boys that were able to talk. After the police listened to their story, detective price, phoned his brother for the first time in six years just to hear his little brothers voice, he cried on over phone. What was the hardest was conducting rape tests on the boys, what man could do this to his children? It was safe to say that all the officers were out to get this guy, they were after blood.

The police saw fit to keep Mr Novak's sexual crimes and the true extent of the abuse away from the media and out of public knowledge, this was after all a small town, the last thing the police needed was some vigilante or angry mob, which to their own discretion many if not all the officers on this case would willingly take part in if not lead. the Novak's were close friends with many of the officers on the force, the police thought that the lads and didn't deserve their private lives plastered everywhere, mostly for Castiel, the poor boy was still in high school everyone knows how cruel kids can be, so they kept it away from the media. It wouldn't do any good having every teenager in the town know he and his brothers were sexually assaulted by their father, no good at all. The people that needed to know did that's all that mattered.

Even despite the lack of true knowledge the public had of the Novak's personal lives they knew enough, they knew that for years Mr Novak abused his sons, over and over. Cas knew everyone in school knew, when he walked down the corridor that first morning back after the incident. Cas got no ends of looks from his class mates, Both Cas and Dean, Cas with his personal trauma being gossip topic #1, a bruise of a hand over his neck and wipe marks on his back, that were revealed when he got changed for gym, something that everyone noticed but tried not to, even the coach, its true what they say bad news travels fast before the end of the day, the end of the next period really, his back was buzzing around school. Dean didn't escape these looks, he had after all had a bashed up face bruised and worn, and he had seven stitched to his head and a partially fractured skull not to mention the constant head ache. Even now three months later the looks continue. It was like everyday people spotted another scar on the boy, or remembered another injury his sported in the past. That first day back was by far the worst though, not that it's gotten any better not really. Being a lawyer all of Michael's work colleges at the firm knew about Michael's private life and news travels fast around an office, they knew everything. The firm is involved in the case, they are representing Mr Novak should he ever he found, not that any one wanted to, not after what he did to one of their own.

It has been three months since the incident, three months since four tortured brothers banded together, and found the strength to rid their lives of a poisonous father. Three months since he fled, although to this day Mr Novak has yet to be apprehended the boys, as well as the police believe it is only a matter of time before he is brought to justice. Even though the boys are still waiting for that day, they no longer fear his presence, they no longer let the fear of the unknown in, at least that what they tell each other. Truth is after three months without him they all realise that he will always be there, that voice in the back of their minds, telling them, reminding them of their worth and there is no telling if that can ever go away, no matter what and with any amount of time.

That one day changed everything for good. Everyone involved could not go back to the denial and false innocence they had buried themselves in for so long. How the events of that day unfolded left everyone wounded and broken, in one way or another. Some more than most. Even though it was touch and go for the Novak's, in the face of their pain and tears that day ended, a new one began, the rain fell and the sun shone, time went on, the stars continued to glisten and the lovers, the lovers even started daring to dream, despite their sorrows the Novak's refused to give in to the doubt and fear their father had left behind, and started to believe it was all possible, life. In each other they found strength and with each new day they found the courage for the next, it is true that time can heal most wounds, and most wounds have been healed, most.

* * *

Despite everything Dean and Castiel seemed to have gone from strength to strength, looking for each other for warmth, comfort and guidance in uncertain times. They clung to each other for courage and told each other daily just how much they love the other. Yet still they hid themselves, their true selves, their true feelings from the world. The internal damage Balthazar had suffered was been excessive, but mark sat by Bolly's bed every night after his shift with desperate hope, he sat by the silent wired up body for hours just, waiting.

Mark kept and extended his offer of home and board to Castiel, though grateful the boy knew Michael needed him more so stayed with him instead. Mark understood and when he saw the Novak's during visiting hours he was kind and courteous, though Mark was to worried and stressed to be his normal charming, funny self, politeness did just fine and they all approved, Bolly was a lucky guy. Though the stress Mark felt did not excuse him from his duties at the hospital and continued working and healing the sick, whilst every moment wishing he could be with him Balthazar, that he could save him.

* * *

A week after the incident, when they were both back at school and they were back to making out before and after school-still with Sam in the back, watching. Everyday after school, Cas went to the hospital to be with his brothers, Dean wanted to go with him, stand by him but Castiel needed his family and his family were at the hospital.

* * *

Gabriel had been released after two weeks, his gashes were deep but thankfully did no excessive or long term damage, the same could not be said for Balthazar. Gabriel came away from the hospital confined to a wheel chair until his many stitches healed, which would leave him with large deep scars to show off to his mates at college and brag about a crocodile attack, his injuries and the reasons behind them prevented him from taking exams due to the extreme circumstances, his tutors let him through the year on credit.

Two weeks after the incident Cas and Dean were all over each other again, Castiel was around his everyday after school and the hospital, Michael drove him to Dean's and picked him up after. It started with simply laying in each others arms, with a kiss as Cas left but after a few days this quickly progressed to a few kissed in-between, this soon intensified during the third week after the incident, when it got to that the boys could barley get into Dean's room and lock the door before they were grabbing each other, nipping and licked each others necks and lips, kissing with all the passion of well, two horny teenage boys. Half the time they didn't make it to the bed and pinned each other to the door or tumbled to the floor instead. Despite their lust, hormones and desires Dean kept a restraint; he didn't touch Cas below the belt and took nothing off, unless Cas did first. Above everything Dean was patient and respectful of Cas' boundaries, and loved Dean so much for it but felt so guilty for the restrictions he found he regrettably had. But Dean never complained.

* * *

On day after around a month since the incident, in a state of passion Dean had Cas up against the door, they kissed hard and strong, Dean's lips were wet as he left a trail of open mouthed kisses down his neck, the urge to rip Cas' shirt from his quivering body was much too much, before Dean could stop himself his hand were under Cas' shirt feeling his chest as he pushed Cas hard against the door, his fingers brushed Cas' nipple and a gasp half in surprise but completely in pleasure escaped the boys lips, Dean caught the boy's eye.

"I'm, I'm sorry Cas." Dean apologised, Cas smiled kissed the side of Dean's mouth before taking his shirt off slowly before doing the same to his one. Cas took Dean's hand, led him to the bed and lowered him down. Dean stared in awe at the naked flesh before him; Cas lent on his elbow and gazed down at his lover, tracing his feature with soft feather touches of his gentle finger tips.

"Just the shirt okay?" he almost whispered and Dean nodded in response unable to speak. He slowly lent down and kissed gently, Dean growled as he grabbed Cas and pulled them together instantly added heat and deepened the kiss. That first sensation of skin on skin contact made the wait worth while.

From then on the boys went shirtless, they had parts of each other to touch and explore, they took their time doing so they had all the time in the world for their relationship to progress all the way, they had the rest of their lives. Besides sex wasn't what it was about, not for them. Cas found that Dean had a thing for his chest and stomach being kissed and licked. Dean found Cas had particularly sensitive nipples. When the boys longed for each others flesh pressed against their own heated skin, when they needed their touch and yearned for their tongue inside their wet mouths, when their make out sessions became heated and rough, Dean realised that Cas seemed to have a thing for scratching and biting. Dean thought it may have something to do with his dad, a way of getting the anger out, but on the other hand it could just be one of those things, those little kinks people have, either way Dean was surprised to find he kinda liked it. The sensation it created drove him wild, and the look in Cas' eyes was beyond lustful, just so damn irresistible. Not to mention that ever so often Dean heard the boy make the most alluringly sexy noises, noises that could only be described as a growl, god his boy was sexy. Dean just wanted to rip his clothes of and have him, take him it didn't matter, he just wanted him, all of him completely, to feel him, see him loose control, Cas was always so reserved and controlled he had to be, they both did. Cas was lustful just as much as Dean, despite not being ready for the next step his body yearned for it. Those times were he growled and his control slipped were what turned Dean on the most, gave him a tingly feeling that reached down to his toes. The thought of what it would be like to witness Cas relinquish all control and give in, just made Dean so, hard.

* * *

Three months since the incident.

Dean and Cas had just spent the last hour rolling on the bed, Dean had to stop it, he felt his control slipping and his hands begin to wonder, he paced the bedroom keeping his mind of his half naked beautiful boyfriend before him.

"I'm sorry Cas, you're so, and I'm so, than were so, god your look so," Dean was red with embarrassment from his babbling unfinished sentences, Cas found it adorable.

"Would it make you feel better if I put my shirt on." Dean closed his eyes as he begrudgingly nodded; unfortunately he knew what he was like. Cas did so and when Dean opened his eyes again the boys expression had changed, dramatically. Dean was by Cas' side in an instant.

"Cas, what's the matter?"

"Can, can you hold me." Dean climbed into bed and wrapped his arms around his lover. They laid for a while in silence, Dean stroking Cas' hair soothingly as he clung to deans chest.

"Baby, you're shivering"

"Sorry."

"No, don't be sorry Cas, is something wrong?"

"I was just thinking, he's still out there." Deans heart filed with sorrow at haring Cas in sp much fear and pain, if Dean ever got his hands on him he wouldn't think twice before killed the bastard. He kissed Cas gently on the head as his grip tightened around him, instantly Cas felt safe.

"He can't get to you."

"What if he comes back?"

"Hey, I won't let anything bad happen to you okay, I promise."

"I love you Dean."

"I love you too." Cas relaxed slightly though he knew that there was only so much Dean could do. Cas nuzzled into him and they laid peacefully in each others arms until Michael came to take him away.

**Mean while.**

"Come on, don't be a baby." The dark haired man sternly said as he thrust a handful of coloured pills towards the bed, the man before him stared back, determined to stand his ground this time. Mark gave Balthazar full on puppy eyes.

"I'm not being a baby sweetie," Balthazar looked back at Mark giving his lover his best firm glare, to let him know he meant business, unfortunately Mark's puppy eyes just made him melt completely, though he continued to argue by now he knew he was not winning this one, did he ever. "I just don't want to take anymore pills." Mark's face softened, he hated having to do this, he hated that Balthazar had to take these pills, none of this was fair, but it had to be done.

"They will help," Bolly saw the guilt in Mark's eyes and after one more "please." he caved, completely. He rolled his eyes and begrudgingly took the pills, he sat for a moment staring into his hand, and he didn't stop until she piped up.

"Uncle Bolly, you have to take your medicine or you can't come to my birthday party." Mark let out a deep whistle as he heard how high this tough little negotiator took the stakes as she sat on her dad's lap, swinging her legs joyfully. Bolly's eyes widened and put on his best scared and apologetic look.

"Well now that's not fair, now I have to take them." Bolly smiled widely at Belle then caught Mark's eye, who winked to the patient before he took the pills, hoping he won't have to take them for much longer. After swallowing he opened his mouth for Belle's inspection, once satisfied he took them her face turned happy as a massive smile appeared on her face.

"Yay!" she shouted as she clapped to herself before jumping from her dads lap and trying to clamber onto Bolly's bed. Mark laughed as he lifted the girl up, she fitted nicely in Bolly's arms, as he stroked her hair he lovingly smiled at Mark as he gently held his hand and stroked it with his thumb, he thought maybe he was about to start crying, the moment was just so perfect, well apart from the hospital and bullet wound thing. They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, before Mark got to his feet and removed his hand from Bolly's grasps, the man sighed a little from the cold feeling that gushed over his palm at the loose of contact.

"We'd better go, got to get sleepy draws here back to her mums."

"Okay."

"I'll be back tomorrow and pick you up."

"You'd better I'm not planning on going home alone." They smiled at each other as they thought of moving Balthazar fully into Mark's, the thought of them finally being together gave the two men butterflies. Mark bent down and whispered into Balthazar's ear.

"I'll never leave you alone." After placing a kiss on Balthazar's forehead he scooped down picked his daughter and moved to the door. "I love you." Mark told his lover with soft eyes and a gently smile.

"Love you too." Belle threw her tiny hand in the air and shouted.

"And me!" she called making the men laugh.

"And you Belle." Bolly told the little girl who smiled and waved goodbye as they left. Bolly was left on his own, on his own for the last time, he was going home tomorrow he was going to finally be free, free to live his life with Mark, in Mark's house, their house, their home. Balthazar was going to have a home. A soft smile graced his face as he drifted into a light sleep, waiting for morning to arrive.

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**So i couldnt have bolly die, im not _that_ heartless, none of you wanted him to go, neither did i and i got a death threat about it- i was slightly scared LOL :P**

**any way please review :D xxxxx**


	26. Chapter 26

**I honestly thought it would never get this done ;P I am in the midst of my exams- god I hope I get through the year, but I only need 40% I guess lol, I have an exam on Monday and haven't even started revising as I had one yesterday too (I wrote one essay on serial murder and another on rape lol good times ;P) and three more next week =/. Not to mention I am completely hung over so I hope you very much enjoy this chapter LOL so it may be a while before another, a few weeks maybe :)**

**sorry for any mistakes in spelling or grammar xx**

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Balthazar was finally released from hospital and has been living with Mark for a week, neither had been happier, like some kind of fairy tale. It was surprisingly scary how comfortable they were with each other, and how easy it was living together and falling into a routine. Unfortunately Liz- Belle's mum fell of the wagon after Mark told her about Balthazar now she just can't stop drinking, Mark does feel guilty about that, but he also knows he shouldn't. He and Balthazar have done nothing wrong. After a few minor incidents Belle was taken to a foster home and Mark has started proceedings to gain full custody of his daughter, him and Bolly. Gabriel's stitches were out and he has started making plans for his return to college, whilst Michael is in line for a promotion at work.

Things were nice, things were good.

Its Saturday, three weeks to graduation and two weeks to the prom, neither Dean nor Cas could wait. They lay in bed that night exhausted from a day tuck shopping, they found the perfect ones, Dean was described as 'batman' in his, whilst Cas had a more bond way about him. The only down side was knowing they couldn't share a dance together, they could never have a first dance with their beloved at a school prom, although they were a little sad about it, they knew they had the rest of their lives to dance together, and they will.

Last week Cas had started sneaking into Dean's room through the window at night and staying until morning, he wasn't ready for sex but wanted, needed Dean to hold him close. It was the same for Dean, that contact that security of their loves warm body next to theirs, heart pumping and mind dreaming as they lay in their arms, it seemed perfect. On school days Cas climbed back out the window in the morning half the time before Dean had woken, there he waited around the corner for Dean's impala to take them to school.

Fortunately tonight was not a school night, tomorrow was Sunday so Cas could stay in Dean's warm embrace all day if he wanted, and he did. It was half eleven and the boy's were already drifting of to sleep, they were so comfortable and relaxed in the others arms it was unbelievable how so, like they belonged there, belonged together. Both boys were in their boxers, legs entangled and arms tightly wrapped around the other, their breathing was slow as they inhaled and exhaled in perfect unison.

It was now Sunday morning, today used to be a family day, if you could call Cas' 'family' a family. On this day, Cas went to church he prayed, he said the words and sang the songs, though he knew it was worthless. Cas believed as much as Bolly but wasn't as brave, he couldn't make the stand Balthazar did and not go, he wished he had, but it doesn't matter now, nothing from back then did. The past is the past. Back then Mr Novak was the highest power that mattered not god, him. Church still gave Cas hope, however small, it was still hope. Sunday service just seemed to calm his soul slightly. Cas couldn't go anymore, he didn't want to. Ever since the news of the incident got out he kept getting, looks. Mr Novak was well liked and respected in the church community, the news of his 'antics' didn't go down well. When Cas though about it, it did hurt him knowing that even when the one person that destroyed his faith and took all means of hope from him, even after he went away he was still managing to affect his life. Just like he had always done. But Cas didn't seem to care right now, because he couldn't think of anywhere he would rather be, then where in was, in Dean's arms in bed.

Cas lay in Dean's arms that morning listening to the sounds of his lover dream, rhythmically breathing and Cas listened to his heart. He didn't have the heart to wake him, when he realised he needed to go to the toilet, which fortunately was right next door, but it was risky considering was wasn't supposed to be there. Thankfully it was only nine which on a Sunday might as well be five in the morning, so Cas quickly ran to the bathroom and back successfully unseen in four minutes, looking back he probably should have at least put his trousers on but that would have prevented him from getting straight back into bed. Cas quietly re-entered the room and carefully climbing into bed, pressing his bare chest against Dean's as he curled up to him, Dean arms sleeping folded around the boy.

"You were gone too long." The sleepy boy told him with his eyes still closed.

"I'm back now." Cas spoke as he nuzzled into the boy..

"Don't think your leaving again. Not for the whole day, not ever." Cas smiled into Dean's chest as he kissing his warm skin in response before they dozed back into sleep. After a few hours of dozing Dean sleepily opened his slightly hazy green eyes, best nights sleep ever he thought as he looked down at see Cas still dreaming.

A warm smile appeared on his smile as he watched the boy gently breathe and eye lashes softly flutter. Dean slowly manoeuvred Cas onto his back, and started softly kissing his chest. Deans already hard cock was twitching like crazy as the still sleeping boy beneath him started to 'uh' and 'hmm' at Dean's touch. Dean lent on his hands either side of the sleeping boy's body, Dean lowered his body so close to Cas' that he could feel the heat from their skin, body's were so close to touching the little hairs on his arms stood up with anticipation for contact. Dean moved so he was on one side, he knew that if he was on top of Cas for much longer he wouldn't be able to stop himself form pinning the boy down. Dean marvelled at Cas' smooth firm bare chest as he ran his fingers up and down. After a few moments Dean moved forward so his lips were mere cm's from Cas' neck.

"I love you." He whispered be licking the length of Cas' warm neck, a gasp escaped Cas' dry lips as he still continued to dream,

The eager boy continued to plant kisses down the boys neck, he was planning on soft kisses to kiss him awake but he had to close his eyes as waves of pleasure hit him as he heard the sounds escaping Cas' mouth. Dean he was so horny, it was all he could do not to rip his boxers off. Then something happened that nearly made Dean cum right there, Cas 'subconsciously' brought his right hand to his own dick, Dean hadn't realised till now just how hard it was. Dean watched in fascination as the boy slightly stroked his length through his boxers.

Was Cas awake? Was he teasing him? Dean should have been asking these questions but he was too distracted, he kissed and licked Cas stomach as he watched Cas' movements, as he traced his hips bones with his tongue which made Cas moan Dean's name. Oh. My. God. Dean was just about to loose all control, he had to do something. The hand Dean was not leaning on, went into his own boxers and he began to pump, moaning and grunting as continued to kiss Cas' hot body.

Honestly he felt a little like a perv, but that feeling soon went when he saw I subtle smile on Cas' lips, Dean licked Cas' neck again and whispered, "your such a fucking tease." The smile on Cas' lips grew slightly. Though he didn't speak or open his eyes, instead he let out a moaned that gave Dean tingles. Dean crushed his lips fiercely against his, wrapping his arms around the 'sleeping' boy who did the same and pulled Dean on top of him.

"fuck Cas, your so god dam hot." Dean whispered into Cas' ear before he sucked the lobe, making Dean; "UH" when Cas grinded his hips creating friction between the two hard cocks. "uh, don't Cas." Dean warned the boy and he lent back and kneeled on the bed, wishing he didn't have too. Cas finally looked up at Dean, he looked up with the best innocent eyes he could manage though they were still plagued with lust. Cas put his legs either side on Dean and slid onto his lap and whispered into his ear.

"Why?" Dean physically shock with the restraint he used to keep him from pouncing.

"Cas don't do this to me." Dean pleaded. Cas kissed Dean neck as the boy trembled as he felt Cas' wet full lips caress his skin. "Uh!" he continued to moan as Cas continued to kiss, lick and nip at his warm heated skin. There eyes locked for a second just as Cas and Dean's cock made contact again, shooting shivers of pleasure though Dean, he couldn't handle it anymore. He practically growled as he grabbed Castiel, pulled him closer to him on his lap and he basically through the boy on the mattress and started to devour his lips as Cas' legs wrapped tightly around Dean's waist.

His hands groped at skin and pulled Cas impossibly closer. Dean's hand reached for Cas' cock. Cas stopped kissing the boy and looked into his eyes, Dean suddenly felt stupid he hated Cas shrinking away from him when he went too far, although he hated it, it was Cas that was teasing him driving him to this and now he's going to get knocked down. What did happen was unbelievable, Cas lent in and licked the length of Dean's neck and ran his fingers down the hand Dean still had on his cock, even though this was a full on invitation to continue, Dean still double checked not wanting to push it, just in case.

"Are, are you sure?" Cas decided the best way to answer that question was to, thrust into Dean's hand, as he slicked his hand down Dean's boxers- which had Dean almost scream in pleasure, especially as Cas then proceeded to lick Dean neck again and so seductively.

Dean pushed Cas back down don't the mattress and began pumping, soft and slow as first he wanted to memorize all the little faces he pulled. When Cas wanted more, needed more. He pumped harder on the other boys cock, Dean did the same to Cas'.

Wave after wave pf pleasure hit Cas again and again, he sank down a little on the mattress and began to bite and suck at deans chest, as well as scratching his creamy unmarked back, both boys were moaning in pleasure, as they rocked together, Dean's mouth never leaving Cas' skin only for the moment when he moaned him pleasure. Cas started to feel his orgasm pool in his abdomen, Dean saw how close Cas was, so took Cas' hand away from his throbbing cock and put both his hands above his hand and held them in place with one hand and pumped with the other.

"Dean…fuck….uh…please….Dean…" sentences were lost to Castiel, his mind was buzzing and limbs jerking slightly.

"Let it go Cas, let it come. I've got you It's okay." Cas seemed to relax at this and nodded as Dean started placing feather light kisses over his neck. Cas lost all control when he heard Dean whisper into his ear. "Cum for me Cas, I want it, I want to taste you baby. " that tipped the Cas over the edge, just as Dean spoke those words he sharply twisted his wrist than crushed his lips to Cas', he came into Dean's hand and he moaned loudly biting down through his orgasm, which meant biting down on Dean's lip.

It wasn't until Dean had stopped pumping Cas though his orgasm did Cas let go of his lips and fall against the mattress out of breath and tasting, blood? Cas panted as he looked up at the boy, Dean was smile as his red lips glistened, red lips?

"Oh god, Dean I'm so sorry." Dean smirked as wiped the blood away revealing small indents on his lips from Cas' teeth. Dean raised his hand that was covered in Castiel's seed, he put his tongue to his wet fingers and licked it all of, keeping eye contacted with his lover at the same time. Cas watched in fascination, his cock was fully hard after watching deans actions, it was so hot.

"You taste good."

"Oh god Dean." This time when Cas said it, the words weren't soaked in quilt but pleasure, he wasn't apologising he was begging Dean to touch him. Dean smirked and lowered himself gently pressed his lips to Cas' before laying against Cas' chest. Cas lay with Dean in his arms, he felt as if he hadn't come down from his orgasm yet he was still flying. The boy was spent as he cradled his lover in his arms, he kissed deans slightly damp hair before gently speaking. "I'm sorry about your lip." Cas said as he grazed his fingers up and down deans back, it was lumpy and hot, Cas looked and apologised for that too.

"You know Cas, you're an animal in the sack, you that?"

"You love it." They both laughed, he really did. Dean nuzzled in Cas' chest as Cas gently played with his hair, they laid in comfortable silence for a while, listening to the other breathe. "Dean?"

"hmm." Dean hummed as he kissed Cas' chest.

"I was thinking,"

"Spit it out Cas."

"Couldn't we, come out. I mean after everything that's happened, after Bolly nearly. We could deal."

"You want to go public?"

"Well, all my family already know, so does Mark and Sam and maybe if,"

"It's not that simple"

"Why not?" Dean turned and started to kiss Cas' chest, leaving wet red lips marks as he went, Dean kissed up Cas' chest up his neck and gently kissed his lips.

"It's, its complicated." Dean whispered, Cas cupped Dean's cheeks and looked into Dean's eyes, lips inches apart.

"It doesn't have to be." Cas told him, they both slowly started to moved forward, just as the skin of their lips touched the door swung open with a loud bang.

* * *

Dean jumped of Castiel and stared at the intruder, shit. Dean went red, very red, as both boys covered their bare chests with blanket. Castiel instantly wished he remembered to lock the door when he went to the bathroom, shit. John looked from boy to boy; he looked at Dean, in bed seemingly naked, with Castiel in bed with the same lack of clothes, together.

"Sorry, erm I, err should have knocked." John stumbled over his words before leaving the room and shutting the door before him.

Dean jumped out of bed, completely mortified.

"great, just great." Dean mumbled to himself.

"Dean you know maybe its not such a bad thing."

"Stay here." Dean commanded before dashing out the room after his father, needing to explain. Dean didn't bother to put any clothes on and ran out of the room in his boxers. Cas quickly gathered his stuff and shoved some clothes on before he followed Dean out of the room.

"Dad please let me explain." Dean pleaded as he ran down the stairs to join his dad in the living room. John turned but Dean couldn't meet his eye, the man looked flustered.

"There's no need, I think I get the picture." John patted his son on the shoulder and gave him a weak smile.

"No you don't, you don't." Dean quickly shouted.

"So I didn't just walk in on you and Castiel in bed together, that you don't have a love bite on you chest, a bloodied lip?" John turned his boy around a little when his back caught his eye, Dean instantly wished he put some clothes on. he saw his dads eyes widen slightly. "Wow, and scratches on your back. Cas did that?" john had to ask, cas the shy reserved boy did all that damage, John didnt want to admit it felt werid thinking it but he was slightly imoressed with the kid.

"Yes but. It's not." Dean looked close to tears and Johns heart pulled and twisted to see his son so scared.

"Dean it's okay, It was just a bit of a shock, go get dressed and we'll talk."

"No there's nothing to talk about, it's nothing, it's not what it looks like."

"How can you say that?" Cas asked slightly shocked at Dean denial and completely heart broken.

"No, its, I'm," Dean looked like a rabbit caught in the head lights as he looked from his dad to his boyfriend and back.

"Dean, I hope I raised you better than to lye to me. Are you gay?" the boy was silent, he couldn't say it, couldn't admit it, Cas couldn't believe it.

"Dean?" Cas was now by deans side as he gently spoke pulling Dean back.

"What do you think dad." He snapped.

"Is that a yes." John persisted he needed to hear Dean say it, Dean needed to hear himself say it.

"Yes! Yes it's a yes okay, yes!" Tears started to fall down Dean's cheeks as he shouted at the others in the room.

"Why are you so angry?" Cas asked was Dean this ashamed this angry at himself, at Cas for feeling the way he did.

"It's okay son."

"No! no it's not, how can you say this is okay!"

"Dean, it's okay I'm not mad."

"Well you should be! How is this okay!" Dean shouted back gesturing to him and Cas.

"Dean, why are you saying these things." Cas wheezed out, feeling as though there was a vice around his heart and it was squeezing harder and harder. "are you really that ashamed to be gay? Are you that ashamed of me?" tears were flowing down the boys hot cheeks. Deans heart sank he hated seeing Cas so upset, but could he deny it. He loved Cas but he didn't wanted every one to know, he wanted to keep it a secret, but why? Dean was confused but one thing was clear, Cas was crying, this was not good. He opened his mouth to speak but Cas raised his hand to stop him. "save it Dean, you've said enough." Cas ran out of the house in tears, how did things go from heaven in bed to this in such a short amount of time. Dean wanted to run after him but John held him back.

"Best to leave him right now Dean."

"I have to speak to him."

"Let him calm down and think things over, trust me." Dean nodded and he started to walk to the kitchen, indicating to his son to follow "Come on, you and me should talk." John told his eldest Dean just stood there and shrugged.

"No." he choked out through the silent tears.

"Dean that's not a question."

"There's nothing I can say that you don't already know, there's nothing I can say to make this okay."

"It is okay Dean, there's nothing wrong with being gay, you know that right?" Dean's silence broke John's heart, his son looked to meek and small right round, John wrapped his big arms around his son, who instantly burst into tears. "It's okay, you come to me when you need to talk Dean, I will always be here. I am your father and I love you no matter what." At hearing those words Dean put his arms around his father and held him tight needing to hear, to feel like accepted and he was, just not by himself.

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**please reiview :D**


	27. Chapter 27

**yay so my exams are over, so i will have more time to write :D**

**okay enjoy the chapter- sorry tis a little short :3**

**WARNINGS for more trouble ahead =/**

**this chapter is the night after john walked in on the boys, dean denies them and reveals how ashamed he secretly is and cas storms out, its midnight now and cas comes to the winchester house to talk things out with dean.**

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It had just gone midnight and the Winchester house was silent, Sam tried his best not to change that by keeping his documentary volume low, yes it was educational and yes he is the biggest geek he knows. Just as the credits started to roll there was a loud bang on the front door, which nearly made Sam fall of the sofa he jumped so high. A few seconds later there was another bang, curiosity seemed to over take the boy as he got to his feet, it wasn't like it was going to be anything bad, yes it was late but what self respecting burglar knocks? what's the worst that can happen?

Sam got up and reached for the handle just as he touched the cold metal another bang echoed through the otherwise quiet house. Sam slowly opened the door and a teenage boy, with creased clothes and messed up hair fell into the house.

"Castiel?" Castiel ended up on his knees, he heard his name and his head shot up, with so much force he toppled backwards slightly, he poor boy slurred and mumbled as he stood up.

"I made it up your path, it's long your path."

"Are you, drunk?" Sam asked looking at how disoriented the boy was.

"No." Cas bellowed sternly before falling into the back of the sofa slightly and used it to hold himself up. "Yes."

"What the hell happened?"

"I found the liquor store."

"And?"

"And I drank it!" Cas turned and started to walk towards Sam as best he could without wobbling so much. Castiel spoke through sudden unshed tears. "I want to see Dean."

"Are you alright man?"

"Don't ask stupid questions." Castiel growled into Sam ear before stumbling towards the stairs, falling at the first step. Sam gently took hold of Cas.

"It's alright man." Sam spoke soothingly hating to see the usually strong and reserved boy, coming undone looking so helpless. Sam put the drunken mess onto the sofa. "I'll just put you down yeah."

"Dean?" Cas shouted, Sam sat down trying his best to keep him quiet, his sleeping family would not appreciate such a sudden wake up call.

"Yeah, sure. Just keep quiet." Cas let his heavy dizzy head fall to Sam shoulder as he breathed out,

"Dean."

"whoa Cas easy does it yeah." Sam told the boy, not expecting the sudden weight to hit him. Castiel slowly moved his head up, so he was staring into the boys eyes, lips inches from the other, a lump was caught in Sam's throat and he physically couldn't look away.

Before Sam could construct a logical thought Castiel drunkenly pressed his lips to Sam's. Sam instinctively pushed away, out of breath and mind racing. Castiel started sobbing again.

"Dean please. I'm sorry for storming out. Can't we got go back to this morning." Cas sniffed and then very sloppily got onto the very uneasy Sam, Cas was straddling what he thought was Dean, he bent down and kissed and licked Sam's neck, making the boy shudder but he didn't push away, the feeling was knew and electric, is this what it was supposed to feel like?

Cas started to whisper into his ear, words that made Sam blush and really, really want to give in. "Lets go back to this morning, when we were naked and hot, hmm, let me touch you again feel you. Come on I want to taste you. Take me upstairs lover." Sam dry swallowed and looked at the boy as he sat back. What was happening? Sam's eyes caught Cas', the drunken boys eyes were dark lustful and very uncoordinated, Sam weren't much better. "Your eyes..." Cas whispered sounding a little flushed. Cas loves Dean's eyes Dean's greeny brown eyes, these eyes were brown, like a puppy. Before Cas could continue Sam lunged forward flipped the boy over and devoured his lips. Cas' thoughts of eyes left his light buzzing head, as he felt soft lips on his and hungry and eager as he felt.

"You taste of mint..." Cas told the boy as he licked his neck, causing Sam to shiver and moaning. Cas got hold of Sam hair and pulled his into a passionate fiery kiss, "you have long hair." Cas told him though the kiss. Cas somehow in his drunken state managed to manoeuvre himself back to straddling to boy, eyes still closed he placed kissed all over Sam's neck and the top of his chest. "you feel…" the confusion in his voice was eminent, this was Dean but it didn't feel like Dean. Sam suddenly fearful Cas would leave or realise his mistake, kissed Cas again, Cas kissed back as he ran a hand down the boys cheek as they pulled away Cas looked at the being in front of him, Sam flipped the boy over again holding him close to his heated body, Cas still trying to focus on the person on top of him. Sam started to kiss Cas, his neck his chest, the boys hands were inside Cas' shirt as Cas moaned at the contact. "Hmmm. Dean." Sam stopped when he heard his brothers name, what was he doing?

"Castiel." Sam spoke as he lifted his head to their faces were inches apart. Cas' eyes hardened, Castiel? Since when did Dean call him that.

"S, s, Sam?" Cas whispered as he traced the out side of the boys face.

"Castiel." Sam repeated sounding as guilty as hell, not to guilty because he then darted to Cas again wanted to feel those lips on his.

"What are you doing!" Cas whispered as he pushed the boy off, Sam came back grabbing his leg making him tingle, he continued to try to stop the boy but he was drunk and Sam was strong, soon Sam had the boy pinned to the sofa. After a few moments Sam let out a moan as he started to undo cas shirt taking in the sight before him, he licked cas' nipples making him unintentialy moan, Sam sat up taking in the sight, cas was near enough passed out, he felt so guilty but not so much to stop, he was caught up in the moment. Before did anything else he felt a fist making hard contact with the side of his face. Cas watched as the boy sat fell to the floor.

Cas looked up and Dean was standing there, how long was he there for? His fist's still clenched, tears streaming down his red angry and heartbroken face. Cas tried to speak, but he was just about ready to throw up, he look from Sam to Dean, then to himself and he realised to shirt was unbuttoned and quickly wrapped it around himself to cover his naked chest. Tears were forming in Cas' eyes and Dean dead stared at him.

Cas opened his mouth to speak just as Dean turned and stormed out the room, out the house, into his car and drove down the road, needing to get away go anywhere away from Castiel and away from his brother, he was ready to kill them both. Cas stood as fast as he could and ran outside after him, he ran to the tree near the road just in time to see the impala speeding down the road. Cas hopelessly shouted for his love, still confused still dizzy on his feet but he knew he was about to loose the best thing in his life.

"Dean! DEAN!" as he watched the impala turned the corner he let out a gut wrenching scream as he falling to his knees, grabbing the tree to stay upright as he cried his drunken eyes out.

* * *

**remember the part where sam watched the two kissing in the front of the impala, and how he started to like watching-and listening and started to ask himself what kissing a guy would be like, that comes out here, it did have a part to play lol**

**i know sam shouldnt have done this but i cant help feel sorry for the confused boy and poor cas a total mess lol oh and Dean not get me started on how bad i felt for Dean as I wrote this :'( casue its like the ultimate betrayel, your boyfriend and your brother but being Dean and being this distressed i doubt he is about to make any sensiable decisions ='/**

**anyway please review and tell me what you think :D xxxx**


	28. Chapter 28

**After Dean storms out- the morning after :O lol**

**sorry if there are any mistakes in spelling or grammar.**

**hope you enjoy, oh and thank you for the reviews i really means alot xx**

* * *

The next thing Dean can remember is waking up on Monday morning, instantly making the decision not go to school, he felt horrible, his head was throbbing as his stomach turned and the car spun, car? Dean forgot were he was and took him a while to realise that he woke up in the beck seat of the impala.

Not only did he wake up in the impala, he woke up shirtless with a used condom still on and a lacy purple thong in his hand. Dean's mind was groggy he could remember anything past seeing his brother and Cas on the sofa, just the thought of it made him want to cry.

Dean ripped the condom of and chucked it out the window, he put 'himself' away and put his clothes on before he climbed into the front. The clanking of empty bottles, told Dean why he couldn't remember and why he has the worlds worst hangover. To make matters even worse and to add to the confusion, Dean spotted a napkin on the dash board it was written in lipstick.

'_had fun, lets do it again some time x chastity x'_ not forgetting the kiss stain in the corner.

"oh god, oh god, oh god." Dean mumbled over and over to himself, up to this point he was fooling himself that nothing happened that he just masturbated into a condom as he held some underwear he found, it's plausible. Not for many people but for Dean it was possible though this, him being with someone else in a state of drunken rage sounded more like him, unfortunately.

Dean started to cry he felt horrible, not just because he was hanging like had never been before but because of the mystery of what he did, what he must have done. He didn't even remember what the woman looks like, whether it was a woman. Dean's eyes were drawn to the bottom of the napkin were it had written _'0445 975 294'_

"Shit." Dean knows what he did, but it's something that has to come from the horses mouth, so to speak so he phoned up the Chastity and arranged to go for coffee.

As he expected she was tall, thin, blonde, big boobed and so boring a complete air head, with the most ironic name anyone could have, ever and most defonatly a woman, Dean couldn't decide whether this was a good or bad thing. They met and sat outside a near by café with the drinks Dean brought, Chastity had one of those complicated long winded coffee names that taste like shit, whilst Dean had a glass of milk (because it's the best thing for a hangover.)

"It's good to see you again sugar." The girl cheerfully told him in her Texas accent as she had a sip of her free drink. He smiled politely at her but honestly had no idea who she was, Dean had a suspicion she got this a lot because she seemed to recognise the look Dean was sporting. "You don't remember me do you."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"No, no its not I should have taken advantage of you."

"Advantage of me? Honey look at me, I ain't exactly virgin white, beside it was me that took advantage you were so drunk."

"I can tell." Dean gestured to his head that was throbbing, "Could you, fill in the blanks for me."

"Sure, what's fuzzy?"

"Everything, I don't even remember starting to drink." After a very girly giggle chastity nodded and began.

"Okay, well. We met at a bar, your obviously not 21 so I was impressed you got in and you caught my attention, mostly because you were Broody and mysterious but very angry, in a kind of hot way. You can tell the kind of guys I go for. Anyway we started talking and you kept drinking and viola 9 hours later here we are."

"did we?"

"fucked like animals in the back of you car?" Dean hated having to ask this question but the answer he got was not the one he would have put money on. "No, we fooled around I suck you off and you, well the things you can do with your tongue. But then you passed out."

"but the condom was…"

"oh I gave you a blowie when you had it on, I hate the taste of cum."

"hmm." Dean nodded everything seem so surreal like a bad dream, then a horribly cold laugh escaped the woman's lips.

"I'm kidding, jeez you really don't remember huh? We did do it, and don't worry, it was good."

Dean was certain he was still drunk a little every thing was spinning, though that could be the effect having your world collapse around you has, what was he going to do? after he discreetly wiping away a tear from the corner of his left eye he glanced up at the women and noticed her incredibly short shirt and obviously fake boobs, and suddenly the thought struck his mind, shit.

"Did I pay you?"

"Sweetie I'm not a hooker, we just hooked up. A little offended not gonna lye."

"Sorry." Dean felt like a dick, fortunately Chastity didn't seem to take it to heart and after a few moments of silence laughed to her self. After a moment in silence where the two drank their beverages, chastity remembered something that could be important from last night.

"There was one thing, as we were you know, you kept saying the name 'Cas' at least I think it's a name."

"It is."

"Who's that? Your girlfriend?" she asked sounding a little pissed but really not that much like she didn't really care much, she had obviously done this song and dance before.

"No actually, he's. Kind of my boyfriend." Chastity's eyes widened and nearly spat out her drink.

"What! Your gay!"

"No." Dean instinctively answered under the gaze if the pissed of stranger in front of him, not to mention the few on lookers that heard the girls outburst. After a second to think a small smile graced his lips and he seemed to have a moment of clarity as he corrected himself. "Actually yeah. Yeah I am."

"Than what the fuck was last night! That's disgusting!"

"Being gays disgusting?"

"No, you are you dick! If you had a girlfriend fine I could deal, people make mistakes especially drunk. But you! What you did was unforgivable. You didn't just make a mistake, you're gay, you don't want to have sex with me, what you did was planned, for what? Get back at the poor guy you were so obviously pissed at and in the worst way possible! It's cruel Dean, You're a complete bastard." Chastity stood and threw a few dollar bills onto the table not wanting to except the drink he brought her, angry tears filled her eyes are her spat out before storming off. "He deserves better."

* * *

Dean was left on his own, his hand fell into his hands as his elbows rested onto the table as his mind lingered on the last thing chastity had said. "I know." Dean whispered to himself more than anything. Dean didn't know what to think, what to feel and had no idea where he was supposed to go from here. He knew he had to fix things with Cas, but where to start. Dean had to try, he just hoped things weren't broken beyond repair, because he did love Castiel he did, completely. Without Cas there was no Dean. He just hoped he knew it.

Dean got up from his seat and fisted the money Chastity threw at him into his pocket, he looked up to find two women staring at him, they were obviously looking down there nose at him, there was hate in their eyes. "What!" he shouted at them, who instantly looked down without a word.

Dean ran back to his car after that and drove around, he stopped at a small ally way. It was nothing special just an average dirt smelly ally, large enough for a car, for an impala to hide and block out the world for a while. Dean and Cas shared stolen moments of joy here, what seemed so long ago. To Dean this ally was heaven, but to Dean this ally was also hell. All those bitter sweet memories, the feel, touch and smell of Cas all those memories that can't come again. Dean knew Cas had known so much betrayal, Dean didn't know how he could be forgiven, he shouldn't be forgiven.

He sat in the impala and cried, cried until his eyes hurt and he had no more tears to shed. When Dean checked the time, school was out, Sam was home. The emptiness Dean was feeling, the hurt and the loss all turned sour, all turned to anger. Sam. Dean started the engine again and made for home.

* * *

Dean pulled up into the drive and stormed into the house, great Dean though his mum and dad were standing in the living room, he spotted Sam at the stairs and he felt his body explode with anger.

"Where have you been Dean!" John shouted, knowing he skipped school. "were you with Castiel?" Dean ignored his father, even though the name of his beloved cut into his stomach like ten rusty knives. Dean went straight to Sam, who was physically cowering from his big brother. Before Mary or John could say anything Dean grabbed Sam by his shirt and slammed him hard against the wall, now holding his neck, tear instantly started to pour from Sam. "I'm sorry, Dean please. I'm sorry, so sorry. Please let me go."

"Dean!" Mary yelled as John came over and dragged his eldest away. "What has happened between you two?"

"Go on Sam, you tell them huh. Tell them what you did, what you took from me." John looked puzzled as he looked down at the boy in was restraining there was fire in his eyes, real anger, what had his youngest done. Mary stood in front of Sam as stroked his face.

"Sam, tell me." Sam was shaking as he sobbed out words neither John nor Mary expected.

"I kissed Cas."

"What?" both Mary and John asked in unison neither really believing they heard right. In all the confusion John's grip slipped and Dean got free and rammed his fist straight into Sam's stomach, the boy fell to the floor as he kept apologising as he took deep breaths to weep. John quickly grabbed Dean again as he violently struggled against his fathers strength, Mary cradling Sam who was now finding it difficult to breathe.

"You kissed him? you did more than that Sam! You were both rolling around on the sofa together!" Dean started sobbing against using John as a means to keep upright as he wheezed out on more word. "why?"

"I don't know, I guess I wanted to know what it feels like."

"Not good enough Sam. You've destroyed my life." Dean shouted as he tried to charge again for the boy sitting on the floor leaning against the wall still clutching his stomach as his mother silently cried.

"I don't know Dean! It's that recently I've been thinking that," Dean didn't have to hear anymore he knew what was coming.

"Let me guess! You think I haven't noticed the way you stare at me and Cas in the ally! The way you drool! Get some other guy, why does it have to be him! I had one thing Sam, one thing that was mine, why did you have to take him from me?" Dean sobbed out the last line he was hardly audible anymore, though he still struggled against John for freedom deans attempts became slightly pathetic. Sam managed to stand though still in pain he had to tell Dean the truth. Sam knew he was about to say good bye to his brother forever but it had to be said, Dean had to know, if just to make himself feel better.

"I haven't taken anything Dean, he wants you. He was drunk, completely pissed and thought I was you. When he realised I wasn't he tried to..."

"Tried to what?" Dean asked in a pathetic mousey whisper throat raw from the crying and shouting. He had settled down slightly too using John more as a leaning post, feeling to exhausted to stand completely on his own.

"Get away." Sam wheezed out as he looked to the ceiling he couldn't hold anyone's gaze he felt to ashamed.

"What?"

"I don't know, that's just what they do in like TV shows and that, I was just really wanted too."

"Sam, what did you do?" Dean asked suddenly extremely tense.

"I pinned him down, so he wouldn't leave."

"I going to kill you!" Dean shouted as he tried to lunge forward again, catching John of guard Dean managed to grab Sam shirt before he was pulled of, but still managed to leave a red mark on his neck from the cotton.

"He wants you Dean, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just made a mistake." Sam sobbed to his brother as he held his neck.

"Not about, that you bastard! He must have been terrified, you complete asshole!" everyone in the room was now confused and looked at Dean wanted to know more, Sam silence irritated him so he continued top shout at his younger brother. "You don't get it do you! After everything he's been though with his dad and you do that!"

"I didn't hit him or anything, It's not like I was going to rape him, and it's not like he raped him."

"Not Cas no, just Balthazar and Michael. I mean forcing Cas to give head isn't exactly rape. But its close enough!" Dean shouted louder than before, fresh anger washing over him as tears started to fall again, Sam's mouth fell open he didn't know what to say. Dean froze as his eyes widened hardly believing he just said that. He could feel his parent's eyes burning into him.

"Dean?" John asked voice trembling a little.

"Sweetie is that true and don't lye." Mary told her son as softly as she could.

"You think I'm going to make that up? That man repetitively beat and raped his sons." Dean's gaze fell as he thought to how scared and hopeless Cas felt. "I couldn't help him." Dean whispered more to himself. Sam's voice snapping him back.

"Dean, I'm so…"

"I swear to god Sam, if you say you're sorry I will kill you." Dean death glared Sam, until Mary put her arm around her youngest and took him into the other room, as Sam walked past in a very cold tone Dean told his brother. "I will never forgive you for this Sam." John's stomach churned as he heard the hate in his brothers voice. Soon he felt his sons muscles untense and risked letting him go. Dean knew there was a reason he was leaning on his dad, as soon as he had to stand on his own he collapsed to the floor, crying unable to stop, again, soon it turned to tearless heart breathing sobs. Remembering what chastity had told him, what he had done; guilt washed over him, completely took over every other thought or emotion. "I will never forgive myself for this."

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**I know, stupid Dean; takes a bad situation and makes it worse lol i know Sam is in the wrong but i couldnt help feeling sorry for him.**

**Please review and tell me what you think :3 xxx**


	29. Chapter 29

**Hope you enjoy, usual warnings for spelling and grammar :')**

**Oh and there will be about three more chapters after this one xx**

* * *

Cas sat in bed all Monday, he didn't say a word and Michael didn't force him. being the big brother he was he did worry a lot. He took the day of work and kept Cas' door open so he could keep an eye on the kid. Ever so often Cas listen to the voice mail a very drunk Dean had left him last night. _'you get with my brother, go to first base second hell probably all the fucking way with him and I'm not even allowed to touch you for that long! Fuck you bitch!' _Every time he wished he hadn't listened to it, but he kept going back to it. More than anything it was to hear his voice, though it didn't have much comfort. Every few hours or so Michael came in with a glass of water, once or twice a bit of food but Cas didn't touch it. It was six o'clock now and Michael had been patient all day. The police phoned so he had most of the information, but he needed to hear it from Cas get the full picture.

"Castiel." He softly said as he perched on the side of his bed. "Cas the police phoned. It is true what they said." Cas nodded but said nothing. "You want to talk about it?" Cas shook his head. "At least let me put something on those cuts, they look awful." Cas didn't say anything, he moved instead, crawling out of the cover and laid like a cat half on Michaels lap as he cried, Michael comforting the boy as he trembled and sobbed. This was going to be a long night he thought.

* * *

Castiel woke up Tuesday morning still being held by Michael, he felt protected, it was a good feeling. After waking Michael they ate breakfast after another phone call to work Michael had another day off. Instead of driving Cas to school. Michael was driving to the police station; he had a statement to give.

Dean woke up Tuesday feeling sick to his stomach with worry, he was going to school today, he was going to see Cas today. He had been phoning and texting Cas all day yesterday but got no response so decided to risk it and go to pick him up. He got ready and came down stairs keys in hand. He shot a glance to Sam.

"Don't even think about getting a lift from me." Dean announced to the room in a harsh cold tone and put a knot in Sam's stomach, John stood up and told his son that.

"Well if your not going to take Sam, there's no point in driving,so there's no point in having a car, period." Dean guessed this was supposed to be a threat but really Dean didn't care, if it meant being away from Sam.

"Fine, I'll walk." Dean told his father after he tossed him the keys. John rolled his eyes and called after his son just as Dean got to the door.

"Wait, don't be stupid, here." John threw the keys back after a quick glance to his mum and dad he left the house leaving Sam to mope into his cereal. John figured he could hardly blame Dean for behaving how he was, so took it on himself to take Sam to school for the foreseeable future.

Dean hopped into his car and sped of, nervous as he was, he couldn't wait to see Castiel, he missed him though was sure he would break his heart once the truth was known. Dean got to Michael's place just in time to see Cas about to climb into his brother's car, his eyes puffy his face scratched and bruised. Dean's heart both sunk and broke at the same time as it started to beat a mile a minute when he saw Cas like that. Cas looked over as he opened the door, blue eyes shoot into Dean's green ones, the gaze was heavy and awkward both reeling in guilt from their actions on Sunday. Without a word or a smile Cas got into Michaels car and drove off leaving Dean feeling deflated. He assumed Michael was driving his brother to school, he was wrong. Michael turned to go to the opposite direction. A confused Dean pulled out his phone when he got to school and park and dialled for Cas, voice mail.

"Dammit." Dean mumbled as he went to class, he tried to call Cas after each class and non stop through lunch, not caring that he was now reaching stalker territory.

"Hey man, you alright?" Jo asked clipping him on the shoulder at the end of the day as he got out his last class.

"I'm fine Jo." He told her not looking her in the eye.

"really? Because you don't seem yourself, neither you nor Cas do." Chuck interupted standing behind Jo, holding Becki's hand.

"we're fine." Dean snapped at his friends and felt bad about hit instantly it wasn't their fault.

"I'm just trying to be a friend okay we all are, you and Cas have been acting, strange. We've all noticed." Jo said gestured to the two behind herwho nodded. Jo stopped and took a breath before she asked the next question. "Is it his dad?"

"I don't want to talk about that Jo. Please." the girl nodded and Becky reassured Dean.

"You know we're here if you need us right?"

"Thank you." They gave each other weak smiles before Jo squeezed his arm and they all left him alone, Dean instantly turned and bolted out the door and towards the impala. As Dean opened the car door, his eye caught Sam's who was walking with a friend, Dean gave his baby brother the meanest look he could, it was pretty bad Sam's friend had to look away, after a few moments and when Deans point was made he sped of in his car.

"What was all that about?" a shorter boy with black hair asked.

"Nothing Jim, just had a fight."

"One hell of a fight" the boy remarked before they kept on walking. Sam's heart ached he hated it went him and Dean weren't talking, they had fights before they were brothers of course they had. But this was different Dean seemed to really hate him, not that he could blame him he hated himself. The boy had to push away the tears he felt beginning to swell as he continued to talk and joke with his friend like nothing had happened.

* * *

Dean drove to Cas' things needed to be sorted, he didn't know if he could get through another day feeling the way he did. He knocked loudly, and a few moments later Cas appeared in the door way. They looked at each other and although both were in the wrong, they couldn't help but smile at the other. Dean stepped into Cas' bubble of personal space and cupped his cheek.

"What the hell happened to you?" Cas shook is head and looked away, "Cas, you gotta talk to me man."

"My father." those words hit Dean like a ton of bricks. That he was not expecting.

"What?" Cas took as step forward past Dean removing their closeness keeping his back to the boy.

"Sunday evening, after, what happened. I tried to find you. Being drunk I don't know how I managed to wined up down town in an ally but I did." Castiel spoke staring at the floor, feeling foolish and not wanting to catch Dean's eye when he came and stood next to him, "He won't be hurting anyone again."

"You killed him?" Dean blurted out and asked before he had chance to stop himself.

"You think I'm capable of murder?" Cas' eyes shot up a little surprised and offended by the accusation.

"No, well I would have after everything."

"Well I guess that's the difference between us. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it and more but, he's my father I will always love him."

"So he's,"

"In custody. He's going to prison."

"Good." a thick silence fell between them, both needed to talk and get things of their chests.

"I'm so sorry Dean."

"No, I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I want to make it right." Cas smiled faintly as he heard how sweet Dean was being, it was him that has to make things right, he turned to face the taller by, stroked his cheek and captured Dean's lips in a chaste kiss before continuing.

"What have you done? It me was that, that. I'm so sorry I thought it was you. I thought." Tears started to swell in Cas' eyes that his speech became weirdly high pitched, Dean wrapped his arm around him, for what he hoped wouldn't be the last time.

"Shhh, shhh its okay, I know I know. Look there's something I should tell you." Dean froze for a second than sighed as he held Cas by the tops of his arms and looked into those gorgeous eyes he loved so much. "but first, I just need to know, do you love me?"

"Of course Dean." Cas answer like it was the simplest question in the world and of course at that moment it was.

"I love you too, just remember that." Dean proceeded to tell Cas about Chastity, he told him everything, not wanting any secrets. When Dean had finished, he was leading against the house looking at Cas, who was leaning again his door, he had fallen silent basically as soon as Dean had started, Dean finished a few minutes and Cas still hadn't said a word. "Cas I-" Cas lifted his had to stop Dean talking, the boy was shaking he was so angry, its only now Dean realised the tears Cas was hiding.

"I swear to god Dean, if you were about to say, 'sorry' I will kill you." Dean fell silent as he watched Cas for a moment.

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't want you to say anything, you know what?" Cas looked to the boy before him and spoke coldly, in a way than gave Dean shivers, the bad kind. "I want nothing from you."

"Cas, please." Dean begged as his own tears started to fall.

"After everything we've been through, after all the pain. I thought we came out strong, I thought we had trust and loyalty, that we could handle anything, together."

"And we can,"

"No, we can't. We were never strong Dean, it was your decision to keep us quiet, even when all my family knew, when Mark and Sam knew still you refused to tell you parents. Did you honestly think your dad's reaction would be worse than mine? Even when he caught us you denied it!"

"It was just shock, he knows now, so its okay."

"It's not. You're ashamed to be gay Dean; you're ashamed of yourself, of me and how you feel. Tell me I'm wrong." There was a beat of silence before Cas continued. "I felt so bad about what I ,but I thought it was you and least I had the right gender!"

"I'm sorry." Dean sounded to meek and small compared to Cas' commanding voice as he shouted with strength he didn't know he had.

"You say your sorry and love me, but do you mean it? I can't trust anything that comes out of your mouth. Makes me wonder, would you have even told everyone at graduation? You probably would have come up with another excuse, oh wait of course you would have told them, I mean we were skipping town that night huh."

"It's not like that,"

"You're pathetic, and you know what? I deserve better than that. I never thought I was worth anything Dean, you made me realise that I am, that I owe it to myself to be happy, and that's down to you Dean, so thank you. For the first time in my life I know I deserve happiness, I deserve more. I am proud of who I am and, I deserve more than you. Goodbye Dean." Cas then went back inside the flat to cry his broken heart out, regretting his words as soon as the door was closed, he sat on the floor back up against the door, he couldn't make it to his room, his legs, everything felt weak.

"What? No, Cas, Cas! Please don't." Dean shouted and started to bang on the door, pleading for Cas to come back and for them to be alright again, he didn't know what he was supposed to do without Cas. "Please Cas! Take it back, come back to me! Don't leave Cassie, baby please, open the door! I'm not ashamed I'm not! I love you, please!"

* * *

**One last appearance of Mr Novak, he's going to prison and he's going to be someone bitch! ;P Lol though he deserve worse, maybe the prisoners will kill him :D**

**So I didn't know whether to high five Cas for getting some self worth and respect for himself or cry for Dean for loosing his love because of a few stupid mistakes. **

**Anyway, I know it looks bleak but just hold on :)**

**Please review xxx**


	30. Chapter 30

**yay! another chapter im on a roll lol :D there will be about two more chapters after this. wow chapter 30 o.0 lol xx**

**thank you to everyone that has reviewed it means a lot :3 xxx**

**enjoy and please forgive any mistakes in grammar or spelling ^_^**

* * *

Cas didn't go into the school the next day, but gathered the strength on Thursday to put in an appearance. He avoided Dean like the plague and his heart would break when ever he saw him, as did Dean's. He didn't talk to any of his friends, them being Dean's as well he assumed they would side with him, because hey it's Dean. Cas couldn't bare to see that happen and he didn't want to put his friends through that so he made it easier for them by staying away.

So it went on for a week, many times Jo, chuck and Becky have approached Cas a number of times, only to get shot down when they tried to talk to him. News soon spread about his fathers capture so assumed it something to do with that as to why he turned into a loner. Why he seemed to hate Dean and they both looked like they would cry when they saw each other was anyone's guess, even the possibility of them having a gay love affair then breaking up again never entered anyone's minds. After a week, on Friday Dean tried to speak to Cas after school, he ignored Dean and ran out of school, Dean followed and found Cas standing by a what he recognised to be Mark's car. A man got out of the car and put a hand on Cas' which broke the eye contact between the two ex lovers. It was Balthazar he had started to ride his bike again but he had to pick belle up from school first so a bike would just be dysfunctional so drive instead. Bolly couldn't believe the news of Dean's actions.

"You alright Cassie?" Bolly asked as he looked from boy to boy.

"Yeah everything's good." The man nodded though he didn't believe his baby brother. They saw Dean starting to make his way forwards them Cas tensed up completely, Balthazar stood in front of Cas in a protective manner.

"get in the car Cassie." Cas did without question, belle almost jumped through the roof and if not for her car seat she probably would have, she was so excited about seeing Cas, her 'uncle Cassie.' Since the custody went through, she calls Bolly 'dad' which warms his heart every time he hears time, he and Mark are thinking about getting Bolly to adopt her.

Dean hadn't stopped approaching and Bolly took a few steps.

"Walk away Winchester." He warned, Dean kept walking.

"Look Balthazar I just want to talk to him."

"Well he doesn't want to speak to you," Bolly took a step into deans personal space, squaring up to him faces inches apart. "So back off."

"Balthazar, please."

"I won't tell you again." Bolly warned him as he shoved him slightly, their eyes locked, Bolly's hard and serious deans were defeated and worn out. He nodded and backed up before walking of, eyeing the car as he went hoping to caught Cas' eye but his were focused completely on Belle. Jo and Becky stood at the entrance to school watching what just happened.

"what do you think that's about?" Jo asked, more to herself she knew Becki had no clue. Jo was getting impatient and was determined to get her questions answered.

* * *

It was Wednesday, two days to prom and nothing had improved between Dean and Cas and Cas has yet to speak to any of his friends. He's just glad high school is almost over he hated the seclusion he out himself in. he wasn't sure if he would be going to prom, why would he he's got no one to go with, he's got no one. After school Dean saw Cas coming from the cafeteria so decided to catch him up.

"Cas!" he shouted down the busy hall way. "Cas!" Castiel heard but hoped he would go away, he didn't. Dean caught up with him and turned him around they eyes meet and Cas' instantly started to sting.

"What?" Cas rumbled not wanted to talk to Dean in the slightest.

"I miss you." There was silence between them, Cas missed Dean too, desperately so much it hurt him, but he can't indulge those thoughts when he did he felt like he might die because he realises his heart isn't beating it was broke so much. He made a decision and he has to be strong about it. "Come back to me." Dean whispers through his tears, he goes to touch Cas' hand but the boy steps back and shakes his head.

"You know that's not going to happen."

"Please."

"Dean," Cas was stopped in his tracks by a folded piece of paper being handed to him. "What's this?" Cas asked as he opened his, when he realised what it was his stomach dropped and he body tingled as a lump formed in his throat, the letter. His letter for Dean he wrote after that kiss, game night seemed so long ago. His watery eyes scanned over the words stopping at the sentence. _'__If I can't have you as a partner I will not lose you as a friend.__' How _he wishes that were true, how he longs that he didn't have to find out it couldn't be.

"Not that long ago you wrote that for me, not that long ago you meant it. Do you still mean it?" Cas looked up from the paper, forcing himself not to care.

"Times change." He stated, unable to say much more.

"But why do we have to?" Dean pathetically asked, Cas suddenly angry but his words. Making Cas out to be the bad guy it was Dean that slept with someone else, it was Dean that ended it with his actions, not him.

"you know why." Cas spat, he looked down at the paper and tore, ripping the letter in half.

"Cas!" Dean shouted as he saw what the boy was doing, anger boiled up inside he couldn't help it, Dean's right fist hit Cas catching his right eye, Cas fell to his knees people in the corridor desperate to get home suddenly found they were in no rush as they started to watch. Cas' eyes turned cold when he came to his senses, he stood up punch Dean in the face, catching his jaw and splitting his lip, then in the stomach winding him and one more in the side on the head coursing him to hit into the lockers and fall to the ground, Dean looks up and sees Cas standing over him, fists clenched.

"Do it." He commanded through the pain, Cas looks down at him and found it possible to hit him when he seems to small and weak. He relaxes him fist, chest tightening as he looks at his handiwork. He turned as bolts out the school, not wanting anyone to see him cry.

* * *

Dean reaches out and grabs the torn latter an shoves the two pieces into his pocket as the spectators started mumbling and talking as most started to continue in their mission to get home satisfied the show was over. Just as Dean gets to his feet he is pushed into the lockers 'give me a break' he thinks, he looks up to see Jo standing in front of him, very pissed off.

"Okay what the hell is going on between you two!"

"Nothing."

"Don't give me that crap, you've been best friends for years now your fighting in the hall way!" Jo could see how hard this was for Dean and how bad he was hold himself together, the poor kid looked distraught and not because of his injuries. "Please."

"Who long have you got?"

"I've got time. Pizza?" Dean let out a little laugh before put an arm around Jo's shoulders and they left school, "Cas has got quite a punch on him." she remarked taking note of his face.

"Yeah he's sneaky that one." Dean told Jo, then looked over his friends shoulder were he spotted, Cas crying his heart sank then filled with fire when he saw who was comforting him, Sam. He caught his little brothers eye who instantly went red and let go of the boy in front of him. Dean growled as he got into the car keeping eye contract with Sam, glaring at his brother as he started the car. All the while Jo completely oblivious, as she was texting her mum, Ellen letting her know she would be late.

They got into the impala and drove to the pizza place. The two sat in the impala and ate their food in silence, when they had both finished Jo turned to Dean. "Tell me." Dean took a deep breath and nodded, he told her everything, he missed out the part about the extent of Mr Novak's abuse, that's not his story to tell but apart from that he told her everything including his plan to win him back. When he had finished she sat there in shocked silence for a few moments.

"Wow." She breathed out. "Normally I would be shouting at you for cheating but, I can see he's already done that. I can see how sorry you are. That doesn't mean I'm not mad at you but I understand."

"Thank you. Will you help me?" Jo agreed to help Dean with his plan; win back Cas. "okay what you have to do is make sure Cas goes to prom okay?"

"Okay." They talked some more, Jo wanted to know everything, well not all the sordid details but everything else. she was very understand and excepting of it, which surprised Dean but Jo told him that how is she to judge love?

* * *

The next day at lunch Jo came up the Cas, who started to walk of like he always did now, Jo ran after him and cornered him, forcing him into convocation.

"Hello Jo."

"Stop that Cas, you've been avoiding me."

"Sorry."

"What have I done?" Cas looked at her with apologetic eye, he never thought she would blame herself, he honestly thought they wouldn't miss him much.

"Nothing."

"Then why ignore me, it hurts man, we're supposed to be friends." Cas felt terrible for coursing Jo pain, he held her arm and gave it a little squeeze.

"My apologies, it wasn't my intention."

"Yeah well. You better make it up to me." she told the boy as he prodded his chest with her index finger while sporting a little smile.

"How?"

"Come prom with me."

"I wasn't going to go."

"You have to! come on its our last school dance, and I don't have a date."

"Okay, for you."

"Yay." The girl wrapped her arms around the boy, he felt a little awkward but after a second he hugged back, thankful for the gesture. "I'll drive; I'll pick you up at seven yeah?"

"Okay." Cas smiled at her and turned to leave realising their convocation was over, he didn't expect what happened next, Jo grabbed his arm and stopped him walking.

"Where do you think your going, its lunch time and your having lunch with your friends." Jo led him into the cafeteria to their usual table to join chuck and Becky that greeted him fondly, Cas was stiff and nervous as he looked around the large room. "Don't worry" Jo told him "Dean's in detention, for the fight yesterday."

"But I was the one that,"

"Well I guess he thought it was his fault." She smile once more before tucking into her food, Cas couldn't help himself not stop the little smile that crept onto his lips. Despite everything he was rather excited about the prom that night.

* * *

**please review, they make me happy lol xxx**


	31. Chapter 31

**okay so i lied, there is another chapter after these two, chapter 31 & 32 were going up as one chapter thats why i said there was only going to be this chapter and the next but the chapter grew and grew, and well i didnt want the events of this chapter over shadowing or being over shadowed by what happeneds in the next chapter, so i thought i safer to split it. Any way they are both up together so you wont have to wait and the final chapter should be up shortly- though probs not today :D**

**so anyway hope you enjoy it and please forgive any mistakes in spelling and grammer and what not lol ;D xxx**

* * *

Cas stood in his room, staring at his reflection as he ran his fingers up and down the curves of the material of his tux. The tux he brought with Dean, Dean. Cas sighed away the tears as he did the button of his jacket up. Jo pulled up outside Michael's and beeped a few times to tell him she was there, making Cas jump and taste his heart beat for a moment, he was lost in the memory of, no he wasn't thinking of him, not tonight.

"This is it." He told himself before leaving and going into the living room. All his brothers were there to meet him and stood when they saw him come in, Gabriel wolf whistled at his little brother making his other brothers laugh.

Bolly started to fill up, his baby brother going to his senior prom. He made his way to his youngest brother gave him a kiss on the forehead and pulled him into his chest in a very tight hug. After a moment he motioned to his brothers to join, although they were sharing a very loving brotherly embrace, Bolly couldn't help but cry slightly, after what happened he didn't think he would get to see Cassie go to prom, to see his brothers, this family happy and free.

Bolly didn't like to talk about his injury or coming so close to death, it scared him to the bone and now, he had a future, a good future they all did. No one said anything but there was a serious under tone to their hug, the boys knew what Bolly was feeling, they were all feeling along the same lines, though no one mentioned it.

Bolly looked up to his brothers who did the same, still with their arms around each other. "I love you guys, my brothers." Bolly told them with a gentle smile.

"We love you too man." Michael answered with a cocky smile so no one could see his own wet eyes. When the hug was over and they all stood apart Cas took a deep breath and looked to each of his brothers and smiled, he may not have Dean but he has family; brothers that love him, brothers he loves, he was lucky. Cas opened his mouth to speak when Jo started to beep again and cut him off.

"I better go, Jo's waiting." The boys nodded and watched him leave.

"Cassie." Bolly called after him, Cas turned half out the door. "Don't you like our tux's?" Cas hadn't noticed till now that all three of his elder brothers were dressed in much the same manner as him. Cas clicked and winced at the thought.

"We'll see you tonight bro." Gabriel winked as he called after him; Cas faked a smile and left the men to their laughter, _great_ he thought _chaperons, fucking marvellous_. Well at least he got to spend the night with the ones he loves, most of them, Dean.

* * *

Being gay Cas wasn't attracted to Jo but she looked hot, Cas had to admit it. Her hair was loosely styled in an up-do with a teal flower in her hair that matched her dress. Her dress was a mix between classy and slutty, most girls don't get the balance right so end up looking way to formal and well frigid but more often than not they end up look like total sluts, but Jo had the mix just right.

He greeted his friend with a kiss on the cheek before they drove to school. Prom was in the gym and was like any other prom, ever. Think of your one yeah it was like that, but to Cas and Jo and all the teenagers in at gym that night, nearly finishing high school, this being that one last hurdle to survive before graduation, showing of their dresses or finally going for that one girl they never could, yeah to these kids it was the most beautiful and magical prom ever.

formal looking tables with less than attractive decorations on them, surrounded the 'dance floor' and the speakers were being blown by some second rate DJ- who was actually not that bad at least the kids were dancing. By the time Cas and Jo came in the prom was in full swing, Chuck and Becki were already on the dance floor, getting really in it and each other. Cas watched for a few minutes he didn't really understand Becki looked a bit like she was using Chuck as a pole. It didn't matter Jo took Cas' hand gave him a wink before dragging him onto the dance floor.

The song changed and the four of them were dancing round like idiots to poker face, not caring how they looked and having fun, Cas laughed for real for the first time since Dean, Dean. Cas looked around, no sign of him and the boy wasn't sure whether he was happy or sad about that.

* * *

Castiel's eye was caught by three men coming in, his brothers. They were all in their tuxes and they were all 'strutting', smiling and having fun. Bolly and Michael stood back and were in hysterics over Gabe's well practised swagger. Cas was too happy to be embarrassed it was so good to see them happy together again, so he rolled his eyes and waved, who waved back.

They didn't stop goofing around until a teacher came up to them and reminded them of why they were there and that they were in fact adults- Gabriel almost, the brothers gave each other looks and started to get on with their 'duties'. That said teacher almost kicked Gabriel out, when many of the girls in Cas' year recognised Gabe from the year above, he was somewhat of a legend at the school, now being in college well, Gabe was more than willing to have the attention, fortunately his charms also worked with the teacher so he stayed. Michael convoscated vodka off a kid who was attempting to spike the punch well, he should have done, he sort of just watched, figuring the kids deserved a bit of fun, _wow_ he thought _I am the worst chaperon ever_, this thought did put a smile on his face.

* * *

The DJ then changed the tempo and put on a slow song. Chuck and Becki instantly throwing their arms around each other, Cas and Jo looked at each other they shrugged and stepped forward to dance. Cas was facing the door, so he saw when a figure appeared in the hall way outside, and walked into the gym, Dean. The boy's heart near enough exploded when he saw him looking so…dashing was the only word Cas could think of, his mouth was dry and palm sweaty just from one look.

"Hey," Jo whispered, "You alright?"

Cas swallowed dry and hard as he nodded and tore his eyes off Dean. Thankfully he had yet to notice him, Cas knew that if he caught his eye right now, he wouldn't have been able to function properly. During the song Cas watched out the corner of his eye the boy making his way around the dance floor and he sat at a table and watched as Cas danced.

Much to Cas' dismay he did catch Dean's eye, and it was as he feared, impossible to look away. The boys kept eye contact through the last half of the song, the tension was rife and full in the room, at least for them.

Michael noticed what was happening and stepped forward to intervene, when he felt a hand on his chest stopping him, it was Gabriel.

"He can handle it bro, he has too." Michael nodded and reluctantly stepped back next to his brother and watched the kids dance, Michael watched them differently to Gabriel, Gabe he was watching different things, after all he was a teenage boy.

* * *

As the song started to come to an end Dean left his seat and began to move, for a split second Cas' heart leapt thinking he was walking towards him, but he wasn't he went in the opposite direction and his heart sank again, not that he cared. Cas lost Dean in the crowd after a few moments he lost the boy he wasn't supposed to be looking for. Dean was making his way to the stage, he got to the steps and _'shit'_ he thought Bolly was standing by them, he had to get past, somehow.

"What are you doing here Dean?" Balthazar asked trying to sound neutral as this was after all his prom too but there was anger in his voice and Dean knew he meant more than his location at that moment.

"I need to get past."

"No." Bolly told him with a slight chuckle in his voice. "What are you even doing _here_?"

"It's my prom."

"It's Cassie's too, he can't be happy if you're here."

"Why do you think he's with our friends, why I haven't spoken to him. Look Balthazar I love your brother, if you let me past I'll prove it. Then if Cas wants it I will leave and I wont come near any of you again. That's fair right?"

"You were like family once."

"Not that long ago dude. Come on man." Balthazar was silent for a moment contemplating his options.

"Dude!" came a voice above Bolly making him jump. "Dean yo man, are you ready?" asked the DJ, Dean looked to Bolly who stared back for a second, he did see something in those dark green eyes of his, maybe Dean should give it a shot. Bolly nodded and stepped out the way, Dean patted him of the shoulder as he want past. The older man grabbed Dean's arm causing him to turn.

"Just don't fuck it up."

"I won't."

"-or sing." Dean laughed as he went to the DJ's docks, he high hived his friend and the music started to fade until it had gone of completely.

* * *

This caused the crowd to stop their dancing and look around for the source of the disturbance many students cursing under their breath.

"What's going on?" Cas asked Jo as they both looked around the room.

"Just wait." Jo told her friend with a smirk, Cas suddenly became highly suspicious of her as he opened his mouth to ask. Most people turned around to look at the stage, Cas did too. It was Dean walking into the spotlight of the stage, looking scared as shit but at the same time determined, the DJ then threw him a microphone and Cas suddenly felt very, very anxious.

"Hey." Dean spoke into, by now he had everyone's attention. Cas tried to turn and leave but Jo grabbed his arm and Bolly appeared behind him.

"I think you might want to watch his Cassie." He told his brother before rejoining Gabe and Michael in the back, waiting for the show. Cas held Jo's arm tight, sweat starting to cover his palms.

"He's not going to sing is he?" Gabe whispered to Michael who couldn't not laugh.

"God I hope not." Bolly commented before they fell silent with grins on their faces.

* * *

"Hey" Dean repeated "Can I have your attention for a moment please?"

"Just get on with it!" a random student from the crowd shouted, making a few people snigger but most tried to ignore it as they watched the boy on stage.

"Okay, so you see. I made a promise once, to do something at graduation. But along the way I fucked up, bad. So it couldn't wait. You see I fell in love. I fell for my best friend, Castiel Novak. The most beautiful person I have ever met.-"

Everyone's mouths hit the floor at the crowds gaze darted from Dean to Cas. Cas was white and flushed at the same time, this he wasn't expecting, his mind was swelling and buzzing what was he supposed to think, he couldn't think not one sentence, he just staring lovingly at the boy on stage, who just thanked god Cas didn't just run away. Cas was slightly surprised to see his calm face that had relaxed around soft eyes and a tender smile of fond memories as he spoke, he didn't seem tense or embarrassed at all

"-and I was happy for a while, until."

Dean then caught Cas' eye and spoke to him, like they were the only two in the world, which was how Cas felt right now, though it was hard to hear Dean's words over the sound of his thumping heart.

"Look Cas I screwed up, I'm sorry, really I am. And you're right I was the one that swore you secrecy and I was wrong. I was ashamed, scared of being judged and singled out but I'm not anymore. Since you left I have realised how little my life means if you're not in it, so I am announcing it to the world, to anyone that cares to listen; I'm gay! I want you back baby, I need you back."

Dean made his way to the steps as Cas started to walk towards the stage with a dopy smile and wet eyes. All the students had cleared away from Cas, so his was standing in a large circle.

"So I'm standing here in front of all these people, begging you to forgive me."

Dean was on the dance floor and got down on his knees as he spoke, facing Cas, eyes locked completely.

"To love me. Because I love you."

Cas was shaking his head as he walked towards the boy, eyes flowing smile huge, he was so embarrassed and so touched and moved at the same time.

"And to ask if you would join me in a dance at prom."

As Dean spoke the DJ flipped a switch and a song started to play, the lights dimmed and every single one of the student was looking on with a secret tear. The song started to play and echo throughout the gym. Cas stood over Dean as the first words came;

_Shadows fill an empty heart  
as love is fading  
From all the things that we are  
But are not saying  
Can we see beyond the scars  
And make it to the dawn?_

He took hold of Dean's hand and brought him to his feet and they wrapped their arms around each other and started to dance slowly, together in front of all their peers, Dean tracing his fingers over the boys face, skimming his lips. The two boys were smiling so much they could hardly control it enough to speak.

"That was beautiful Dean."

"Thank you, about time I did that huh." Cas shrugged slightly before resting his head onto Dean's shoulder as Dean breathed in the scent of Cas, he missed that.

"This doesn't mean it forgive you."

"No?" Dean asked slightly amused, Cas brought his head back up and cupped Dean's right cheek with his hand.

"It means I love you too much to care why I need too. Look Dean I was never mad at you, only at myself. Truth is I forgave you as soon as you told me, I thought that I should be mad at you so I tried to be, but it was so hard and that scared me. It scarred me knowing that what ever you do I couldn't love you any less so I pushed you away, so will you forgive me?"

"Nothing to forgive baby." They fell silent with soft smiles and eyes closed as they held each other close and listened to the rest of the song.

_What if you're making me all that I was meant to be? _

"You know everyone is watching us right?" Cas whispered into Dean's ear suddenly aware of everyone's eyes.

"I completely forgot they were even here." Dean said softly as he touched Cas' chin so he looked at him.

_What if our love never went away?_

_What if it's lost behind words we could never find?  
__  
Baby, before it's too late_

As the song was coming to an end the boys were still looking each other in the eye their swaying/dancing had near enough stopped and with one more smile, Dean lent forward slowly, trying to saver the moment. Stretch it out as much as possible.

_Baby, before it's too late  
_

Cas started to lean in too, inch by inch they felt more and more heat and electric from the other.

_Baby, before it's too late _

Dean and Cas' lips met in a soft embrace, slowly caressing each others mouth as they moved in the rhythm of the songs final beats.

_What about now?_

The song was over and it was only a few moments after when their kiss broke did they realised that everyone in the gym; the students, DJ, the teachers, chaperones; absolutely everyone was clapping, smiling and some even crying and holding their loved ones near.

* * *

The two boys smiled and went red, if they were embarrassed before they were completely now. Students started to fill the dance floor as the music started up again. Dean shot a thankful look to the DJ that waved to goodbye to Dean, as he took Cas' hand and they entwined their fingers, Dean started to lead him towards the exit. The boys got smiles and handshakes and pats on the back by everyone they walked past.

Before Dean took him away, he took him to his brothers that was all standing in a line smiling as the pair made their way towards them.

"Well at least you didn't sing." Bolly jokingly told Dean.

"Screw you I have an awesome voice." All the boys laughed, for real. Everyone was happy, the way it should be. Cas gave each of his brothers a hug before Dean shook their hands.

"Didn't know you had it in you" Michael commented as he shook his hand.

"Touched, really. But if you hurt him again I won't think twice." Gabriel told him as he shook his.

Cas took Dean's hand and started to walk off, Michael ran after them a moment later.

"Guys, I'm staying with Balthazar and Mark's tonight, to give you some privacy. No funny business. But I thought it would do you both good."

"Thank you." Cas told him and hugged him again, Dean shot him a smile before walking out of the gym, with more speed than they had before.

* * *

**:D n'aw i had to have them sharing a dance because of what was said in another chapter, about them being saddened becasue they knew that could never have that, plus i though it adorable**

**oh i took the whole 'I forgave you as soon as you told me,' gag thing from ghosts of girl friends past, well i didnt mean too but i just occured to me that line or something along those lines is in the film so i thought i better state it lol**

**oh the sound was 'what about now' by daughtry, there is a westlife verson but i prefer that one lol, i dunno i just thought the song fit. there is a line in the song 'with a touch of your grace' which sold me one it for them, though i didnt add that line in lol yeah i listened to this song a lot as i wrote this chapter lol.**

**chapter 31 part b I suppose you could call it lol is up so go read but before you do, review? ^_^ xxx**


	32. Chapter 32

**okay so, this carries on dierectly after they leave the gym, hope you enjoy it and please forgive any mistakes in spelling and grammer, believe it or not i do try not to include them lol :3 xxx**

* * *

They both near enough ran to the impala, Dean turned to look back at the school, Cas didn't like that idea, he spun the boy around, slammed him up against the car and attacked his lips, Dean instantly melted into it and open up for him when Cas ran his tongue across Dean's plump bottom lip, dangerously slowly, the tease. Their tongues wrapped around each others in a heated passionate embrace.

Dean growled as he flipped their positions, so Cas was up against the impala. Dean wasted no time, he needed to feel Cas again, he started to kiss and lick up Cas' neck, when he nipped and bit down slightly on a sensitive part Cas jerked his hips forwards into the boy's a little making Dean moan. He roughly pushed Cas' head to the other side he started to cover his neck with open mouthed kisses, tasting his warm flesh. Cas' eyes rolled back in his head as Dean started to give him a love bite. He started to roll his hips again, grinding his erection into Dean's coursing tortuously slow fiction between them, Dean's fell head to Cas' shoulder and his breathing became rusty as he felt Cas' hand retch down and rub him through his trousers.

"Oh god Cas." Dean started to moan more as Cas applied more pressure to his movement, all he wanted to do was undo his trousers right there, but as that thought came to him he realised they were still in the carking lot at school. Dean crushed his lips onto Cas as he growled at the constant contact Cas was giving his throbbing cock. "You have to stop that, or I won't make it home." Cas smile as he picked up the pace. "Oh god." Dean's voice was shivering as he bit his lips so he would scream.

Dean kept himself together long enough for him to unbuttoned and unzip Cas' trousers and slip his hand inside the boys boxers, as he wrapped his warm hand around Cas' cock, the boy's eyes instantly glazed and he let go of Dean's crotch and gripped onto Dean's shoulders. Dean slowly moved his hand down, so slowly Cas start to buck and thrust into his hand, making Dean smirk. After a few moments Dean let go and retrieved his hand, Cas winced at the loss of contact and begged him with his eyes to continue as he pulled his hand towards him.

"Get in the car." Dean told him in a gruff voice laced in lust.

Cas did so and a moment late then were both sitting in the impala, silent as Dean put the key in the ignition. Just as he did Cas came alive he sat on Dean straddled him and roughly started to push his jacket off his shoulders, he whispered in his deep voice "Do you know how hot you look in a tux." He told his lover before he bit down slightly on his lob all the while grinding into Dean's lap. His eyes rolled back as his head rest against the back of the chair, Cas ran his tongue along Dean's dry lips as he opened his mouth Cas was already kissing the other side of the boy's neck, making the boy wither beneath him, Cas brought his lips to Dean's other ear and continued, "Do you know how hot you make me." Dean moaned and held onto his lover as he started to thrust back, it was getting too much.

"Please Cas, just let me get to yours in one piece." Cas moved back and looked the boy in the eye as he rolled his hips down hard as he watch Dean's reaction and saw as lust paint over his features. Cas brought his lips so they were inches away from Dean's they could taste each others breath and the warmth coat their lips.

"Okay." Cas told him as innocently as he could as he resumed his seat.

"What?" Dean asked baffled and slightly disappointed, he pulled Cas into a steamy tongue filled kiss before they rested their foreheads together catching their breath. "You are such a tease."

"Drive." He commanded and Dean obeyed instantly and started to drive as fast as he could.

Cas had other ideas than to let him drive in peace. He undone Dean's trousers and before Dean could stop him he had hold of his cock and started to pump. Dean could barley see the road, he eyes were foggy and he kept closing them. It was the most intense hand job he has ever had, because he supposed to be concentrating on driving rather than just how amazing it felt. His body started to shiver as he started to thrust into Cas' hand slightly. The boy next to him was probably hell bent on making them crash because him lent towards the boy and started to kiss and nip Dean's neck over and over, once or twice a deep moan escaped his lips which made Dean's cock twitch.

His grip on the wheel was so tight his knuckles seemed beyond white. It took a few moments for him to realise Cas had taken hold of his own cock, from his previously undone trousers and was pumping at the same time, making the boy moan from pleasure into Dean's ear. This turned Dean on more than he thought possible he moaned loudly and swerved around one last corner and they pulled up out side of Michael's with a screeching stop.

Dean was half expecting Cas just to get out and leave him when he was so close, but he didn't in fact his pace fastened. Dean had one hand on the stirring wheel the other on the roof of the car, breathing heavy and moaning every few breaths. "Fuck Cas," he let out, Cas could see how close Dean was he let go of himself and lowered his head as he kept moving his hand he out stretched his tongue and licked up Dean's shaft, with his large wet tongue, that was all it took, Deans eyes rolled back and his whole body twitched and he rode out his orgasm, eyes closed, panting. Dean hadn't realised that he had cum over his new tux and a little on Cas' face, making him want to go again especially when the boy wiped the hot liquid off with his index finger and put it in his mouth and suck, "oh god." Dean grunted he was hard again.

Cas smirked as he kissed Dean, Dean's hand went to the back of Cas' head as he deepened the kiss grunted as their tongue battled for dominance.

After the kiss Cas and Dean sat breathless for a moment looking at each other, Cas put himself away lent over and licked up the front Dean's entire neck with one slow stroke of his tongue, "Fuck." he grunted, Cas had 'come follow me eyes' and silently got out the car and towards Michael's flat.

It took a moment but Dean got out and hurried after him, not bothering to do up his trousers, or clean his shirt of cum. They hurried inside without a word, once they were Dean grabbed Cas' arm and pushed him into to door, pinning him there as he attacked his lips. "Dean." Cas gasped as Dean felt up inside his shirt, feeling his warm skin. Dean quickly pushed Cas' jacket of his shoulders and undone his shirt, though not quick enough to one or two buttons were torn off. Dean left Cas' neck and turned his attention to his chest and stomach, his well toned chest and stomach. Yep Dean was definitely hard.

Cas ran his fingers through Dean's hair as he started to pepper his hip bones with soft butterfly kisses. Running his tongue up his chest to his nipples, kissing his left one and flicking his tongue back and forth over it, then he held his softly between his teeth as he rubbed the other, Dean moved to the right one, circling his perk nipple with his wet tongue.

"Fuck Dean, oh god." Dean liked that reaction. The boy quickly gave his lover a chaste kiss on the lips, before sinking to his knees and taking Cas' trouser and pants off, the boy stood against the door completely naked, the way Dean liked it. He brought his mouth to Cas' tip and stopped. Cas thought he was being teased but when he looked down Dean had a worried look about him, Cas sunk down the door and met his lovers eye.

"Hey you alright?" Cas whispered as he stroked Dean's face.

"Yeah, um. Are you?"

"What?" Cas asked almost laughing.

"I mean after everything that's happen you know, is this okay. I mean what is happening?" Cas understood what Dean meant now, he felt his heart warm that Dean was so loving even now.

"You're sweet Dean, I wouldn't be here naked, if I wasn't okay. What do you what to happen?" he asked looking at Dean for a moment who had gone red slightly.

"Truth?"

"Yes please."

"I, I want you to fuck me." Cas' stomach jolted he hadn't expected that, he felt his cock twinge and had to hold of a moan from just hearing the words come from Dean's mouth, Cas thought about it quickly, was he ready for sex, despite everything tonight?

"Okay." He whispered. Dean's eyes shot up and he seemed to perk up and gave Cas a slow romantic kiss, well as slow and romantic as you do be when your about to have sex with your love for the first time and he's in front of you naked and your cock his throbbing to the point of pain.

"Yeah?" Dean asked making sure; Cas laughed and rolled his eyes.

"Yes Dean, now shut up and suck my cock already." Cas was really horny right now, and really wanted what Dean was about to give him, those words took Dean back slightly and turned him on even more.

"Yes sir." He jokingly said as Cas started to stand, Dean grabbed his hand and caught his eye. "Just, promise me, if you're uncomfortable at all, you will stop."

"Promise, I love you." Cas told his through a smile as he ran his finger through the boy's hair.

"Love you too." Dean told him before taking hold of Cas' cock at the base and blowing gently onto the tip, pre cum cooling on his erection making Cas shiver from the sparks this sent him.

"Uh!" he then brought his tongue to said tip, swirling his tongue slowly around it, tasting the pre cum that lay there. Cas fisted Dean's hair as he did. Dean spat and coat Cas' tip with saliva before swirling it around using his thumb, taking care to go over the slit that made Cas' back ach slightly, after a few pumps Cas' cock was moistened. He started to lick up Cas' shaft as he held the base of it with one hand and massaged his balls with his other, making sure he flicked his tongue over his tip as he did. Cas' breathing became heavy and pushed Dean's head down when he got to the top, Dean smirked he liked seeing Cas' want it. "Please Dean." Correction he likes seeing Cas beg for it.

Dean opened his mouth and lowered him head, taking Cas in bit by bit more each time his head dipped. Cas' head was buzzing with the feeling of Dean's warm, wet mouth wrapped around him. Cas' grip on his lovers hair tightened when Dean picked up pace, he started to thrust into Dean's mouth and before he new it he was throat fucking him, pushing his head down further and further as he grunted and moaned in pleasure. Dean couldn't explain the effect this had on him, yes he liked seeing the effect this had on Cas it turned him on, but this, practically being forcing to deep throat Cas as he fucked into his mouth, gave him a pulling feeling in the bottom of his stomach, soon he realised it was another orgasm brewing, Dean decided not to think about it too much right now, besides he couldn't if he wanted too. He pulled out his own erection and started to pump.

It was the feeling of loosing control, feeling Cas take control that did it for him he also seemed to get of on the feeling of his cock in his mouth, he was turned on just by the thought of it. Cas was panting and moaning and he thrust again and again, he was so close he could barley see straight, he looked down taking in the beautiful view he has again.

"No." he growled when he saw Dean touching himself, Cas didn't like that. He pushed Dean away to hard he lost balance and landed in his back, before Dean could tell when was happening Cas climbed on top of him and began sucking his cock, Dean moaned for a moment before spotting Cas' and resuming sucking his lovers, it didn't take long before Cas came into Dean mouth who swallowed it as he shot down his throat, it was a case of swallow or choke.

Not that he had much time to think because Cas had continued bopping his head in-between his legs holding himself upright and Dean still by leaning on his thighs pushing his legs into the floor, Cas continued to do this all through his orgasm making the blow job he was giving much more intense. Dean screamed Cas' name as he came again, this time Cas lapped up the cum that didn't go into his mouth and milked him through his organism with his mouth.

When it was done Cas dipped his head for a moment before getting of Dean and collapsing onto the floor next to him, both as out of breath as another.

"What was…" Dean said unable to think of the right why of putting it, there were no words.

"Yeah" Cas again as he nuzzled into Dean's chest for a bit.

"Erm Cas?"

"Hmm?"

"You're not too tired are you?" Dean told him with slight amusement in his voice, Cas laughed and straddled the boy.

"I'm just getting started." He whispered as he took Dean's shirt of and caressed each muscle on his chest with a kiss. Cas then took off Dean's trousers and pants pushing them pasted his thighs leaving Dean to manoeuvre the rest. Cas placed Dean's hands above his head and held him wrists as he started to grind rubbing there hardening cocks together, Dean was secretly impressed with how Cas could get hard again so soon, especially because he was so inexperienced.

"Oh god Cas." Dean breathed his lover smiled and kissed him gently on his collar bone before getting up, hand out for Dean to take, he took it and they stood. Dean stepped out of the clothes that pooled at his feet and the two boys stood naked in the living room, Dean ran a hand across his lovers chest stopping at his heart then took hold of his hand and kissed Cas here his hand previously rested, his heart.

"Take care of it." Cas whispered.

"Only if you take care of mine." Dean answered before closing the gap between them, passion soon rose again, Cas led his lover hand in hand to the bedroom, lips never parting.

Cas fell against the bed followed by Dean on top of him, they made out for a few minutes, hands everywhere and the noises escaping their mouths getting very erotic. Cas flipped them over so he was on top he kissed down his lovers body down to the waist band and licked back up, Dean wishing he went a little lower and Cas knew it.

Dean opened his legs and Cas lay in-between them as Cas licked and stimulated Dean's nipples. Cas lowered himself and dribbled spit from a few inches above Dean, Dean watching open mouthed as Cas covered both their cocks in his salivia and rubbed their dicks together with his hand. After a minutes or so when they were fully hard Cas stop and looked to the Dean splayed naked on his bed.

"Are you sure about this Dean?" Cas asked Dean smiled and didn't answer instead he brought Cas fingers to his mouth and sucked them coating them in his spit causing Cas to moan. He pulled his fingers away and Dean nodded before Cas lowered his hand, he brushed his wet fingers over Dean's tight circle of muscle, Dean instinctively tensed.

"Relax." Cas told him and brought their lips together as Cas pushed in one finger, Dean's lips tightening with bruising force around Cas', his breathing quickened as he tried to relax and get comfortable around the intrusion. Cas waited patiently and when Dean gave him the nod he started to move slowly inside him, it burnt at first and Dean hissed as Cas started to move.

"Do you want me to stop?" Cas asked worried he was hurt the boy. Dean shook his head and pulled Cas into another kiss. Cas moved in and out slowly and he searched inside the boy for a good angle, Soon Cas' finger started to give Dean a good feeling as he found the little bundle of nerves that made Dean gasp.

Dean started to rock against his finger and soon Cas wanted to put in another, not wanted to hurt him again Cas lowered himself and started to lick Dean relaxing his muscles even more, so he would be open enough for more, Dean's moaning got louder and after a moment Cas heard,

"Go on Cas, put in another, please." Cas did and Dean's back instantly ached as Cas started to thrust in and out faster and with more force making sure he hit Dean's sweet spot every time.

"Oh god Cas!" Dean screamed as he griped the boys shoulder, Cas lay a hand on Dean's chest to calm him and keep him grounded, it was unlike anytihng the boy had ever felt before.

Dean screamed again when without warning Cas introduced a third finger, cas continued to thrust, he twisted his wrist and curled one of his fingers inside him, Dean was a wreck and they hadn't even started, his face and over run with pleasure and his eyes were clenched shut. Cas couldn't help jerking off to the sight of Dean coming undone, it was…hot.

"Cas, Cas I'm ready please, please." Dean panted

"Ready for what Dean?" Cas twisted his wrist making Dean moan, fist the bed sheets and cock twitch, as did Cas'.

"Uh god! fuck me Cas, please fuck me!" he shouted and pulled Cas in for a steamy kiss as Cas removed his hand from the boy making him winced at the loose of contact suddenly he felt cold. He quickly opened is drawer for a condom Dean licked Cas' cock a few times to make sure he was fully hard which he was already but wasn't about to turn Dean's tongue down.

After Cas had it on, he licked Dean's hole swirling his tongue around the inside of his entrance and actually tongue fucked him much to Dean's surprise and pleasure, after making sure Dean was well lubricated he slicked up his cock and positioned himself over the boy. Dean rested his hands on Cas' hips and their eyes met.

"You ready?" Cas asked, Dean could only nod the ability of speech was lost to him a while ago. Cas nodded back and push in slowly, not deep so Dean could position himself. Cas moaned as soon as he went in, it was warm and so tight, it was a testament to Cas' will power that he didn't just start ploughing the boy right then, it felt that good.

After Dean gave the boy a nod he started to moved slowly, painfully slowly even for Dean. After a few minutes the pace quicken Dean wrapped his legs around Cas' waist Cas using this new angle to thrust deeper into the boy Dean used his legs to force it so.

It didn't take Cas long to find that spot that gave Dean shiver and soon hit it with every thrust, and that burning feeling Dean felt was gone and only pleasure remained, he knew it did still hurt slightly and he would definitely be able to feel it in the morning but pleasure was the only feeling he could register as he felt Cas' cock slamming into him, Dean thrust back meeting Cas' every move. After a while the pleasure was building. Both boys breaths were rusty and heavy, Cas had hold of Dean's wrists leaning on them as he moved, Dean didn't say anything about it in fact he seemed to like it.

"Fuck Dean…so tight…oh god!" were all Cas could grunt out in-between moans whilst Dean was biting his lip so he wouldn't scream. Cas looked down at the boys untouched hardness he let got of Dean's wrists and started to pump him in time to their thrusts, that was it Dean couldn't hold it in.

"Oh god Cas! Yeah, right there, oh god. There, Faster, Fuck harder Cas!" the boy's mind was blown completely and the pace quicken as the sound of smacking flesh got louder as it circled the room. They were close, so close they continued for a few more minutes, it was Cas that came first screamed Dean's name as he did. Cas milked out his orgasm and kept thrusting, Cas' grip on Deans' cock tightened as he pumped as fasted at he could, Cas pulled out of Dean causing the boy to wince, and lowered him head over Dean's cock, licking the tip Dean gasped and panted, Cas licked the his tip covered in pre cum again before Dean grabbed his hair and pushed down, Cas was shocked but didn't stop Dean and he pushed Cas' head down a few more times, dick hitting the back of Cas' throat each time it only took three thrusts inside Cas' mouth before he came. Cas swallowed it all, again.

Dean, like Cas moaned his lovers name as he came. When Dean let go of the boy Cas ripped of the condom and threw it on the floor before climbing on top of Dean, they tangled their limbs and lay there breathing still paced and ratty, Dean threw the duvet our them that was cool against their heated skin. Cas had an arm over Dean's chest and Dean was drawing little circles on it with his finger tips giving the boy goosebumps.

"I had no idea you were so loud in bed Winchester." Dean laughed and kissed Cas' hair, it was damp in sweat, both their bodies were. There was silence for a moment before Cas nervously spoke. "Dean?"

"Yeah baby."

"Next time, could you not push my head down so much?"

"Huh?"

"It reminds me of-" Cas didn't want to finish that sentence and Dean wished he didn't have to speak it, but knew what he was unfortunately getting at.

"Oh god Cas, I'm so sorry." Dean told him as he sat up, ignoring the rush of pain he got from it.

"No, no it's okay."

"No it's not. I ruined everything I'm so sorry." Dean told him and he cupped his cheek

"What are you talking about Dean, this is the best night of my life." Cas assured him as they rested their foreheads together.

"Mine too." Dean whispered.

Without another word, they laid back down, in each others arms. They were completely spent they shared a few lazy kissed but mostly spent the time, wrapped up in each others arms, feeling each other breathe and heart's beat.

It wasn't long before they drifted and fell asleep, naked in each others arms, with the bedroom door open, clothes scattered everywhere and a used condom on the floor, Michael is going to love them in the morning, well at least they got under the covers, where they were planning on spending tomorrow, in bed together.

* * *

**Yay! they finaly got their sex scene, I couldn't not include one ;) lol **

**anyway please review they make me happy :D xxx **


	33. Chapter 33

**sorry it took a while to update, i dont know if this has ever happened to you but i wrote loads then becasue im a dick and didnt save i lost everything so then i didnt have any motivation to write it again, because technically i have already wrote it lol one day I'll learn to save on a regualer basis :')**

**sorry if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes **

**Hope you like the last chapter!**

**I would like to thank everone who had read alerted favourited and reviewed this story, it really does mean a lot, so without further ado;**

* * *

Dean woke up early the next morning, it took a few seconds for him to realise where he was and when he did a smile instantly grew on his face. He look across the bed where Cas laid, the kid rolls in his sleep and obviously has is 'position' of sleep in his bed and that's hard to break, it's a comfort security thing, Dean had it too when Cas started to stay around his, thankfully though they found a new position one that fit both of them and it was so much better. Dean smiled as he watched Cas sleep, curled in a ball, back to him.

Dean moved over and put his arm around the boy, moulding his body around Cas'. The movement coursed some discomfort for Dean, it was a welcome reminder of his time with Castiel last night but it was still a pain in the ass none the less, Dean smiled at the pun he made in his head.

Cas smiled in his sleep as Dean came close to him, sharing his warmth. Dean watched the boy sleep in front of him he looked like an angel; he brushed a few wild hairs from his face and then started to gently kiss his bare shoulders.

The contact made Cas stir and he woke with a smile on his face and turned in Dean's arms, he stared sleepily at the boy.

"Good morning Dean."

"Morning sweet heart." Cas rolled his eyes and nuzzled into his lovers embrace, holding him close.

"I wish every day could start like this."

"It will." Dean told him, Cas looked at him puzzled after Dean planted a kiss on Cas' neck he continued. "After graduation, if you still want to move into Bolly's flat, I mean if the offer is still there, because is its not we c-" a smile grew wild and free on Cas' face and crashed his lips onto Dean's cutting him off.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes." With every yes, Cas kissed Dean's chest and moved himself around so by the last 'yes' he was straddling the Dean who beamed up at him. "That sounds like perfection."

"So is this, right here, right now. You and me in bed. Naked." Dean wiggled his eyebrows at his lover who laughed and crushed his against Dean's once more. Dean rolled his hips and only now did they realised they were both hard, giving them both devilish ideas.

Unfortunately none of their ideas could be acted out because at that moment Cas' phone rang.

* * *

"Ignore it." Dean coaxed him; Cas merely rolled his eyes and reached for his phone. "Who is it?" there was silence and Cas looked a little awkward, "Cas?" he asked as he sat up Cas still on his lap. Dean took the phone and glance at the caller id, Sam. "Why does he have your number?"

"Dean he has had it for years."

"Okay but why is he calling you?"

"I don't know." Cas sighed as he pressing the accept button and brought the phone to his ear, Dean moved a little closer so he could hear everything Sam was saying, he surly shouldn't be this jealous of his little brother calling his boyfriend, after all they were friends, known each other for years, him and Cas used to baby sit him, but then he did, Dean swallowed his anger as he listened.

"Hello Sam."

"_Hi Cas, are you with Dean?"_ Cas looked at Dean who shook his head he did not want to speak to him. "_It's just Mum and Dad said he stayed with you last night."_

"Yes but he's sleeping, I don't want to wake him."

"_No, no I don't want you too, I was just wondering, when can me and Dean be brothers again?"_ Sam's voice was so pathetic and he'd obviously been crying. Cas looked to Dean with soft eyes he really felt for the kid, Dean's stomach dropped when he heard Sam's words, he felt like a dick.

"You'll always be his brother Sam."

"_But he hates me, I don't know what I can do to show him how sorry I am, you believe me don't you?"_

"Yes Sam. You were confused and I would rather you have experimented with me, someone you know and trust then some random person that could have hurt you." Cas reassured him as he glared at Dean.

"_But I hurt you, I fucked up you and Dean, and he thinks,"_

"Sam, you haven't, me and Dean are okay. What does he think?"

"_He thinks I was going to rape you! I swear to god I wasn't, I wouldn't, I couldn't, please believe me." _Cas shot Dean a filthy look, he was so angry how dare he say that to Sam, he was just a kid, and after everything with Cas' dad it was just cruel and Cas had to fight of the tears, Dean squirmed under Cas' gaze and tired to look away but Cas' god damn eyes were so irresistible even when angry and boy was he angry. _"He hasn't spoken to me in days and when he looks at me I think he's going to hit me again."_

"He hit you!" Cas looked to Dean again, not believe Dean's actions Sam was a lanky squirt of a kid, Cas had lost count of the number of times Dean called his brother a 'weed' Dean was muscley and strong not a fair fight. "Sam, Sam please stop crying, Dean is just an ass some times." Dean took the phone from Cas and put it to his ear, crap he thought Sam really was sobbing down the phone. He sat on the edge of the bed as Cas lay behind him.

"Sam." Dean said and instantly he heard Sam take in a breath and go silent. "Sammy, look I don't hate you. You'll always be my brother okay."

"_I'm so sorry."_

"I know kid, I know." Dean sighed and chanced a glance to Cas who was looking over eyes stern. "What you did was a very, very stupid thing to do, but I know a thing or two about moments of weakness." At that Cas' eyes softened as he stared at Dean's naked back, he got up and wrapped his legs and arms around his lover and gave him a soft kiss of the shoulder before Dean gave him a smile that said I love you, and Cas rested his head on Dean's shoulder as he finished his call. "Look Sammy, I'm coming home in a bit, we can talk face to face okay?"

"_Thank you." _

"Okay." Dean then hung up and dropped the phone to the floor and placed his hands over Cas'.

* * *

"I'm proud of you Dean." Cas told him as he stroked his fingers up and down Dean's chest making the boy shiver.

"You know it's hard to concentrate when my boyfriend's naked body is wrapped around mine." Cas smiled against Dean's shoulder

"My apologies." Cas whispered through his smile before started to move away. Dean spun around and pinning the slightly surprised and laughing boy down onto the mattress. Dean then lowered his head and kissed Cas' neck as he breathed in the boys sent as Cas moaned below him as he bucked his hips to grind their cocks together. Their eyes locked, both blown with lust. Dean sighed and moved to the side of his putting his head on Cas' shoulder.

"I wish I could stay here with you." He whispered as he ran his fingers up and down Cas arm gently with a finger light touch which gave him goosebumps. He lowered his head and started the kiss the boy's chest.

"Dean," Cas wheezed at the contact. Dean moved to Cas' nipples which Dean recalls were rather sensitive. "Dean," Cas told him as he pushed him of Dean looked a little hurt.

"What's the matter baby?"

"Do you have any idea how much I want you right now." He whispered as he kissed Deans neck, he bite down slightly making Dean shake, before continuing, "But you have to get up and go make a means with Sam." Their lips connected and it was like an invisible force pulling them together they couldn't control their lust to stop.

An hour later Dean and Cas pulled themselves away from each other, they knew Dean had to go even if they didn't want it to be so. The boys were left with very swore lips and aching erections. Dean quickly put on jeans and a zed zeppelin t-shirt he always kept at Cas' incase of an emergency, they had been in Cas' draw for about a year so the t shirt was a little snug, not that Cas minded as he watched Dean get dressed. Dean stood at Cas' bedroom door not wanting to leave.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Cas asked sitting up revealing his bare chest and just covering his more private parts, the sight gave Dean a dry mouth and had to swallow before he could continue.

"I think it best if you stay here sweetheart, he's my brother and you're right I have been a dick, I mean not without reason but, I have to make this right you understand?"

"Of course, family is very important, can't keep you to myself all the time can I."

"I love you." Dean told the very naked Castiel.

"Love you too." Cas replied voice gravely and deep. Dean stared at the naked form in bed for a minute, god that boy was sexy, that boy was his, Dean bit his lower lip as he stared before he left quickly before he changed his mind.

A few minutes after Dean left the room and Cas heard the door of the flat close, his phone went off he got a text he was slightly disappointed to see it wasn't Dean but Balthazar but he read and answered it anyway.

* * *

A few seconds later his phone started to ring, his heart leapt when he read the caller id.

"Yes." He stated with a smile across his face.

"_Nice way to greet your love monkey."_

"Right, okay. It's strange that you refer to yourself as that."

"_You love it."_

"You wish." Cas told his lover as he smiled the biggest smile he could, he didn't think it were possible to love hearing some ones voice just after leaving.

"_Oh that reminds me of why I rang."_

"Why did you ring, you left three minutes ago." He told him after checking the clock on his bedside table.

"_I forgot to say I love you."_

"No you didn't."

"_Well I wanted to say it again alright, jeez you try to be romantic and you get shot in the-"_

"I love you too Winchester." There was a moment of silence before Dean spoke again; Cas could hear him driving, the hum of the impala echoed in the back ground.

"_You know we could have some fun with this."_

"I don't understand."

"_Are you still naked?" _Cas couldn't stop his laughter, now that's an idea he thought.

"Yes and you're on the way to see your little brother."

"_So?"_

"Horny Dean can never see sense."

"_Damn right__, where's the sense of leaving my hot piece of ass boyfriend naked and willing. Come on babe I left with a_ mahassive _boner._

"Always so elegant in you choice of words. Must be why I love you."

"_You__ can't leave me like this dude."_

"Another time."

"_Seriously?"_

"Seriously now get off the phone before you crash."

"_You weren't worried about my attention to driving yesterday."_

"Just leave, phone me when your done, I want to see you and Bolly wants to see both of us."

"_W__hy?"_

"I don't know we'll find out soon enough, phone me when you're on your way back to me."

"_I'll always come back to you."_

"Bye Dean."

"_Goodbye my lover." _

Cas laid on his bed staring at his phone with a small smile on his face, thinking of the convocation, he couldn't believe he was so happy, everything was, perfect.

At that thought there was a knock on the door before Michael's voice came from the other side of the door.

"Cas, outside in the living in five minutes okay."

"Okay." Cas called as he hopped of his bed and pulled on clothes as fast as he could. He wasn't sure what it was about but Michael sounded serious. Just as he reached the door he saw the pile of 'dirty' clothes he and Dean had left spread around the apartment last night. _'Shit.' _Cas thought going red and sweaty as he entered the living room, Michael sat in his chair and motioned to Cas to sit down.

It was the most embarrassing ten minutes of his life, he had to tell his big brother that him and Dean had sex and assure him it wasn't anywhere inappropriate, like the kitchen or his bed, and then had to promise that he used a condom and had to apologize for the mess they left the flat in. Cas was beetroot red.

"Did you enjoy it though, you know after everything with, you know."

"Yes Michael, it was special, I love him and it was, nice."

"Good, just as long as he didn't hurt you, because I swear to god."

"Michael, he didn't and even if he did, I can take care of myself."

"I know, but I will always be there to protect you, I love you Cas. Can't believe how far you've come little brother."

"I love you too, it's because of Dean, he err put me back together, made me believe I was worth it you know? Haven't you got a special someone in your life?"

"No Cas, I know I should, but I have no interest in that sort of thing, simple friendship and family does me fine."

"Is it because of what he did to-"

"So erm, who topped?" Michael asked as a diversion from Cas' question and it worked, when Michael asked that, Cas went even redder he quickly stood and left the room leaving a laughing Michael.

* * *

Five o'clock and Dean had just picked Cas up from Michael's to take them to Bolly and Mark's place for dinner. Balthazar had from to tell them but refused to do it over the phone.

"So, you and Sam." Cas said as soon as Dean started to drive.

"Oh yeah."

"How'd it go?"

"Fine."

"Dean please, talk to me."

"I just, I just told him that I do forgive him, but I will never forget what he did to you or to me, because he betrayed me and the trust we shared as brothers, but I am willing to rebuild and you know, try and get back what we shared. I told him I loved him and that I would always be his brother. I'm just sorry I couldn't have been more comfort to him." Cas put his hand over Dean's to reassure him.

"I'm sure he's just happy to have you back."

"Me too, it's hard to stay mad at that kid, all shaggy hair and puppy eyes. I missed him Cas." Dean looked a little vulnerable as they pulled up outside Bolly's Cas squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek. "What did Balthazar want?"

"He didn't say." Cas told him as he stroked Dean's hand softly with his thumb.

"You know I almost forgot."

"Forgot what?"

"How much," Dean lent into Cas lips inches apart as he spoke again, "I want you." It was Cas that closed the distance desperately seeking the warmth that Dean's lips never failed to give him. They stayed that why making out in Dean's impala until there was a knock the window and they jumped apart, it was Mark.

"Come on love birds, dinners ready." he told them trying not to notice how Cas' hand was down Dean's jeans.

Dean and Cas followed Mark into the house hand in hand, they were led to the dinning room, where there was a pretty impressive spread of various foods and sides etc. they sat and engaged in idle chit chat during their meal but the table mostly remained silent save for the noises of food consumption. When their meal was over and the four of them sat around the table waiting for their food to settle, they began the real convocation.

"So," Bolly started, "I hear you two had sex last night." Cas went red and Dean almost choked on his juice.

"Is there anyone that doesn't know?" Dean whispered to Cas who smiled in return.

"Boys, I think what B is trying to say is that, we hope you were careful." Mark told the two blushing teenagers.

"Yes, not to worry." Cas reassured them.

"Are you happy Cas?" Balthazar asked and marks mouth fell open at the question, Dean felt a little more than uncomfortable.

"Sitting right here."

"Shut up Dean, Cas tell me you're happy, and that this is the life you want to live with the guy you want to live it with."

"I am and he is."

"Good, then I have something for you." Dean and Cas exchanged looks both as confused as the other, Bolly got up and kissed Mark on the head as he left the room, both boy's looked to him but he just raised his hands he wasn't going to tell them, Bolly came back in a minute later with an unmarked envelope and gave it to Cas.

Mark pulled Bolly onto his lap and snaked his arms around his lovers middle and held him close, Balthazar lent into the touch and ran his hands over Mark's and he couldn't help but smile, he was happy, life was good. "It's a graduation present, I didn't know if I would be able to give it to you after everything but I can and I am."

Cas opened the enveloped as all eyes watched, he tipped the contence into his hand, it was two sets of identical keys, Cas looked to Dean who shrugged then to Bolly.

"There for you. For you're new apartment if you still want it. But there are two little snags I'm not going with you, the apartment is all yours, I'm staying here with Mark and Belle, we're going to be a family. Oh and I sold the one in Colorado and brought one on the other side of town." It took a while for the information to sink in, when it did a huge smile grew on Cas' face, he looked to Dean suddenly a little worried that they we staying in town and not moving away like they planned, what Cas found was confusion, which confused him in return.

"You alright there Dean?" Bolly asked the boy.

"Yeah, erm why?"

"Why what?"

"Why,"

"Dean are you not happy with this?" Cas asked feeling his stomach fall.

"No, no that's not it. Just, what's the catch?"

"So pessimistic boy." Balthazar told him half amused and half annoyed.

"There's always a catch Balthazar."

"You right, there is. This is it; I'm giving this to you so you can have a shot of a normal life, a good one. Cas deserves that after everything, you both do. So the catch is, be happy. I will evict your ass if you hurt my brother okay?"

"Okay." Dean agreed, after a moment or two a smile grew on Dean's face as Cas watched.

"Dean-" Dean didn't let Cas continue he grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him into a steamy kiss.

* * *

Mark and Bolly left the room and left the two boys to their make out session as Bolly and Mark went into the living room and turned on the TV as they slumped on the sofa, belly full and hearts warm, Mark head rested on his lovers chest as Bolly played softly with his hair.

After around ten minutes Dean and Cas sat in the dining room heavily breathing as they rested their foreheads together, Cas looked around the room and saw they were alone and they made their way into the living room to join their hosts. Bolly and Mark eyed them as they came into the room and sat down, both boys red, Bolly and Mark sat on the sofa though there was room for another person to sit down they left them alone and Dean sat on the arm chair and pulled Cas onto his lap, they sat in silence for a while and watched the film Mark flipped over to.

"Erm," Dean started breaking the silence they sat in. "thank you Balthazar for your gift, really appreciate it."

"that's alright Dean," Bolly told the boy as the clock struck seven, "you should get going, go tell your parents the news." Dean nodded and got up, without an invitation and not needing one Cas got up too and went with him, after saying their goodbyes Dean and Cas left the two men and climbed into the impala, as soon as both doors were shut the two launched onto each other again.

"You think we should tell your mum and dad?"

"Later, shhh." Dean insisted through the kiss, though Bolly and Mark live around a ten minute drive from Dean's they didn't retch the boy's house until eight, lips swore as they entered the house. Cas tried hard to hid the little cum stains he now had on his trousers, he had to teach Dean to clean up after himself he thought as he remembered the feeling of Dean mouth over his cock.

John and Mary were both very excited about the news, but insisted on having both Dean and Cas over once a week so Mary could play mum and give the boy's a proper cooked meal.

All Dean and Cas and to do was go to bed together but John told his son that having sex with parents in the next room and a little brother down the hall was not 'respectful'. His dad knew him to well, so Cas phoned Michael how didn't seem thrilled about it either so although the boy's were as horny as hell they knew they only had a week before they were in there own flat and made a promise to do it in every house on every surface when they moved in.

They stayed in their own houses that night, Dean phoned his boyfriend at around ten they lazily talked and made plans for tomorrow; Cas wasn't getting out of bed, Dean had the car so he was going to Cas' were they would spend a lazily Sunday in bed together. It sounded perfect.

Just as the two boys settled down to get some sleep Dean sent a text to Cas;

'When we move into the flat, the first thing I'm going to do is fuck you so hard.'

It only took a few minutes for a response from Cas,

'I'll ride your cock all night.'

Now both boys went to bed hard and longing for their love.

* * *

Sunday came around and they lived up to their plans, Michael had a big project to finish so worked all day at the table, so being respectful Cas and Dean kept the noise to minimum and although they did fool around they didn't have sex, for one there was no lock on Cas' door so Michael could come in at any moment though the fear of getting caught seemed to spur Dean on a little. They watch films as they shared the ice cream Dean brought on the way, they spent hours talking and laying in each others arms, and every few hours Cas made a food run where he grabbed junk food and soda from the kitchen and took to his room. They had school the next day, they were both excited and nervous, they had no way of knowing the reaction they were going to get. Dean left Cas' bedroom at six he had to go home for Sunday roast and Cas and Michael were going to order a pizza and watch batman, Dean preferred Cas' plan but had to go home.

that night Dean and Cas had some very graphic phone sex, moaning and panting down the line as they told each other what they were doing to them selves and what they were going to do to each other. Both boys came, Dean first and when Cas came the sounds he made, made Dean hard again.

* * *

Monday soon came, it was the home stretch for Dean, and when he came down stairs and kissed his mum on the check before getting some toast he told Sammy to get his ass in gear and hurry up before he drives of without him, Sam couldn't stop the smile he wore that Dean was giving him a lit and calling him a girl like old times.

The last week was like another other day at school, apart from now everyone knew that Dean and Cas were gay and loved each other, yes they got a few looks but by and large they were both well liked in school,

Cas was basically a massive brain box, that had everyone's respect for two reasons, one he tutored those that were struggling, and two all the jocks loved him, he could really party. Cas could drink anyone from that school under the table and has proved it on many occasions.

And Dean for his abilities with a football and skills at working under his car, put a broken engine in front of him and he could fix it, people thought of him as the 'sheriff' and Cas was his deputy, always had been though he was more of the diplomat, many times people had came to them with their problems in stead of a teacher. They looked out for everyone, stood up to bullies it didn't matter if you were his friend or in a different year or even if he didn't know you, they had your back, worked better then any no bulling policy.

Generally no one seemed to care that they were together, yeah people talked about them but it was just because it was new news. A lot of people didn't really care and some didn't seem that surprised Dean and Cas had always been really close, several people merely got there suspicions confirmed, either way their gay love affair didn't come close to trumping the rumour that one of the dinner lady's screwed one of her sons friends in the school kitchen, but of course it was just a 'rumour'.

* * *

When graduation came around and everyone was all abuzz, school was over and their lives were just beginning.

John Mary and Sam came and took up seats next to Mark belle and Balthazar as Gabriel and Michael sat behind them, Mary was shaking a little nervous for Dean's speech and camera almost out of photos already.

Dean stood in front of his peers teachers and parents and delivered his speech, John fought away his manly tears of pride as he watched his son, Mary couldn't and was in tears. Dean spoke of not letting the past keep you from moving forward but better preparing you for the future, a future that you should share with those you love. Dean continued to talk of change and the uncertainty of everything and how that's what made life worth living, he then thanked the school and its teachers for what they have taught him, he then thanks his peers from taking the journey with him, then Dean thanked Castiel for making the journey worth it, for making it fun, for all the strength and love he gave him and hoped everyone would find the person they want to share their lives with, before the students got to their feet and a roar of applause filled the air, Dean jumped of the stage and threw his arms around Cas, getting a few wolf whistles in the process before everyone settled down and the ceremony could be wrapped up.

After all the photos were taken and hugs given and hands shaken Dean and Cas went back with their families to finish packing, though not much more could be out into the impala. Dean gave both his mum and his dad a hug before turning to Sam, they were still on touchy ground so Sam put out his hand before Dean laughed swatted it away and pulled his brother into a hug.

"I'll come back in a few day when were unpacked and me and you can make a day of it yeah?" Sam nodded not being able to talked because of the tears that were swelling, Dean quickly got into his car and drove to pick Cas up before he mum could hug him anymore, or get to the right amount of pie to bribe him with to stay.

Cas left Michaels in tears from saying good bye to Michaels and Gabriel, both standing on the front lawn with the same red eyes and wet cheeks, Dean waved and they drove to Mark and Bolly's. Dean knew this would be hard for Cas, to say good bye to Balthazar again, though they were only going to the other side of town it was still going to be tough.

Cas ran into Bolly's arms as Dean shook Mark's hand as belle shouted for attention and demanded a 'Deanie hug', Dean took the little girl into his arms and couldn't stop the smile that was put onto his face this little girl was like a promise of the future he was going to share with Cas, one day they could have their own Belle.

"Take care of that place Cassie."

"I will." Cas told him as Bolly clapped him on the shoulder, Bolly then turned to Dean as Cas hugged Mark.

"You take care of my baby brother Dean."

"I promise man." He reassured him as they shook hands before belle jumped from bean to her 'Daddy B' Bolly then looked to the two boys in front of him and Mark, he saw what should have been him and Mark, he saw what he missed out on and took Mark's hand for comfort.

"You will be back to be my best man yeah?" Balthazar asked sounding a little worried as Dean got into the car and Cas opened his door about to join him.

"Yes Bolly how many times, do you really think I'm going to miss my big brothers wedding." This made everyone smile as Cas climbed into the impala. Dean gave a soft tender kiss before telling him,

"Come on baby, let's start our life together." Cas smiled and nodded as they started to drive towards their new apartment, waving good bye to Bolly Mark and Belle until they were around the corner.

Bolly held his daughter (as of tomorrow) in his arms and held Mark's hand who rest his head onto the taller man's shoulder as they both stared of into the distance.

"They will be alright wont they sweetheart?"

"Of course B."

"Just as long as they are"

"Hey," Mark told Bolly before kissing him on the cheek, "stop worrying, it's not good for you."

"At least I know where belle gets her bossiness from." Balthazar jokingly told Mark as Belle pouted before Mark tickled her making giggle like mad.

"I love you." Bolly told his future husband before kissing his forehead.

"Love you too"

"And me!" the little girl shouted as she threw her hand in the air making both men laugh.

"And you Belle and you." Balthazar told her before kissed her as he hugged him tighter.

"We could never forget you sweetie" Mark whispered as he stroked her hair before taking hold on B's hand once more and squeezing it. "Let's go home."

* * *

~End~

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**Hope you enjoyed it! :D**

**Please review :P xxx**


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